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My 17 year old daughter doesn’t love me.

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Lulu17

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
2
Hi there, I’m desperately in need for someone to tell me if they’re experiencing something similar. I’ve been diagnosed bipolar for 20 years. I have a 17 year old girl. Her father was extremely abusive to me for so many years but I was so scared of him taking my daughter away from me because of my legal status back then. Basically my ex husband disrespected me and control me so much. 6 years ago I decided to leave him because I couldn’t take it no more, I’ve asked my daughter to come with me but she chose dad instead. At home I only could do what my ex wanted, he even controlled the way I was raising my daughter. I always stayed home, I was a PTA mom, taking her to the park, I cooked, cleaned up, etc. No drugs or bad example for my daughter. But daughter is emotionally detached from me, she has even tried to hit me. She’s brainwashed, she’s all I have, the person that I love the most. Should I give up?? Should I continue trying to gain her love??? The only times the reaches out to me is because she wants something. I knew in my heart that my ex was trying and still does make feel that he’s the only parent, that I have no right over her because I’m not mentally stable. I’m heartbroken. Today I’m a citizen I’m not fearful of him taking her physically away from me but all these years he was able to brainwash her. I apologize for my grammar ( English is my second language) thanks. God bless you all.
 
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lowinmood

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2015
Messages
123
Never ever give up - keep trying to show her you love her, but obviously not tolerate her trying to hit you if she does that again.

I didn't like my mum when I was that age, in fact I hated her. And we have been arguing for the next 20 years after that. But she kept trying to show she loves me. When I got counselling it made me realise that she actually did love me and now we are like best friends. I'm the closest to her now than my brothers are. We've got a different type of bond to what my brothers have, it's more of an emotional bond. And she confides in me and talks about a range of stuff to me, whereas with my brothers it's pretty much 'how are you, how's work.'

Now I spend more time with her and speak to her more than my brothers do.

So I suggest, never walk away, and no matter how hard it gets just keep trying to let her know that you do love her. She might not recognise how much you love her for years, but even though I rejected my mum and even hated her for many years, if she gave up on me it would have killed me.
 
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Lulu17

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
2
Never ever give up - keep trying to show her you love her, but obviously not tolerate her trying to hit you if she does that again.

I didn't like my mum when I was that age, in fact I hated her. And we have been arguing for the next 20 years after that. But she kept trying to show she loves me. When I got counselling it made me realise that she actually did love me and now we are like best friends. I'm the closest to her now than my brothers are. We've got a different type of bond to what my brothers have, it's more of an emotional bond. And she confides in me and talks about a range of stuff to me, whereas with my brothers it's pretty much 'how are you, how's work.'

Now I spend more time with her and speak to her more than my brothers do.

So I suggest, never walk away, and no matter how hard it gets just keep trying to let her know that you do love her. She might not recognise how much you love her for years, but even though I rejected my mum and even hated her for many years, if she gave up on me it would have killed me.
Thank you so much for your advice.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
I have a similar situation advanced several years.

After being used and thrown away so many time for so many years, I finally set some hard line boundaries.

I have done my best and I am done.

It's on her and I expect nothing.

Consequences and boundaries are the best things I can teach her now.
 
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lowinmood

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2015
Messages
123
and in my extended family, I have an auntie and when my cousin got married his wife has tried to cut her off so she cannot contact him or see his children grow up, but she still persists in showing her love to him when he does finally make contact (when his wife is out) and nowadays his wife has started to soften and he's seeing her a little bit more often, but still not that often. However, if she cut off contact with him that opportunity would never had a chance to arise. It's hurt her terribly and she had to have counselling and stuff, turns out his wife is very controlling and narcissistic too. He's probably a victim of her and in a powerless position. He can't walk away from her as she's threatened that he will never see his kids again.

But my auntie continues to show him that she loves him, and she'll always be there for him. The rest of my family have cut him off over the way he's treated her over the years but she hasn't and I think that's important.
 
garbageg4

garbageg4

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Apr 27, 2014
Messages
158
All of my kids but one hate me they told me they never want to see me again they don't want me in there lives at all forever that all I have ever done is ruin theirs from the get go and that I'm not their father. They don't live with me I have no control. I'm hated at work as well and my wife is not the happiest about me either. I'm just alone no one likes me no one wants me.
 
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