My Borderline Fiancee overdosed two days ago....

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benben245

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Apr 11, 2019
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#1
My soulmate, love of 5 years, passed away on Friday/Saturday morning. I miss her so much, I want to kill myself to be next to her. She was gorgeous, sexual, kind, but was in so much pain, her feelings were razor blades. I moved to Austin to get us away form Washington DC, but I had to go alone first. I was not with her when she died, and I feel terrible. She missed a flight I had booked for her two weeks ago, instead of being angry I should have been scared for her. I had been in touch with the DEA, police, and FBI for months prior trying to get her dealer arrested. In truth, her friend was the proxy that kept supplying her, I threatened her months ago, she allegedly destroyed evidence the morning of and deleted texts from K.....y's phone. I want to be close to her through others on this forum who are borderline. Love, pain, abandonment, splitting, pushing and pulling and suicidal thoughts, I am here to talk. I am having a hard time wanting to live but this is day 5.
 
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Girl interupted

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#3
I’m very sorry you lost someone you loved.
 
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benben245

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#6
oh my goodness x I am so very sorry
please lean on us for support
all my love warm wishes and support
Lu xxxx
I want to hear from others about my idea of feelings are real and justified but not always rational in my love's beautiful but fragile mind. She missed her flight to see me, I was upset and she took that as me not loving her anymore and within two weeks she passed from an overdose. Im sure the heroin deluded her mind, but this idea that somehow I didn't love her when I had just booked her flight to come down and visit, leaving for Austin to save her life, is very frustrating. I got her mother involved in late February and she wrote a letter saying, "Andrew loves you with all his heart, he told me about your addiction because he is scared of losing you...." ..... This may sound bizarre, but perhaps those of you with the strongest sexual energy can feel a part of her in my words?
 
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EstherRose94

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#7
I don’t know if it’ll help you but hopefully will. When you’re ready you can tell us about her.. what you loved about her, what she was like.

It’s really sweet that you loved her not only despite her flaws but that you loved her flaws too. That’s very special.

I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t imagine what that would be like.
 
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benben245

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Apr 11, 2019
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#8
I don’t know if it’ll help you but hopefully will. When you’re ready you can tell us about her.. what you loved about her, what she was like.

It’s really sweet that you loved her not only despite her flaws but that you loved her flaws too. That’s very special.

I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t imagine what that would be like.
KT loved TA, sex, furs, herve leger, fashion, was a genius writer but was eternally sad. Her mother was an alcoholic and her father not around. When she was a little bit older her birth father wrote her a letter entitled "baby k, I love you but I can't be with you because I already have a family..." I was honored to give her a first class life for 5 years, well 3.5, poverty strikes! We traveled to Paris together in 2016 and spent christmas there for the first time, staying off the Rue de Honoree, it was magical because she was magic. She wanted to be a high class escort, :) , I was perfect for her because I am not jealous in fact, its a turn on, the sexuality. She could have done anything but was drawn to sex work for the validation more than likely, this having more to do with BPD than perhaps her personality, or maybe they are one in the same. She loved to disassociate with netflix or movies, perhaps a little two much. In her last couple months she would binge Law and Order and those criminal detective shows, like NCIS. I laughed, how can you watch shows about rape over and over to soothe your soul. Perhaps the soothing comes from knowing that in the mundanity there are no surprises, no fear of the unknown, which is what haunted her and made basic daily tasks like ordering pizza over the phone difficult for her. I needed to get her therapy, I was working towards a safe place for her, but addiction and an evil enabler had her grips on her. This person threw away evidence the morning of, the cops are aware of this, I pray she is punished for taking my baby from me and for manipulating sweet K. I am trying to get in contact with TA so she is aware K loved her music. There is no type when it comes to this girl, she was objectively beautiful, a classic thoroughbred. K give me a sign that we will be together again. Keep me from hurting myself, bring me happiness and guide me towards sanity in these early days. If you can get me through this, I will work as hard as I can everyday to reach my potential and honor you with life.
 
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Jules5

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Jan 27, 2019
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#9
It is good that you are reaching out for help and people to understand your loss. I am so very sorry this happened. Hugs