I
Insecuregirl
New member
Dear reader,
I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.
Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.
I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.
I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.
I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.
I'm a 21 year old girl, who is not comfortable with my own body.
I recently found out I have a binge eating disorder. I have massive binge eating moment, where I can eat up to 2 back of chips, in 1 go. However, I think I have known it for a long time, but I didn't have the confidence to even realize the truth myself.
Since I was in high school, I've battled with my weight. I do not appear as obese, not to the outside world at least. I have never felt confident about my body and I have been bullied with it, even when I was around 7 years old. I was called ''little miss piggy''. Even so, that I started watching my food from a young age, driven by my parents.
I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I was raised in a rather strict household. I was never allowed to eat everything I ever wanted, I didn't get the chance to eat a whole bag of chips. We had strict ''eating times'' and it was almost the same everytime. However, I saw my friends just eating bags of chips and cookies, whenever they wanted to.
I never lost a lot of weight at once. Most of the time, around 5 kg, but never more. Because then, my cravings at sweets started to come back in. Now, I'm in university. Coronavirus isn't making things easy, and I notice that I'm undergoing a lot more stress then usual. I notice that I have around 3 massive binge eating moments a week, always when my parents aren't home. When they ask me, if I ate, for example, the chocolates, because they see that they are more empty then how they left them, I deny. They know I did it. But I still do not have the confidence to tell them the truth, I lie to them... Even so, that my parents get really angry. Then I tell them that I did eat the chocolate, which results in a break of trust. I never tell them about my binge eating, because I buy the food myself, with cash, so that they don't see it on my bank account.
I always tell people that I want to loose weight. I'm not happy with the body that I'm living in, but I cannot just skip the sweets and chips. However, I feel incredibly guilty when I had my binge eating moment, so I puke everything out, and I just go on with my normal eating. I just have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm overweight, but just doesn't have the guts to tell me right in the face. I live in a very honest country, but this is something that they gossip about around your back. Even at work, I accidentally ate a piece of chocolate, because I thought it was sitting there, because we were allowed to eat it. It turns out, it wasn't. I apologized for it, but they are still making jokes about it: ''I thought you were dieting? I would love such a diet where I was allowed to eat a whole bunch of chocolate!''. I do not feel appreciated anymore, and my confidence is at all time low and I feel like I'm the only one in my surroundings who suffers from this... I have honestly nobody to talk to, because I do not have the confidence to talk to them about it, because I'm afraid they will ''abandon'' me as a friend, because I bring too much trouble along with me.