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My brothers funeral

LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
437
Location
canada
It wasn't really a funeral it was just a viewing. We could only have 30 people there so it was small. He didn't look like himself, he had clearly been in autopsy too long, he looked like he gained 30lbs since the 3rd and his hands looked like they were made of wax, he looked tired.

I spoke at his second one, I held both of my grandmothers.

Is this really my life now? The house is so quiet, he was the loudest most social one he was the family peacekeeper -how does life keep going on? It feels like the days are too long, making it feel like there's more time to miss him in the day.

I walk into a room and forget immediately what I was doing, I cry every night and for hours in the morning. There's this chest ache that doesn't ever go away.

People keep saying it'll get better but I don't want it to stop hurting that he's gone, I don't want it to be normal that he isn't here.

I know we've had a rocky relationship but he was my big brother and he took care of us when my mom left and my dad couldn't get out of bed. He was the adventurer who pushed us out of our hermit shells. He's the one who puts up with our dad when he's being difficult, never leaves anyone behind.
 
B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
It wasn't really a funeral it was just a viewing. We could only have 30 people there so it was small. He didn't look like himself, he had clearly been in autopsy too long, he looked like he gained 30lbs since the 3rd and his hands looked like they were made of wax, he looked tired.

I spoke at his second one, I held both of my grandmothers.

Is this really my life now? The house is so quiet, he was the loudest most social one he was the family peacekeeper -how does life keep going on? It feels like the days are too long, making it feel like there's more time to miss him in the day.

I walk into a room and forget immediately what I was doing, I cry every night and for hours in the morning. There's this chest ache that doesn't ever go away.

People keep saying it'll get better but I don't want it to stop hurting that he's gone, I don't want it to be normal that he isn't here.

I know we've had a rocky relationship but he was my big brother and he took care of us when my mom left and my dad couldn't get out of bed. He was the adventurer who pushed us out of our hermit shells. He's the one who puts up with our dad when he's being difficult, never leaves anyone behind.
Hi I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better but I want to send my love and hugs your way. It doesn't go back to normal and you will always miss him and think of him but you get to a stage where you accept it and learn to live with it. You said he took care of your and by doing this he has also shown you how to care for each other through that action. Take care of each other xx
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,157
Location
England
Your brother sounded like such a special man. He played a huge role in your life. It is understandable to feel empty now. Grief is so painful. Just know you are not alone.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
586
It wasn't really a funeral it was just a viewing. We could only have 30 people there so it was small. He didn't look like himself, he had clearly been in autopsy too long, he looked like he gained 30lbs since the 3rd and his hands looked like they were made of wax, he looked tired.

I spoke at his second one, I held both of my grandmothers.

Is this really my life now? The house is so quiet, he was the loudest most social one he was the family peacekeeper -how does life keep going on? It feels like the days are too long, making it feel like there's more time to miss him in the day.

I walk into a room and forget immediately what I was doing, I cry every night and for hours in the morning. There's this chest ache that doesn't ever go away.

People keep saying it'll get better but I don't want it to stop hurting that he's gone, I don't want it to be normal that he isn't here.

I know we've had a rocky relationship but he was my big brother and he took care of us when my mom left and my dad couldn't get out of bed. He was the adventurer who pushed us out of our hermit shells. He's the one who puts up with our dad when he's being difficult, never leaves anyone behind.
im really sorry to hear of your loss....thats very sad.....i hope your heart heals soon
 
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