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My boy and skunk

dodo777

dodo777

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2012
Messages
657
Location
cardiff
Its not only destroying his life but its bring all the family down emotionally and financially. He just caused a huge row because he gets his money today and owes it all out to me his mum and who ever is strapping it to him. He has a personality disorder ptsd he takes mitrazipine and quitripine or something like that but he only takes them when things get to much but day after he is a different man angry paranoid but also manipulative when money day is due. I only had half what he owes even though he had rather a big lump which was unexpected but said he owes it all which I do not believe specially the amount that he didn't know was coming but after this when he pays the rest I am putting my down. That is it not going through this again. s
S o I must get it into his head that I had large bills to pay and maybe make up a story saying I been a victim of fraud or he will continue and I cant be doing with more stress specially after getting over my own mental illnesses. Well hope I haven't said to much because someone living near me read this and they might work out who is writing this.
Stan are you still on here hope your lifes better in a hurry so thanks anyone who reads this and put their views. Bye for now.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Hi and welcome

im in Australia so...you're pretty much anonymous here :)

thanks for sharing

lots of thoughts mainly around enabling and boundaries x

Best

BDU
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Hi Dodo777
I just wanted to say I too have a son who has no ability to handle money sensibly or feels any financial responsibility towards me when I have been housing him for free and supporting him as a single parent for the last 13 years and for the last six years I have been retired and living on my pensions which amount to an income of £12,000 a year. He is 29 now and has been unemployed for three years although he has been working for the last few weeks.

I have tried - but both he and his girlfriend of 12 years have totally unrealistic expectations of life (for example they have been talking recently about renting a house together but they said it would have to be a detached house:eek:) and both of them feel they are 'special snowflakes' and are therefore obsessed, first and foremost, with finding ways to alleviate the 'stress' they feel and with finding mood-uplifters whether that be skunk, booze, expensive take-aways, clubbing, masses of junk food or binge-watching illegally downloaded TV series.

My son tells me he is depressed and his girlfriend is on anti-depressants and it was recently suggested to her that she might have BPD. But...despite suffering from depression myself, forgive me, I'm not convinced by their diagnoses or perhaps it's the case that I don't really care. I'm sick to death of their blatant selfishness.

Put yourself first, is my advice. Make it entirely clear to your son what you expect and what the consequences are if he doesn't meet those expectations. You are suffering too. You are just as important as he is.
 
sahasrara

sahasrara

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Joined
Apr 17, 2012
Messages
414
Location
Dorset
harsh as it is, your son is old enough to be looking after himself. as a parent it goes against everything you have done for them, food, warmth, safety, love, a home and everything else a parent provides for their child. sometimes you have to put yourself first. if you can't bear the say no when your son needs money they you realistically need to think about him finding somewhere else to live. you can't risk your home because you can't pay your bills because your son won't return what is owed. it's better to kick him out and keep your home and always be that safe place for him to return if he ever needs than try your best for him now and loose everything. then if worst comes to worst in the future you won't be in the position to offer a roof over his head or similar. I have grown up with people I know taking advantage of their parents. I'm not against living with your parents at all, it's a wise thing to do for as long as possible but it's when the parents are struggling and you have effectively a manchild who works 10hours a week and spends his life on computer games when his mother ( who is at retirement age now) is working her ass off to keep the house they live in and food on the table.
anyway went on a rant there.
you have to do what's best in the long run for you. your son is old enough to make his own decisions and sort his own life now.
 
sahasrara

sahasrara

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 17, 2012
Messages
414
Location
Dorset
just realised you never mentioned your sons age dodo so hope my post is still applicable
 
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