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My Bipolar Poem !

M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
I have cyclothymia and my partner is finding it hard to understand me as I find it hard to explain, so I decided to write it down. This is what came out of it ....



Stolen Mind

Do you think that I am crazy or think I have gone mad ,
One mintue I act so happy, the next I am down and sad?
You ask me many questions , the answers I can not find,
I know you are trying to help me, but I can not control my mind.
Would you call me crazy or think I was insane
If I told you about the man I saw standing in the rain?
What about the others , the ones who look unkind?
You do not see these figures, they are only in my mind.
I see the figures moving , fear washes over me, I freeze ,
How could I ever tell you , it is not something you could believe.

Would you still want me if I told you, some of the things that I really feel ,
Like somebody behind me , they are chasing me , but it's not real.
That fear,the panic the adrenalin, that makes me want to run and hide ,
Would you still want to be that man , standing by my side?
The thought someone wants to kill me ,while sitting on my own,
You have no idea how scared I am, when I am all alone.
The voices wake me in the night, although I cant hear what is said,
I lie there shaking next to you , too scared to leave the bed.

There is no way of me knowing when my mood will decide to swing,
Perhaps I might want to dance today , twirl around and sing.
I might walk out infront of that car , as it could not hurt me at all,
I am too high up in the clouds to notice that I could fall.
I will spend some money widely ,does not matter how much I waste,
For once I get that rushed feeling, I just savour the sweet taste.
Perhaps I will be angry and become agitated and not sit still ,
Then along comes the postman and in the bin, goes another bill.


Do you ever wonder why, I forget things that I have said ,
Somedays I am too frightened to even get out of my bed,
With no clue to what will be my mood , not something I can choose,
Out of choice I hope it is a high as then I never loose,
On a high I become someone else , someone much better than me,
I am invinsable to the world , I can do anything then you see.
I could be a writer , a model , perhaps I will be a nurse
But this is not really me , its a high mood which is a curse.


And then I hit the ground again and the depression does its best
It leaves me feeling tired , my mind just needs to rest
Then I turn into a monster, screaming I hate you, I want you out,
Sometimes you are scared to talk to me incase I start to shout.
I can not bear to feel you touch me , stay away I want to be alone,
Only I hear the knock at the door or the ringing of the phone,
I have no control over my feelings , I will often sit and cry,
This is when that voice creeps in, to tell me just to die.

This is a daily battle , not something that will go away,
Are you sure you can handle this , that you really want to stay,
I know that you are trying to love whichever person I have to be ,
It is so difficult to remember which is the cyclothymia and which is me.
 
K

Kat667

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
95
Location
Bath
Nice one,
Loved the poem.
A lot of it sounds very familiar to my own domestic situation.

well done.:clap:
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
I love poems, yours was well written and will give a good understanding to anyone wanting to know how you feel :clap:
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
aw that was really good. well done! i could never manage that. would love to be able to tho. xx:)
 
M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
Thanks x I can express myself better when I am writing than when speaking.
I have decided to start my own Journal on here , be nice to look back at it in a years time.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

A moving and honest and unpretentious poem.

You have a talent for writing.
 
P

prettywoman

Active member
Joined
Jan 24, 2010
Messages
41
Hi, Im new to this forum, and came across your poem....it was like someone had got into my head, reading my thoughts, feelings....wish Id have found it sooner to show my ex partner..

Well done you!
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
That is such a good poem :). Alot rings true to me too.
Very well done :D:clap:
 
Jo1760

Jo1760

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,507
Location
London
Wow your poem is fantastic. I really hope writing down you feelings in such a way helps you to get your thoughts out in the open a little more.

Take care and welcome to the forum - I hope you find it a useful place.

X
 
M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
My other half was really struggling to understand how I felt . As I find it hard to tell him some of the " bad" thoughts, I guessed writing it down was easier for me.

I have always enjoyed writing and find it theraputic. Sometimes it's easier to say what you are feeling on paper as finding the correct words are hard.
 
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