• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

My best friend really hurt me

almostordinary

almostordinary

Member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Hey everybody, emotions are very high right now but I’ll try and keep this simple.

My best friend has been going through a hard time, she’s been really struggling with the lockdown and recently started taking new anti-depressants that she says are making her feel really irritable. I’ve been trying to support her, listening without giving unwarranted advice, but she said something to me a few days ago and I don’t know what I did to upset her.

I sent her a message asking how she was feeling and she asked me ‘did (insert her boyfriend’s name) tell you to ask me that?’. I was shocked when she sent me that. For clarification, a couple of weeks ago her boyfriend sent a message to me and another mutual friend asking if we could facetime her because she’d had a really bad depression episode the night before (which we weren’t aware of until he told us). I didnt know it bothered her that he asked us that and regardless, I’m really upset that she said that to me.

When she sent me that message, I responded with a simple ‘no’ and neither of us said anything else until the next day. The day after she sent me a message that just said ‘sorry’. This is probably just me, but I don’t think ‘sorry’ is enough of an apology when you’ve said something so hurtful to someone checking up on you. I want an explanation, I want to know what I did to make her so angry that she’d treat me like that. I didn’t respond right away because I was feeling pretty angry still, so a few hours later I just said ‘I’m still hurt right now but thank you for apologising’ and she didn’t respond. Now I don’t know what to do, we haven’t spoken in nearly 2 days and I have no idea what she’s thinking. Im still upset, not so much now over the initial incident but more so that she isn’t saying anything? And I don’t know what I did in the first place to make her angry? I don’t know, I’m just upset and I don’t know where to go from here.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,570
Location
Nowhere
I am upset because I felt she implied that the only reason I would ask how she’s doing is because I’ve been told to ask by another person. That’s why I’m hurt
if shes not well she might not be able to accommodate your feelings at this time
if you're feeling well hopefully you can accommodate hers
and offer her unconditional support

:grouphug: 🎼🍀
 
almostordinary

almostordinary

Member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
if shes not well she might not be able to accommodate your feelings at this time
if you're feeling well hopefully you can accommodate hers
and offer her unconditional support

:grouphug: 🎼🍀
I am not well unfortunately. Like many of us, I’ve lost a lot due to this virus. Under normal circumstances I would be able to brush something like this off.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,389
Location
London, ON
I am upset because I felt she implied that the only reason I would ask how she’s doing is because I’ve been told to ask by another person. That’s why I’m hurt.
Like I said originally - what she said is a common defensive reaction from somebody in a depressive type episode. We get torn between needing somebody to realize how down we are, and being terrified that its visible.

You really shouldn't feel hurt, it's not a distrust of you, but fear and the illness making her over sensitive, too.
Under normal circumstances I would be able to brush something like this off.
So, remind yourself of this, to remove the sting. Normally, it wouldn't have mattered - it's your own stress making you react.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,570
Location
Nowhere
I am not well unfortunately. Like many of us, I’ve lost a lot due to this virus. Under normal circumstances I would be able to brush something like this off
in that case you might be of limited help to her
she might feel alienated, or she might feel responsible for your feelings
both of which are not helpful while she is struggling
you be better off getting some help for yourself I feel

ive had alot of trouble when my illness clashes with someone elses
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,144
Location
Nashua NH
I think your feelings of hurt are real and valid.
It is up to the two of you to negotiate whether she meant to hurt you, why and what to do about it.
Having two days without communication seems valid. You might want to check in at some point and ask her why she asked you this and let her know that it hurt you. This would give her the opportunity to explain her perspective. I’m sure you will both be able to get through this. She is very lucky to have you as a caring presence in her life and I’m sure she knows this. It’s a tough time for many people for different reasons right now. I’m sure you will both be able to get over this bump in the road. :hug:
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
183
Location
uk
your friend is clearly going through a bad time, she is taking anti depressants, she asked if her boyfriend told you to contact her, as he had before and you said no, she then said sorry.

There is no need for you to try to make her feel bad after that, she said sorry and you should not be making her feel bad after she said sorry.

She hasn't done anything horrible to you at all
.
Just be supportive and ask how she is doing
 
Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
422
Location
South east england
Its really hard for someone with borderline to say sorry cos the ehole range of emotions that come with it. ( intense guilt,sadness ect) just accept shes sorry and move on and let it go. Ive found with my friend who has bpd u just got let things go easy and move on quick. She says alot things she doesnt mean impulsively when shes down, we might argue or not talk then later she says sorry and we let it go.
Its not easy but ur friend didnt mean nothing by it and was just having a hard time. Try accept her sorry and move on if u can
 
almostordinary

almostordinary

Member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Its really hard for someone with borderline to say sorry cos the ehole range of emotions that come with it. ( intense guilt,sadness ect) just accept shes sorry and move on and let it go. Ive found with my friend who has bpd u just got let things go easy and move on quick. She says alot things she doesnt mean impulsively when shes down, we might argue or not talk then later she says sorry and we let it go.
Its not easy but ur friend didnt mean nothing by it and was just having a hard time. Try accept her sorry and move on if u can
She doesn’t have borderline, I do.
 
P

Princess Zelda

Guest
Hello. Sorry you're going through this. I think it's best to give it time. Maybe just talk to her and tell her what is on your mind. I think being honest in this situation would probably be the best. I'm sure the both of you will understand each other. I hope everything works out well!
 
Carol1952

Carol1952

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1,829
Location
New England
Hey everybody, emotions are very high right now but I’ll try and keep this simple.

My best friend has been going through a hard time, she’s been really struggling with the lockdown and recently started taking new anti-depressants that she says are making her feel really irritable. I’ve been trying to support her, listening without giving unwarranted advice, but she said something to me a few days ago and I don’t know what I did to upset her.

I sent her a message asking how she was feeling and she asked me ‘did (insert her boyfriend’s name) tell you to ask me that?’. I was shocked when she sent me that. For clarification, a couple of weeks ago her boyfriend sent a message to me and another mutual friend asking if we could facetime her because she’d had a really bad depression episode the night before (which we weren’t aware of until he told us). I didnt know it bothered her that he asked us that and regardless, I’m really upset that she said that to me.

When she sent me that message, I responded with a simple ‘no’ and neither of us said anything else until the next day. The day after she sent me a message that just said ‘sorry’. This is probably just me, but I don’t think ‘sorry’ is enough of an apology when you’ve said something so hurtful to someone checking up on you. I want an explanation, I want to know what I did to make her so angry that she’d treat me like that. I didn’t respond right away because I was feeling pretty angry still, so a few hours later I just said ‘I’m still hurt right now but thank you for apologising’ and she didn’t respond. Now I don’t know what to do, we haven’t spoken in nearly 2 days and I have no idea what she’s thinking. Im still upset, not so much now over the initial incident but more so that she isn’t saying anything? And I don’t know what I did in the first place to make her angry? I don’t know, I’m just upset and I don’t know where to go from here.
Hi my best friend has hurt me many times even though i know she cares but she has a habbit of getting nasty with me I called her twice this week because I was so upset worrying about my money in the bank.She snapped at me and said how many people told u already it would be okay.?There was no need for that.Like i told her that is not how my brain works She for some reason doesnt like me calling her SHe said she cannot help me I know I told her that I just needed a friend to talk to she said nothing,i know she snapped at me because she loves and very much she has told me she loves me every day when I see her she does and I know it and Ilove her very much too_ONe time she had surgery so i called her twice in two weeks,I told her why i did it,she told me when she is sick of course she doesnt feel like talking on the phone,so if she didnt feel like talking then dont anwser the phone i would be worried still she always says I have a husband,or I worry to much just the other day she has never seem worry as much as I do,but you know what my mother was like that but she worried a lot more then me so why is it when we worry a lot people have to make stupid comments?Then she said just the other day why give you someone your number if they aint going to use it? Yet it is ok for her other friends to call.The most i talk with is bout 15-20 minutes that is all i need,still snapped at me when she said I need to start trusting people talk about being hurtful.She told me I have changed since i got home from the nursing home like i dont comb my hair anymore ,i to do i wash my hair every day and brush it a couple of times a day now when she comes i am laying down so of course it is going to be messed up.WHen i was in the nursing home for three months I was only allowed to call her twice a week.THen why can her other friends call why did she even bother to give me her number if she doesnt want me calling her?She said she would always be here for me once when i was having a hard time one time she even brought her pug over to cheer me up it did.I have this feeling almost like when she leaves my that is she doesnt wANT to even think of me,however i know she told me stuff like she had a dream about me being able to walk around all over the place with my walker.If she has stuff she doesnt want she will see if I want it.SHe helps me around the house once in a while.WE have loads of laughs toI know her believe me if she didnt want to come and see me she wouldnt she actually gets upset when she cannot stay,she brings me meals on wheels.I just dont get why she doesnt like me calling her.I know she doesnt want me to worry she even told me once she doesnt like telling me anything because she is afraid my anxieties will get worse.I told her it doesnt work that way.I love her so much because she is really a good person i just dont know she has to snap or yell at me,maybe that is the only way she knows how to help people or maybe she doesnt evne realize she is doing it.
 
B

BlueButBeautiful

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2020
Messages
13
Location
India
Hey
I think it just really sucks when we don't understand the highs of feelings we are going through. It's okay. Your feelings are valid. There's no wrong or right way to feel and you don't have to think it's bad. I think it's really important for you to realise that, because when you're trying to resolve an issue, you obviously wouldn't want many thoughts to hurt you. You are much more than this.
 
Passionflower

Passionflower

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2011
Messages
2,142
Location
UK
I don't think any of us can say who should or shouldn't be upset in this case as we only have one side of the story.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
V Not BPD related but my best friend was PTS today 💔 Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
EarthChild Felt suicide was best solution but... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
Z Which medication is best for BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 15
Z Best Wishes Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
W We are all trying our best! Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
wraziel My friend left me and blocked me Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
A Friend or more Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 26
D Cant keep a friend Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
S Fear my boyfriend and friend are up to something, am I just paranoid? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 42
M My friend needs help. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
B Try to reach out to my friend or not Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
C My friend needs me, but I don't know if I am strong enough Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
N Friend chooses when i can exist in her life Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
wraziel Death of my internet friend breaks me AF, my heart, mind everything Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
S Conflict with friend - looking for advice Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
wraziel A friend from internet died Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
Fairy Lucretia meeting old school friend x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
S Nobody Wants to be Your Friend (VENT) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
Fairy Lucretia really bad day Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
T Bpd outburst last night really bad and now I feel terrible Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 26
I I really need someone to calm me down. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
P Was she really BPD ? or narcissist ? (long painful story) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
M Relationships when you have borderline personality disorder. Are you really polyamorous/ENM or is it just the borderline personality disorder? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
Fairy Lucretia really worried Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
D Feeling like no one really cares Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
Halle29 Really struggling (also confused about diagnosis) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
M I really had no idea Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
Fairy Lucretia im trying really hard x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
M She’s really gone..... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
L Really struggling at the moment Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 19
Fairy Lucretia really ,im lucky x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
B really struggling at min and my sleep shows it Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
S Really struggling - want to disappear Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
Fairy Lucretia feeling really low again x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 12
C A bit of my story (it really is the short version) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
Fairy Lucretia feeling really low x Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
D I haven't slept all night and I feel really anxious, is anyone there? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7

Similar threads

Top