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My Current (not so great) Situation

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Greyguineapig

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Germany
Hello dear community,

I think I would like to share my current journey so far and why depression and anxiety became a real problem for me currently.

I actually have been struggling with depression since my teens. And that is due to some incidents happened in the past concerning my parents who got divorced (there is more to it but I don't wanna go all into detail).
Me and my mum lived in a woman's place for a while before we could move back again. I think I tried to forget about what happened but when I think about it now it affected me especially while growing up.

In school I always was different and isolated. Back then when my parents still were together I didn't find friends because we were on vacation all the time. After the divorce I just was the 'weird' kid with weird interests. I didn't really fit in although it didn't bother me that much. I had my music and things I like to do to distract me from the social isolation.

In high school I made some friends but the contacts broke as soon as we graduated, which was really terrible for me since I felt happy during that time.

After high school I couldn't really figure out what to do with myself. It took me a while to be brave enough to enroll into a college since I actually didn't want to move but I knew I had to if I wanted to do a job which I would like later on.

Moving itself was terrifying, going to university with all the people. I couldn't really befriend any of them. I thought after while it would go away because it usually does? It works for others why not for me? But that wasn't the case. With every passing month I felt worse and even worse being alone. When Corona happened I was moving back between my college's and mom's place for a few months because I actually didn't wanted to go back at all. During that time I also quit my studies (two months ago) and I don't actually know why I did it. It wasn't hard for me on the intellectual side but everything else was so stressful, talking to people, the assignments, I was overheard a lot, we didn't got support planning the year abroad. There was a lot of pressure and I just couldn't handle it anymore. As I said above I didn't got support from the college, maybe the college just had been a bad choice I don't know.

Now I am back at my college's place and I tried to find jobs but it's really not that easy. I got one opportunity to work where I came back from a few hours ago and I literally almost fainted twice because there where too much people around. I felt so useless. I got through it somehow.
Now I am thinking about to stay or to move back again. I don't want to be a bother to my mom because I know she isn't good off herself. I always wanted to get a good job and be able to support my mom but now I am the complete opposite and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like going back would be really weak but I feel so terrible right now.
 
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Empish

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Uk
I think you should try yoga and read some self help books. Yoga specifically for confidence and anxiety. There are lots of youtube videos or classes. I highly recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle but you might be too young for it so maybe just look into mindfulness and a book called Know your erroneous zones by Wayne dyer. Hope this helps.
 
E

Empish

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Uk
Hello dear community,

I think I would like to share my current journey so far and why depression and anxiety became a real problem for me currently.

I actually have been struggling with depression since my teens. And that is due to some incidents happened in the past concerning my parents who got divorced (there is more to it but I don't wanna go all into detail).
Me and my mum lived in a woman's place for a while before we could move back again. I think I tried to forget about what happened but when I think about it now it affected me especially while growing up.

In school I always was different and isolated. Back then when my parents still were together I didn't find friends because we were on vacation all the time. After the divorce I just was the 'weird' kid with weird interests. I didn't really fit in although it didn't bother me that much. I had my music and things I like to do to distract me from the social isolation.

In high school I made some friends but the contacts broke as soon as we graduated, which was really terrible for me since I felt happy during that time.

After high school I couldn't really figure out what to do with myself. It took me a while to be brave enough to enroll into a college since I actually didn't want to move but I knew I had to if I wanted to do a job which I would like later on.

Moving itself was terrifying, going to university with all the people. I couldn't really befriend any of them. I thought after while it would go away because it usually does? It works for others why not for me? But that wasn't the case. With every passing month I felt worse and even worse being alone. When Corona happened I was moving back between my college's and mom's place for a few months because I actually didn't wanted to go back at all. During that time I also quit my studies (two months ago) and I don't actually know why I did it. It wasn't hard for me on the intellectual side but everything else was so stressful, talking to people, the assignments, I was overheard a lot, we didn't got support planning the year abroad. There was a lot of pressure and I just couldn't handle it anymore. As I said above I didn't got support from the college, maybe the college just had been a bad choice I don't know.

Now I am back at my college's place and I tried to find jobs but it's really not that easy. I got one opportunity to work where I came back from a few hours ago and I literally almost fainted twice because there where too much people around. I felt so useless. I got through it somehow.
Now I am thinking about to stay or to move back again. I don't want to be a bother to my mom because I know she isn't good off herself. I always wanted to get a good job and be able to support my mom but now I am the complete opposite and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like going back would be really weak but I feel so terrible right now.
Also don't put too much pressure on yourself to go back to college right now..you need to focus on getting better..
 

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