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My 15 year old son will not go to school

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Jules5

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My son will not go to school and when I take away his privileges he will start to go and then call me from the nurses office to come get him. I took him to the doctor and we are having all kinds of test run on him but he tried to get off the bus today to come home walk home. The bus driver would not let him. I am at a total loss on what to do. Like I told the doctor I think it is all in his head BUT either way there is something wrong. I have severe mental health issues and maybe it is wearing off on him. I told the doctor. The doctor says he wants to ran test and then have him go to a Specialist. I am like he may be faking all this to get out of doing homework. A mothers intuition is usually right. But I will go through the process so I will not get arrested for not Having him in school. Mental health definitely effects our children Wow what a bummer.
 
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Ramson mash

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My son will not go to school and when I take away his privileges he will start to go and then call me from the nurses office to come get him. I took him to the doctor and we are having all kinds of test run on him but he tried to get off the bus today to come home walk home. The bus driver would not let him. I am at a total loss on what to do. Like I told the doctor I think it is all in his head BUT either way there is something wrong. I have severe mental health issues and maybe it is wearing off on him. I told the doctor. The doctor says he wants to ran test and then have him go to a Specialist. I am like he may be faking all this to get out of doing homework. A mothers intuition is usually right. But I will go through the process so I will not get arrested for not Having him in school. Mental health definitely effects our children Wow what a bummer.
Jules, I remember how hard it was at that age, i never had anyone recognising my struggles. They always assumed i was faking it, lazy because i couldnt do homework.

I went my own way regardless. Kicked out of school, no qualifications, taking drugs. It's really tough and i sympathise with parents. You feel the same pain. I understand also how hard it must be to get him to talk with you. But i think its not his fault, its the whole education system that does not cater to his needs. Its just not designed for us.
 
toutatis

toutatis

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Wow, I'm sorry for both you and your sons struggles, @Jules5. Sending you guys a hug.

I'm just wondering. When you ask him why he doesn't like to be at school Jules5, what does he say?
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

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I know how hard that is. My son was out of school for almost 2 years. He couldn't handle mainstream school. Everyone thought he was just defiant and disruptive.
He was too proud to admit that he struggled and when asked why he didnt want to go to school he would just say "because I dont want to so I wont".
He has flourished and back to loving school since he was put in a more specialised school.

What has changed since his views on going to school have changed?
For my son it was changing teachers and classrooms regularly.
 
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Jules5

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Jules, I remember how hard it was at that age, i never had anyone recognising my struggles. They always assumed i was faking it, lazy because i couldnt do homework.

I went my own way regardless. Kicked out of school, no qualifications, taking drugs. It's really tough and i sympathise with parents. You feel the same pain. I understand also how hard it must be to get him to talk with you. But i think its not his fault, its the whole education system that does not cater to his needs. Its just not designed for us.
How are you doing now? I sure hope good you have great insight to how I am feeling and How my son is feeling. I have always had a problem with him and his homework. I use to find the assignments hidden in the bushes below are apartment. I am a single mom. I remember he was a a recreation center for after school care and they had a homework period . His instructors at the center told me they have never in the 4 years my son went there seen him do homework. I have no clue what to do. Today he is at school but he texted me saying "I am screwed" So at least he still in school today. No he does not talk to me. I bet he would talk to you. Love and hugs Jules
 
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Jules5

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How are you doing now? I sure hope good you have great insight to how I am feeling and How my son is feeling. I have always had a problem with him and his homework. I use to find the assignments hidden in the bushes below are apartment. I am a single mom. I remember he was a a recreation center for after school care and they had a homework period . His instructors at the center told me they have never in the 4 years my son went there seen him do homework. I have no clue what to do. Today he is at school but he texted me saying "I am screwed" So at least he still in school today. No he does not talk to me. I bet he would talk to you. Love and hugs Jules
What would you tell him Ramson Mash. Heck I am so desperate I would beg you to talk to him. My son has a nervous stomach and he feels the need to go to the bathroom all the time and they will not let you do this at school. So my son might quit because he has no bathroom privileges. Thank you for responding you really made me feel better looking at your perspective. Love and hug Jules.
 
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Jules5

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I know how hard that is. My son was out of school for almost 2 years. He couldn't handle mainstream school. Everyone thought he was just defiant and disruptive.
He was too proud to admit that he struggled and when asked why he didnt want to go to school he would just say "because I dont want to so I wont".
He has flourished and back to loving school since he was put in a more specialised school.

What has changed since his views on going to school have changed?
For my son it was changing teachers and classrooms regularly.
My son went from a school of 73 people to one with over 2000 kids. And it is his first year of high school. I would like private school better but nothing available here, outside of a huge Catholic School with 3000 students- most rich and I'am poor. so I do not think this would be a good fit for him. Love and hugs Jules
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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I refused to go to school as a teenager I was very depressed and had the most awful social anxiety
eventually I went to a much smaller specialised school ,I still found it difficult but coped better there than at mainstream
there is usually an underlying reason children refuse school ,not just because they are lazy or don't want to
for some it can be bullying or like me their mental health
whatever your sons reason I hope it gets sorted soon for both of you
love Lu xxx
 
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Jules5

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Wow, I'm sorry for both you and your sons struggles, @Jules5. Sending you guys a hug.

I'm just wondering. When you ask him why he doesn't like to be at school Jules5, what does he say?
He has to go to the bathroom and they will not let him as often as he wants to go. I am thinking it is all about the homework and he does not want grief from the teachers for not doing it. He has never done homework and he is in the 9th grade. He has been just slipping through the cracks. High school is different for him expectations are higher and homework is the culprit right now. I feel sense I am always a nervous wreck that it is my fault. My mental illness is pretty severe and I am not a good person when it comes to anger. He sees this behavior of mine. So sad that mental illness does really affect all around us. Love and hugs Jules
 
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Jules5

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I refused to go to school as a teenager I was very depressed and had the most awful social anxiety
eventually I went to a much smaller specialised school ,I still found it difficult but coped better there than at mainstream
there is usually an underlying reason children refuse school ,not just because they are lazy or don't want to
for some it can be bullying or like me their mental health
whatever your sons reason I hope it gets sorted soon for both of you
love Lu xxx
Thank you Lu. I have a son who grew up with his moms severe mental illness. He tried to commit suicide 2 years ago. I had him put in a mental health institution. I found him seriously trying to harm himself. He was being bullied at school and just never talked to me about it-as he knows I would have went crazy trying to resolve the matter especially since I believe bullying is the parents fault. Love and hugs Lu Jules
 
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Ramson mash

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Hi Jules, im doing ok right now, back into my routine thanks to yours and everyones sound advice. Thank you for your care and support its much appreciated. :hug:

Its a tough one trying to understand a boys perspective but my schoollife, adhd and the impossible task of learning, stays in my mind.
Its extremely frustrating. I would make noises of agony while my brain tried to focus and concentrate. My peers lost respect for me. A girl i fancied said she thought i was the nicest boy in our class the first day she met me. But after getting to know me she said she had no respect for someone who cant take their studies seriously. Me being in class was also a detriment to other kids who i would distract.

What i needed was a change of perspective, a fresh start, maybe new friends. When a kid is placed in an institution (school), We kind of expect them to be in good hands. But that is not always the case. It can be torture, bullying, physical and mental abuse unsupervised.

My biggest mistake was feeling like i had no options or i would just ride it out.
He is at a very crucial stage of his life but added pressure and getting him to talk about his feelings will not work. He needs a direction which will boost his confidence and hopefully change his life.
He can be whatever he wants to be, but he needs to believe in himself and believe that he has a place in this world. My school stripped me of my self esteem, but i gained it back in the silence on my own.
I started boxing with gypsies at the leisure centre (they were a tough bunch)
But i gained back the respect i lost for myself gradually. I felt like i was in control of something productive and was building on something. This feeling i had never experienced in school.

Im not sure what will work for your son Jules. I just want him to remember that he can do anything. He just needs to believe in himself and needs some direction to start with.
Reading this back jules, i must admit that i sound preaching or anecdotal. Comparing my 15 year old stuggles to the complexity of what your boy is going through, but i can relate. Please try and keep him off recreational drugs as ths might deter his longterm ambition and ability to make goals.
I hope you make some progress and see some positive outcomes. I really do sympathise with your situation. Hopefully your son can learn from my mistakes and in that respect i am more than happy to help. Please let us know how he is gettting on.Much love, respect and hugs, Ramson
 
toutatis

toutatis

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I see @Jules5, yes homework. The dreaded homework. I used to sneak off to the toilet and avoid school quite a bit too, as a kid. But obviously difficult times for a parent. I'm not a parent so I don't know those particular challenges first hand, but I can imagine what it might be like, I suppose.

Yes, anger. That's one thing I do know about. I get triggered almost daily - she's a difficult emotion to reign in, to control, at times.

Don't blame yourself, please Jules5. The love is there and that's the main thing. When I was a kid, the love was the main thing.

Obviously keep using the tools we learn for coping with emotions, keep reaching out too, and everything will be okay. Your son might be trying to avoid his homework but, hey, he's 15. Quite ordinary at that age from what I can tell. Nurture your spirit and your heart too, please. Set aside blame and just keep moving forward, thanks. That's the key, I believe.

Peace and love for you, Jules5!
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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I knew someone who had an undiagnosed learning disorder. He was treated like a slacker by his teachers and bullied by his classmates. He dropped out and years later he was diagnosed with a learning disorder (sorry forgot what it was) and was really upset no one saw the signs.

His opinion was that because he was a boy he was considered a trouble maker and no one tried to help him. He said when he would make mistakes or couldn't do something his teachers thought he was being a clown. He felt if a girl made the same actions she would have been helped but boys are punished.

I am not saying this is your son's situation also but the total avoidance of homework could be a clue.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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Also I was sexually assaulted when I was 15. My mom was mean and she said I should not have been at the party I was at and wouldn't get me medical care or call the police. I dropped out of 9th grade because I didn't want to see my attacker at school every day or the others at the party who didn't help me or stop the attack. Another reason I dropped out was because I did not feel I had a future anyway and fell into depression, PTSD, and agoraphobia.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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I thought about my past post and I didn't mean to scare you or put a worst case scenario. I will say not wanting to go to school is a symptom and there is an underlying cause in there.

You are not at fault Jules and you shouldn't blame yourself. Therapy would be good for him where they will teach him coping techniques and how to deal with anger and all of his feelings.
 
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