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my binge eating disorder

I

Insecuregirl

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Netherlands
Dear reader,

I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.

Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.

I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.

I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.

I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,779
Location
Canada
Dear reader,

I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.

Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.

I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.

I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.

I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
the more you cut back on sugar the less you will crave it

sugar is addictive and escalating

it will consume your mind. always craving it, and wanting it

then it makes regular food taste bitter

its like a trap
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,106
Location
Nashua NH
Dear reader,

I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.

Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.

I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.

I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.

I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
Hi there, I’m so sorry for your trouble. I have experienced similar tendencies from a very early age. When I was eight I ate a half a pound of cheese while my parents were out one night and it got blamed on the babysitter. My parents were sort of strict with foods food. But I bought chips and chocolate most every day at the end of my paper route and bought cakes with my paper route money at school. As an adult my weight has been a constant daily struggle. I try to reign things in to get a handle on my weight but almost always end up eating more than I should anyway. It is difficult to always feel this overweight. I would recommend seeing a doctor about your binge eating disorder. It is a condition that should be treated medically and with support. Choosing to get treatment for it now may help you to prevent your health from spiraling as it might do later on. xo, j
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,026
Location
nowhere
Are you eating real food that gives your body what it needs? If you're not, you will crave things. Try replacing sweets with fruit. Try replacing salty things with crunchy lower salt and fat things.

And people aren't talking about you. And if anyone ever does, tell them to f*** it. They're no better than you.
 
H

Huckleberry

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2021
Messages
139
Location
Michigan
Dear reader,

I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.

Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.

I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.

I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.

I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
Real Friends don't abandon, they try and uplift. I know how it is when you say you want to do something and people nit pick and throw passive aggressive insults at you. I think you need someone in your corner. Family or a friend. I know it's probably scary too because you are leaving yourself open to even more vulnerability. Find a friend who doesn't AH HA your faults everytime and maybe ask them to help support you. I think people with eating disorders with binge or overeating can learn from people who slowly quit smoking but cutting down little by little. It's ultimately up to you so you have to be the one who has to put forward the effort to stop and limit and or just delay another hour and keep that pace. I don't think you should beat yourself up either. I hope you can beat this and you will if you never give up
 
A

Angxx

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Canada
Dear reader,

I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.

Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.

I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.

I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.

I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
Hey, I think this is the first time I'm finally able to relate to someone and it literally brought tears to my eyes. Honestly I don't have much advice because I struggle with eh exact same problems and have had a very similar experience. But I would say is that first of all try to stop feeli g guilty about it, which I know is difficult. Do things that make you feel good, weightlifting is something that has helped me, go for walks, ride your bike etc. Stay active! try to not ignore your cravings or over restrict yourself because it will just make you binge more. Instead, make simple switches, try things like sorbet, frozen yogurt, protein shakes (trust me they can be yummy), try buying less chocolate or replace it with dark chocolate or other healthier and lower-calorie treats, I with you luck on your journey, we're in this together :)
 
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