My bpd possibly affecting my marriage

[EarthChild]

My husband said he's scared of me.

When we disagree, he says I go all quiet then have funny look in my eyes and sometimes i throw things and scream.

He said once he even wanted to call police. And take me to hospital several times but I refused saying I don't need it.

He doesn't know what to do anymore with me and I'm scared of our future too. I don't want to lose him!

I just want to be normal wife but I'm a fucking nutcase with my rages, paranoia, psychosis, voices, anxiety attacks, mood swings, self-harm and depressions (I don't only have bpd, I have schizoaffective and anxiety as well). What a mess!

My husband deserves better... I'm too selfish. Want my way all the time. Too afraid of going out. Averse to socialising. And so on it goes.....

 

[Lavendergirl]

My husband said he's scared of me.

When we disagree, he says I go all quiet then have funny look in my eyes and sometimes i throw things and scream.

He said once he even wanted to call police. And take me to hospital several times but I refused saying I don't need it.

He doesn't know what to do anymore with me and I'm scared of our future too. I don't want to lose him!

I just want to be normal wife but I'm a fucking nutcase with my rages, paranoia, psychosis, voices, anxiety attacks, mood swings, cutting and depressions (I don't only have bpd, I have schizoaffective and anxiety as well). What a mess!

My husband deserves better... I'm too selfish. Want my way all the time. Too afraid of going out. Averse to socialising. And so on it goes.....

I'm sure others will come along to chat and empathise with what you and your husband are going through
Are you in therapy at the moment or under the care of a practitioner?
If so is it possible for yourself and your husband to ask for an appointment together and discuss this situation
You seem very aware of what is going on for you
I can hear the distress in your words.
You are asking for help and recognising your feelings and fears
That shows you have some inner strength to deal with this.
Hang on to that you are not selfish but afraid and vulnerable.
Your husband needs support also that way he can get through this with you.
I hope you can get some further help. x

 

[Daringdan]

It can be tough feeling like you can't be the person you really want to be. I believe we get credit for trying though. I hope for the best for you.

 

[EarthChild]

I'm between pdocs at the moment because my last pdoc said he can't help me - my mental illness too complex for him to treat. He referred me to state mental health team but I haven't gotten in touch yet. Too unmotivated

 

[Daringdan]

Making any kind of progress could have you feeling better. Perhaps your husband could help you get in touch with the state mental health team.

 

[Lavendergirl]

I'm between pdocs at the moment because my last pdoc said he can't help me - my mental illness too complex for him to treat. He referred me to state mental health team but I haven't gotten in touch yet. Too unmotivated

I understand its really difficult when your motivation is low
Just rest give yourself time and when you are ready contact the mental health team.
You are important and deserve the help.

 

[Rufus]

My wife and I have recently split up and I move out on Monday but I will still be caring for her, she suffers with bpd and it has just been horrible, not only for her but for me also, we've been together for 7 years and we only got her diagnosis in January, the best advice I can give is that your husband needs some sort of support structure with counselling, for him to do it alone will be a recipie for disaster, it is to much strain over time, if you are both in the same therapy session he needs to be open and honest about everything from how he feels to the ways you act without worry of it hurting your feelings, this way you can get the best care and he the support on how to deal with any situation that may arise, if you can try and look into getting DBT,

Try and recognise what your triggers are, figure out ways to get you calm and through any episodes, for the anger side we started to get out some boxing pads and gloves so we could still talk and release some aggression while having a focus on something, it got her heart rate up giving the body a reason for its fast pace and not just the anxiety on its own.