B
Bigfoot
Member
Like many of you, I went from depression to anxiety to self isolating and arrived at agoraphobia. It started creeping in with fear of taking the train for a 45 min ride, later I had trouble getting on the freeway. I know some people have had it worse than me, but I'd like to share my view on what caused it for me and how I'm dealing with it.
To me, agoraphobia feels a lot like claustrophobia, but in reverse. When I am on the freeway in an open space, I feel trapped. It never made sense to me until I was watching a prison documentary involving inmates in solitary confinement. After being isolated for long periods of time, many would adapt to the isolation. Even when they got out of prison, they lived in isolation. I think the brain, under the influence of anxiety, starts to develop two spaces; one safe, the other not. So, I realized it wasn't a rational process but merely a habit of my brain. That meant to me that the only way to make progress was to change my behavior and it was going to be difficult cause my brain was going to fight me.
Change comes with repetition, but I chose to take small inconveniences as opportunities for change. To me, there must be proportionality. Maybe it's a difficult struggle for me to travel a few hours from the house, but should I feel the same way about going to the store ? I know how difficult it is, I know how we start to anticipate dying just because we want to go somewhere, but we also know each time we think this we end up being wrong and all we did was make an ordinary task a mountain that it never was. I see my agoraphobia as a child that needs to learn to have more confidence, and I will be the one to force him into turning dread into opportunity. He always feels better about himself with even small victories which, in time, will make mountains look less intimidating.
I hope this didn't come across as arrogant or obvious. I just found that a change in philosophy, for me, made my struggle meaningful and it's much better than working for my master.
To me, agoraphobia feels a lot like claustrophobia, but in reverse. When I am on the freeway in an open space, I feel trapped. It never made sense to me until I was watching a prison documentary involving inmates in solitary confinement. After being isolated for long periods of time, many would adapt to the isolation. Even when they got out of prison, they lived in isolation. I think the brain, under the influence of anxiety, starts to develop two spaces; one safe, the other not. So, I realized it wasn't a rational process but merely a habit of my brain. That meant to me that the only way to make progress was to change my behavior and it was going to be difficult cause my brain was going to fight me.
Change comes with repetition, but I chose to take small inconveniences as opportunities for change. To me, there must be proportionality. Maybe it's a difficult struggle for me to travel a few hours from the house, but should I feel the same way about going to the store ? I know how difficult it is, I know how we start to anticipate dying just because we want to go somewhere, but we also know each time we think this we end up being wrong and all we did was make an ordinary task a mountain that it never was. I see my agoraphobia as a child that needs to learn to have more confidence, and I will be the one to force him into turning dread into opportunity. He always feels better about himself with even small victories which, in time, will make mountains look less intimidating.
I hope this didn't come across as arrogant or obvious. I just found that a change in philosophy, for me, made my struggle meaningful and it's much better than working for my master.