my dad

Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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#1
was just laying in bed and worked something out
nobody else is allowed to feel bad ,nobody else is allowed to have feelings he must come first before everyone/thing

growing up I wasn't allowed to have feelings or show emotion

just worked this out x
 
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Girl interupted

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#3
My mom was like this. What gave me peace was understanding that she had a mental illness and was not capable of understanding her behaviour was wrong. It was literally impossible for her to realize it, because in her mind she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

In our minds we know it’s wrong. And that can leave room for pity. And reducing the parent into that of a small child who doesn’t know any better.

It’s good armour.
 
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EstherRose94

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#4
That makes perfect sense fairy lu because you didn’t get to practice dealing with emotions as a kid, it’s harder to learn later.

My parents were overly protective and seemed like scared of any negative or overly strong emotions I would have so I got scared of strong or negative emotions also and likewise tried not to have them. Possibly something like that but I can totally relate. I know my tantrums/ emotional outbursts as a kid were not received calmly haha.
 
Topcat

Topcat

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#5
My dad was a bit like this, for him it was more that he was stuck in his own misery and a selfish twonk on top. He could give us all the silent treatment, or lash out over nothing much, but once he was "feeling better" we all had to pretend like we hadn't been tiptoeing around him for days/weeks and go back to being happy again. I didn't show emotion at home either. I wouldn't to my dad, and it was pointless with my mum because she didn't seem to know what to do with emotions, so there was no emotional support really.
I think all this stuff leaves us emotionally immature, and having to learn it all later on which is hard sometimes.
 
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EstherRose94

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#6
Yes I do feel emotionally immature. I am glad i at least am aware of it now and catching up lol. It’s like the perfect storm of being a really sensitive little kid with coddling parents who also didn’t always know how to deal with feelings and I was the only child until I was five. Your personality is pretty much set by then.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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#9
I had elements of this from my mum, who while not full blown has strong traits of both a narcissist and aspd, also from bullies whwn I was a kid. My time involved in drugs also caused me to develop a certain emotional numbness otherwise the bastards I used to hang out with would have eaten you alive.

Personally I have forgiven them, from the Buddhist perspective they were just suffering from attachment to their ego's. The Buddha said holding on to anger is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. Not that feeling the anger is wrong - only an Anagami or Arahant is completely free from anger, it's just attaching to it and believing it's aanything more than a transient feeling that has come to visit and will go on it's merry way when it's time is done.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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#10
was just laying in bed and worked something out
nobody else is allowed to feel bad ,nobody else is allowed to have feelings he must come first before everyone/thing

growing up I wasn't allowed to have feelings or show emotion

just worked this out x
I only have a handful of childhood memories as I detached from the situation and suppressed all my emotions, fear and abandonment being the main ones. As Girl Interupted said, I found doing Radical Acceptance very useful as it led me to believe my father is mentally ill (our genetics come from someone) and so I view him with far more compassion now, rather than anger, hatred and loathing. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven or forgotten but my suffering has reduced with my revised view of him, and that’s all I’m worried about.
 
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