• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

my boyfriend tried to commit suicide

A

annagirl0000

Former member
Hello...
I didn't know where else to post this so i'm posting it here. I just need some advice on what to do and stuff, I have nobody to talk to and I am terried, shocked and heartbroken.

I am a 19 years old girl in my first real relationship since a year back, it's been very rocky from the start with him admitting to battling lots of inner demons that he has no control over and not wanting to spend that much time with me, i'm not sure why but maybe he just doesn't have the energy to. I've still always been deeply in love with him, he's been my dream guy in all other sences: very handsome, funny, very extrovert, extremely charming etc etc. I should've understood from the start that no guy is that perfect and turned it he wasn't but I chose to look past it since I am far from perfect myself, battling with social anxiety and insecurity. But our relationship has always in other ways been good, he can be so sweet and we've seriously talked about moving in together and getting engaged - both of those things being his ideas. He sort of sees me as the light in his life I think, i've realized now that that isn't an entirely positive thing..

Couple of months ago he went behind my back lying about something, I found it out on my own and got very upset and demanded a break, we've been on a break for three months now. We recently spoke and he told me he wanted me back so badly, he had become suicidal and told me he'd tried commiting suicide already, once stabbing himself with a knife. It made me terrified of course.. I worry deeply about his mental health and I should have seen this coming earlier, I even recall him saying once if he hadn't met me he'd probably been dead by now. I thought he was joking, just trying to sound romantic somehow, but I realize now he is in serious need of help. His demons are worse than I thought.

I cannot break up with him now and just the thought of me having to do so breaks my heart because it's insane but i've never loved someone so much that I have been able to look past such warning signs. I usually stay away from unstable people, my ex also being one of those - he threatened with killing himself when I left him but never actually tried. My boyfriend did and more than once. I guess I just keep attracting unstable people for some reason.

I can't break up because that could push him over the edge and well I WANT to help him, it's just so hard - what if he refuses to see a psychologist ?! I am the ONLY one he's ever told his problems to, he wears a "mask" infront of ALL of his friends and his parents know nothing of this, I am the only person who knows who he really is underneath the surface, he would never let any of his friends find out that he has a weak side. I am not close with any of his friends or his parents either so I can't tell this to anyone. I alone need to be his help, I need to make sure he gets the help he needs but what if I can't?.. I can't be his therapist, it would completely break me, i'm not a very strong person and even if I was he needs professional help anyway, maybe even medication. He could suffer from chronic depression or something worse.
We go to the same school as well until spring so I will have to keep seeing him, how do I go about that? I can't break up because he is already suicidal, I can't be just friends with him because he doesn't think being friends is enough and in the middle of all this I am still so f*cking in love with him and I don't even know how, I can't even begin to explain how i'm feeling right now, how much of a shock this is. Please help me, give me some advice, please. :panic:
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,534
Location
Stanton, CA
You should tell him firmly that he needs to see a doctor. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you are in love with him, but that you can't be his therapist. Tell him how worried you are for his safety. Try to convince him any way you can to see a doctor. But don't let him manipulate you. I am concerned that he didn't want to spend much time with you, and I'm even more concerned by his lying to you. It is important that you stand up for your own needs and insist that others treat you well. You need to set boundaries with this guy, even if you are in love with him, and even if he is mentally ill.
 
A

annagirl0000

Former member
Thanks for your answer.

I have spoken to him about everything but he seems to be very unwilling to find help, and he seems to be taking very lightly on the suicide attempts :confused:
When I spoke to him again he told me that it was like 3 weeks ago and he "didn't succeed anyway" as if that makes it less serious?!
He also seems generally confused and all of a sudden happy as if everything is okay when the day before he was suicidal. And he told me that he only person who can help him is me, no psychologist.... before later saying ok to seeking help if that would make me feel better but I doubt he will.

This will not be easy.... :low: He refuses to acknowledge the fact that he has a problem that he needs help for.
He wants to keep his image of being happy and "the best" and going to a psychologist would ruin that image in his eyes.
I don't know how I can convince him that his well being is more important than other peoples image of him.
 
A

annagirl0000

Former member
Oh and there is one more thing.....
I will have to tell him that we can't be together anymore. The last thing I want to do is to break up but i'm already completely crushed, and he is too close to the edge. It's bad for both of us to be together because he needs to get out of this dark tunnel before he can be in a relationship otherwise he will hurt himself even more, he will continue feeling depressed over him not being able to be the "perfect boyfriend" for me and I will be in a relationship where I am his girlfriend/second therapist and I can't do that.... I have been thinking about getting in contact with a therapist myself for a while so I am clearly not the right person to help..
I want to be his friend, I want to support him and make sure he's alright but only as a friend, that is all I can do. I have my life too and my problems, I can't carry his as well.
How do I make him accept this when he won't even admit there's a problem in first place?
 
Last edited:
S

starzzzzz

Former member
You are right, you are not responsible for his problems. If he decides to hurt himself that is his decision and that is not your responsibility. You have to do what is right for you. He needs to get help, but he needs to do that himself. I know you love him but you need to look after no.1 in this situation x
 

Similar threads

K
Replies
6
Views
324
kim0123
K
K
Replies
4
Views
384
Confusedandanxious
Confusedandanxious
Top