My dad makes me feel depressed and suicidal

M

Mmm111

New member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Plainfield Illinois
#1
New here. My name is Madi and I’m on here because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. For the past few years I’ve been getting not nice comments from my dad. It started off as comments about my weight. When I would eat (even if it was healthy) he would look at me and say stuff like “should you really be eating that?”. Then it moved onto comments about my depression and anxiety. He doesn’t believe me and tells me to “suck it up”, “just be happy”, and “stop worrying”. As if all that stuff wasn’t making me feel bad enough he started making comments to me about how I’m not going to get into college. I remember the first time he told me I wasn’t going to get in we were eating dinner with one of his friends and I was talking about how I wanted to go to medical school. He looked straight at me and with a serious tone said “do you really think you’re going to get into college?”. This really hurt me because i was 15 at the time and already applying to college because I was eligible (If you were wondering I’m 16 now and I actually got in!!). I still think about it all the time and I just want to know why he thinks I’m not good enough. I also have a problem with him not taking very good care of me (or my brother) he provides us with a roof over our heads and I don’t expect him to do everything but he always complains about having to do the bare minimum for his CHILDREN. On New Years I had a sudden onset of speech problems, coordination issues, my entire left leg felt like a burning cooling mixed with pins and needles, I was also having very strange mood swings. One minute I would be laughing hysterically and within seconds I would be crying uncontrollably. My mom advised my dad to take me to a doctor because she thought it was a stroke. He refused. It took my mom and I three hours to convince him to get me medical attention. It wasn’t until I cried and cried when the entire left side of my body went numb and when I tried to speak and it came out jumbled that he took me to an immediate care. They called an ambulance and I went to the hospital. They diagnosed me with a Neurological Movement Disorder (that’s a whole other story) he proceeded to tell my family and his friends that there was nothing wrong with me and that I over exaggerated (even though the doctor explained my diagnosis twice in front of him and it says my diagnosis on the discharge sheets and I was prescribed medication to control it). He was not one bit concerned. It’s been 2 months now and all he has done is complain about the medical bills. In fact, that’s the reason I’m writing this. Today we got a bill from immediate care for $300 for the call they made to 911. He said, and I quote “this is ridiculous they didn’t even need to call and ambulance she was fine” my brother looked at my dad and said “she had stroke symptoms that’s an emergency” and he said “no it wasn’t” . He then proceeded to say that he was “officially broke” from the medical bills. I find that absolutely hilarious because he handed every single bill to my mom and she’s paying them. He hasn’t paid a penny. I don’t think he knows that I know my mom has all the bills. I would also like to add that my dad is definitely not even close to broke. He has plenty of money. I could go on but I think this is enough for today. My dad just frustrates me so much and makes me feel very depressed all of the time and I’m so sick of it.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
#2
Hi, Madi - you sound like a very strong, intelligent and insightful person. You should be very proud of your accomplishments. You are good enough! The problem isn’t with you - it’s with him.
I’m so sorry your father is saying these unkind things to you. You know he’s wrong about the things he says, but they still hurt.
It would be great if he would stop, and apologize, but realistically this isn’t going to happen.
It sounds like your mother and brother are supportive. Does your school have a counselor you can talk to? Do you have any relatives who can offer you advice? Have you seen a doctor about your depression and anxiety?
You have a bright future ahead of you. Stay strong and keep believing in yourself.