- Aug 2, 2018
What are your experiences with music and mood? Does anything help? Does anything harm?
Mixed state depressionI'm in a dark place and I feel there is no escape from it. I listen to the most depressing and dark music I can find. In some cases there might be a music video surrounding the themes of death, agony, and suicide. I watch a video of a girl ugly crying in black and white, her face contorted...cathartic, relatable. The march of a mental funeral begins, in which every thought confirms the inherent evil, inevitability, and eternality of existence. I find depictions of death and despair do something, but they also fuel the need for more. Hours go by in a depressive trance as I mindlessly stare or browse.
No DepressionAt first I feel still and dead inside, then I feel a small flame. It grows into a hysterical or manic mixture of anger and sadness. My thoughts steer toward the unspeakable...images and sounds imagined of inflicting despair and suffering. I no longer seem to be recognizable to myself, and I am wide-eyed and full of tears. I desire music expressing uncontrolled anger. My heart feels like a sledgehammer in my chest. After a few hours I slowly transition to a state of exhaustion, until I no longer understand what I am doing or why. I go to sleep once I'm drained of all emotion.
I'm also interested in hearing what music other people find themselves drawn to during different moods.I might feel tired but alert as I wake up from a bad dream about the past. Today I feel vitality to stand up to such obstacles. I enjoy almost all music, but especially music of a passionate and dramatic nature. I feel "strapped" to the music's notes, and each note pierces into me a mixture of positive and neutral emotions. I think about the sun. I am no longer afraid of thoughts of the potential eternality of mental experiences.