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My abusive brother and the family that enabled him.

J

jamraspberry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2020
Messages
230
Location
World
@Novemberdog Aww, I wish I could give you a 'like' (y) and a 'hug' :hug: !

I need to keep up with my meditation routine as well, I do deep slow breathing techniques, it helps. I spoke to my doctor about the abuse I'm going through. I have always suffered anxiety problems so abuse just makes my anxiety worse. This forum is so helpful for helping me understand what I can do to calm my anxiety. It is people like you @Novemberdog and many other forum members that keep me strong everyday and I could not have made any progress without you all. Thank you.
 
B

BrokenMirror360

Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
8
Location
United States
I'm sorry to hear about your past. I love how intelligent you are and how articulate you are with sharing your story. I decided, as a sort of spur of the moment thing, to click on a random conversation in the forum and it just so happens that I clicked your story.

As it also happens, I can actually empathize with a lot of what you've gone through and I too am sort of an aspiring author. If it's alright with you, I would like to contact you from time to time about some of the stuff I've gone through or maybe just share creative story ideas.

Whenever you're feeling alone, scared or upset, just remember: You're stronger than you know. Especially when you think of all the other people in the world who are suffering and realize that you're not really alone. When it comes to suffering, you're never really alone. I like to think of all of us as a family of sufferers. We're not alone as long as we have each other. As they say, there's strength in numbers.

@Novemberdog
 
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Novemberdog

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2020
Messages
20
Location
USA
I'm sorry to hear about your past. I love how intelligent you are and how articulate you are with sharing your story. I decided, as a sort of spur of the moment thing, to click on a random conversation in the forum and it just so happens that I clicked your story.

As it also happens, I can actually empathize with a lot of what you've gone through and I too am sort of an aspiring author. If it's alright with you, I would like to contact you from time to time about some of the stuff I've gone through or maybe just share creative story ideas.

Whenever you're feeling alone, scared or upset, just remember: You're stronger than you know. Especially when you think of all the other people in the world who are suffering and realize that you're not really alone. When it comes to suffering, you're never really alone. I like to think of all of us as a family of sufferers. We're not alone as long as we have each other. As they say, there's strength in numbers.

@Novemberdog
Sure you can contact me! Thank you for the support. It really means a lot that so many amazing people took the time to reach out on here!
 
Debo

Debo

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
24
Location
Minnesota
"I should have thrown you down the stairs years ago you little s***."

This was the message I received from my older brother today.

You might ask; what did I say to make him so angry? I said Boris Johnson has not done a good enough job to contain this virus and disagreed that "Boris Johnson is the only politician who can get us through this."

This was an argument on a group whatsapp thread with my family (I live abroad so it was one of the ways we kept in touch with each other).

It's important to understand that this is the norm for my brother when I disagree with him. If we are in the same room he physically attacks, along with swearing and insults about my intelligence and he doesn't care that my family are there to witness it because they do nothing to stop it.

I am afraid to ever return home to see my parents for fear that he will try to kill me to hide the worst of the abuse he inflicted upon me as a child, the worst being the sexual abuse when he became a teenager.

A few years ago, I made my peace and forgave my parents for the ways they failed me and made a point to find the areas of life that they didn't fail me in. It is so much harder for me to forgive them for how my brother turned out and I don't really know how much of that I can put on them other than to say, that they should have waited a few years before having me, so my brother could finish his formative years and not be stuck where he is with the emotional capacity of a toddler.

Deep down I don't want to blame anyone for who they are, as not a single one of us signed up to be here and none of us have any control over the circumstances to which we are born into.

That being said; I am really struggling not to hate my brother for who he is and to not be angry with my parents/grandparent for their part in how he has turned out.

Ever since I was a child I've been a polymath and I like to talk about everything. My parents didn't support me in getting an education so I did that for myself and feel I have had to be mother and father to myself since a very young age. My mother has bipolar, my sister self harms, my dad belittled and insulted us growing up calling me stupid, weak and asking why I couldn't just think logically about things. I've since been in actual logic classes and read many books on the subject, (Cohen being my favourite) so as an adult it is evident to me that what my dad calls logic is not real logic at all and he only pulls it out when you disagree with him. Not when you are actually being illogical. Most dads would be proud to have a son who at 8 years old was talking about the sort of things I talked about, but my dad just saw me as an opponent to crush and exercise authority over and my brother copied that and it has reached the point where I feel like if I said something as simple as, 10 plus 10 equals 20, they would start to doubt that because I'm the one that said it. I've even witnessed it first hand where my dad or brother will agree with something I've said to them once but only because it was coming from someone else.

I'm really sorry that this is so long, but I need to vent. I am at my wits end and I'm afraid that I will probably never have the kind of familial support that many of my closest friends have had and take for granted.

Having to call the police on a parent for attacking you months after an extremely late Aspergers diagnosis is not something any child should have to do, but I've done it.

They treat me like I'm evil and that they are protecting the world from me, when all I want to do is be my pacifist self and contribute what I can to our collective moral progress through my work in ethics and metaethics, so that I can feel like I've done what I can, in the field where I can do my best, to make sure that fewer people have a childhood like mine or the ones far worse than mine.

I'll end on this: to anyone who feels like there must be something wrong with them to deserve the kind of treatment I've described from your family, the only thing wrong with you right now, is that you believe that.
You are not to blame and it wasn't your fault. No excuse is good enough for abuse. Remember that please and know that there is someone out there who loves you, will fight for you, will give their life for you and would jump into any fire to save you from it, if given the chance. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need someone to listen and empathise with you about absolutely anything. I won't give unsolicited advice, I'll just listen.
Sounds like we have a lot in common and many of the same issues. My brother is a sociopath with NPD, mom has NPD, dad in denial and all are alcoholics. I feel like an orphan and the things they have said and done to me are hard for even me to believe and understand. If I try and talk about it even I think I sound like the crazy liar they claim I am. Despite knowing who they are I keep hurting myself reaching out to them for support and understanding. Not at all bright, I know this, but I can’t seem to get past the idea that they will never be there for me.
 
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