My bipolar has ruined my friendships :(

[its_all_good]

Hey everyone

I apologise in advance for what may sound like a rather depressing post, but i can't hold it in any longer.

I was diagnosed with bipolar two years ago and it's completely ruined my life. I try to stay afloat, but every time something good happens, I go crazy and spoil it all.

Which brings me to my friends. When I first told some of them (and my family) about my illness, they understood me and said they will still like me despite my violent mood swings. Fast-forward two years and none of them want to talk to me anymore. They couldn't stand my changes in mood. My family doesn't acknowledge that I've got a problem. They dismiss it as something trivial.

What hurts the most is that no one understands what I go through. I feel so alone. My days are just empty and boring now - OK, I'm in a job that I love, but afterwards, I still feel isolated. I'm at home most of the time and I'm going crazy. I'm on medication for the rest of my life and it's killing me.

All I want is to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. Someone who understands my condition. Someone who will stick by me, inspite of my disorder. It's such a cruel world we live in.

Thanks. You may hit the back button on your browser now if you want.

 

[unlucky]

I'm sure you'll meet a lot of people on the forum who've had similar experiences. I don't have bipolar (at least not that I know of!!) but I did lose 95% of my friends when I became ill. It really does make you realise who is worth having in your life. Is there no-one at work who you get along with and could maybe suggest going somewhere out of work? I've found that on the whole the people I've trusted with my illness have been supportive but I think its just a case of weeding out the people you can trust. I hope things look up for you soon.

 

[its_all_good]

Thanks for the reply. I'm not too keen on opening up to people at work. One, they're all insular. Two, we don't have anything in common. Three, they're all in their 30s - I'm 23. Four, they say the odd 'hi', but don't really want to take it any further. It's better that way.

I just wished there was someone outside work who got on with me and can like me for what I am. I have no one. I'd like to say I have my family, but really, they don't take my problems seriously.

 

[unlucky]

I'm lucky enough to have my husband. My family are the same as yours and pretend theres nothing wrong with me. My hubbys family are really good though. Are there no support groups near you? You could ask your gp/psych about that. Maybe if you met someone who suffered the same as you you'd be able to open up more.

 

[Lupus Albus]

I think a lot of people with a mental condition go through the same thing, so you are certainly not alone. Have you ever thought about going to some kind of support group? You'd meet a lot of people who are going through the same things as you, and i iamagine its a lot nicer than therapy, as you don't really have someone trying to analyse you as such, just a group of friends who will be willing to listen to you, and open up.

harad x

 

[Cal]

I don't have bipolar just depression and i know how it can make having friends difficult, for me i just have trouble socialising because i tend to withdraw or if i want to talk to someone i wait for them to talk to me first. I hope things get better for you and remember you can meet friends in the strangest of places and just because you may have nothing in common with them doesn't mean you won't get on really well (my best friends all seem to be from totally different social categories)

 

[schizolanza]

Noone really understands.Not family anyway.Only people who have mental health problems can relate.That's why this forum can be so great.

 

[shelly]

Yes I agree, its hard trying to explain to friends that your not feeling well. I haven't told anyone at work people ask if I'm ok but I just say yes, its easier. Even my good friends I withdraw from not that I have many. The only people I have are my hubby and sister really apart from that no one. I could be dead in this house for weeks if they weren't around as the phone never rings which is sad.

 

[Lilzy]

I go through the same problem and sometimes I feel really horrible afterwards. It's like every single time, I want to compete in everything we do together and sometimes I get really pissed off when a friend is like self pitying herself (e.g Oh I got such a low score, I wish I got higher) and she wouldn't stop talking about it when I already told her that I got a lower score. I know that I should probably stop being friends with her if she's always like that but sometimes, too late, I realise I shouldn't have snapped because in the end she was really a great friend.

Then I feel really guilty but it happens again tommorow. Some days I feel like my friends are the best in the world but some days, I can't stop picking on their horrible traits and feeling like I really don't want to be their friend anymore.

I've ruined so many friendships before (one where I was too controlling and my best friend in primary went off with another) so I really don't want to ruin this one. Yes, I'm still friends with them but it's pretty thin and tense right now.



Sorry for venting. I really had to say this. Can I just ask for advice though? My mother is also bipolar, even though she doesn't admit to it and at home, things can get really tense and messy because my mum often shouts at me for little things and I get really pissed off and we start shouting. What should I do? My mother makes me get into a really bad mood and I bring that bad mood to school. We can't sit down and talk it out because we've tried that and well, it doesn't work.

 

[mommywoman]

Lost my friends

I have lost the only 3 friends I had. I have always had certain expectations of my friends, but lately I have been too critical of them. My husband says I expect my friends to be like me. First, my friends have always known that I don't do favors, ie.drive you to the dr,.house sit, etc, and I don't expect them to do it for me. I don't borrow things like sugar, or toilet paper. This is how I was raised,not to impose and I expect the same from my friends. But when I call or email or text I don't expect that I should have to wait a.week or two to hear back from them. I am hear to listen to their problems when they need a shoulder amd they are there for me. You can tell that when I dump on them that they don't understand my anxieties, agorophobia, and bp. One friend wanted to meet for dinner. At the last minute I cancelled.I did this another 2 times, that ended our friendship. I've known her for some 30 yrs. I told her about agorophoebia and how I never know ahead of time if I'm going to have an anxiety. I told her that I didn't realize that our friendship was so shallow and that it hinged on my being able to meet for dinner. My only other friendship ended with my feeling that our friendship was not as good as I thought. That is a very long story. At any rate, it seems my bp has made me critical in judging my friends. It has made me think about what a friend really is. While I have been critical, it really has been their decision to cut off our friendship. That's ok cause like I told my therapist I have my six cats and two dogs and they are my new best friends. Of course, she is trying to straighten me out cause I have no mkwm