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Munchausen’s syndrome ??? I need to help my mum

C

Casswana

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Feb 24, 2021
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Hi all I’m new here but I felt was a good place to try get some advice from people who don’t have an emotional attachment.

I think my mother had Munchausen’s syndrome and some sort of disorder that causes her to lie a lot.

During Covid she’s got worse and it’s all we hear about . It’s putting a real strain on myself and her older grandchildren .

we’ve suspected she’s not completely honest about several medical problems she claims to have . She’s claimed to have cancer of the vulva which was just cut away and since she’s told another family member it was just a cyst . She’s had a brain tumor for the last 10 years yet claims to need no treatment to my niece but takes tablets in front of me and acts drowsy on them . She makes a song a dance about her medication in front of people so I looked at what she had and mostly were things like aspirin anti depressants and sleeping tablets and vitamins . Some things I didn’t know what were but she will make a point of how much medication she’s on .

she had a lung cancer scare last year and has now said she’s actually got COPD yet I have never seen her with any inhalers or form of treatment.
I’m just so confused and feel like things don’t add up .

like I say since Covid she’s got worse . She seems to be getting a high out of it and is even making up her own guidelines . She made my niece wear a mask in the car for 4 hours with her claiming same households have to wear masks in the car . We’ve all tried to tell her and she doesn’t listen . She’s drove from Essex to be in a childcare bubble with me as I’m due to give birth any day and she’s making everyone self isolate for ten days before seeing her because she’s drove from Essex to brum claiming it’s the rules if you have came from one district to another so I checked and challenged her and she then said the person who gave her herCovid vaccine said we all have to because she’s had the vaccine .
She’s adamant my partner isn’t aloud at the birth claiming that in London dads aren’t allowed at the birth . Apparently every place has different rules and we are just at the end of our teathers and want to intervene. She’s so negative all the time . My mother in law lives opposite me and she’s been my support bubble since day one and she’s trying to ban her from seeing the baby till she’s gone home . We’ve pretty much been a same household during each lockdown with my mother in law and she’s been my rock and apparently she’s saying really horrible things about her and showing a lot of jealousy that she’s gonna be so close to my baby . Yet my mum was the one who decided to move away .

what do I do ? I want to tell her how concerned I am . But while I’m making that decision she’s loosing everyone because if the behaviour . Any advice appreciated many thanks xx
 
J

JeanPierre

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This must be incredibly draining for you. She is selfish.
Will she see a doctor for what sounds like health anxiety?
An anxiety disorder? Of course I'm not a doctor and we do not diagnose.
Someone else will have better advice.
Welcome here!
 
C

Casswana

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Uk
Thankyou for your response , she doesn’t seem anxious about being ill it’s like she wants to be ill . She also lied about having Covid . If it’s on the table she’s had it . Or got it , or being tested for it . She uses a walking stick for absaloutly no reason . Or can health anxiety manifest itself that way also ? Very confusing .
 
J

JeanPierre

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Some people do like being ill.
I believe she needs to see a doctor or therapist.
I'm sure she can be helped, if she wants.
Best luck with your new baby and if you want your partner, have him
with you. ✌
 
T

Twinkle Toes

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For Munchausens it seems to be about medical attention (frequent visits to hospitals, doctors, A & E) and people tend to actually put themselvs through unncessary surgery, so if she actually had her vulva removed even though there was no actual cancer there then that might point to Munchausens.

On the other hand we all know how long the waiting lists are for operations these days and she could be taking advantage of the fact that she could get away with the lies in which case it would be Malingering, especially if she is claiming benefits for all these things she's telling you she has.

Look up 'Factitious Disorders' I think Munchausens is on the severe end of the scale. Has she put herself through chemo and stuff for this brain tumour?... or just done stuff like shaved her head/deliberately lost a lot of weight to make other people think she's been having it?...I think things like this would be the defining factor in diagnosis.

Either way, with you so far away it will be difficult to prove. Personally I wouldn't be leaving her alone with any baby of mine if I even suspected Munchausens as there's also a 'Munchausen's by Proxy' (where they focus on making someone else ill other than themselves most often a child).

on the other hand maybe its just exaggerated for your attention specifically? if you hadn't had kids when she moved away and she didn't relaise you were going to then suddenly you're having a baby and the mother in law is only over the road and going to get to see the baby alot more??
Did the MIL move closer AFTER your mother had moved away??
 
C

Casswana

New member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Uk
For Munchausens it seems to be about medical attention (frequent visits to hospitals, doctors, A & E) and people tend to actually put themselvs through unncessary surgery, so if she actually had her vulva removed even though there was no actual cancer there then that might point to Munchausens.

On the other hand we all know how long the waiting lists are for operations these days and she could be taking advantage of the fact that she could get away with the lies in which case it would be Malingering, especially if she is claiming benefits for all these things she's telling you she has.

Look up 'Factitious Disorders' I think Munchausens is on the severe end of the scale. Has she put herself through chemo and stuff for this brain tumour?... or just done stuff like shaved her head/deliberately lost a lot of weight to make other people think she's been having it?...I think things like this would be the defining factor in diagnosis.

Either way, with you so far away it will be difficult to prove. Personally I wouldn't be leaving her alone with any baby of mine if I even suspected Munchausens as there's also a 'Munchausen's by Proxy' (where they focus on making someone else ill other than themselves most often a child).

on the other hand maybe its just exaggerated for your attention specifically? if you hadn't had kids when she moved away and she didn't relaise you were going to then suddenly you're having a baby and the mother in law is only over the road and going to get to see the baby alot more??
Did the MIL move closer AFTER your mother had moved away??
Thankyou for your reply

she doesn’t seem to havehad any treatment for the brain tumor she says it’s benign and so she doesn’t have cancer but it causes her to have fits which I’ve seen a few times . I’ve noticed the last couple of days when she goes outside with her walking stick she will literally start limping although she’s okay to run about the house insisting on cleaning everything . I don’t think she’s had many surgeries and she won’t allow anyone to come to her appointments .
I’m starting to think she is a pathological liar , yesterday was exhausting as she just told lie after lie after lie . She claimed to be the only woman in the world to receive a certain army award even tho I know she was only in the TA a few months . Claims I was born in a lift even tho I wasn’t . I could go on forever . The stories always portray her to be the victim or the hero there is no inbetween. She does claim for being disabled but still complains she should get more . My mother in law is disabled and gets a disability and my mum was actually sat looking over the road at her beautiful house asking me if she got it I said think so with her being disabled . She proceeded to say how unfair and disgusting it was because my father in law is quite wealthy and she shouldn’t get anything when they live in a house like that . She’s just very bitter !
My mum moved away 10 years ago ! My mil moved to this street 9 years ago when I did we literally moved to the same street the same month but I’ve only known her for 3 years so she’s always been my neibour . I didn’t exactly plan on having a baby with the neibours son but that’s how it planned out !
She caught my son mixing with some friends last week and threatened to leave if he didn’t stay somewhere else . He went to stay at a friends saying he’d had enough he’s 18 ! Two nights later we found out he’d slept in his mates shed . He snuck in the house for the loo at 6am and my mum found him and he admitted he’d been on the streets . So she gave him a sleeping bag a brew and sent him back out in the cold . When I woke up and found out I was fuming . That’s how wrapped up in Covid she is she actually was happy for my child to sleep on the streets because he’d been in contact with others . I snapped and said to her I’d rather get Covid than see any of my kids on the streets I got him a fast track test that morning and made him come home . The rest of the family were livid to her and we have told her she’s going to far ! We’re all just at a loss of what to do with her atm xxx
 
T

Twinkle Toes

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Joined
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Messages
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somewhere out there
Sounds a frustrating situation. re outdoors limping... it is possble she finds it harder to walk on uneven surfaces. I use crutches myself sometimes when my knees are bad (haave arthritis in mine) and I do struggle in the garden where its more uneven than in the house where everything is level and I can use rollator easier. For me its more to do with keeping my balance where there's dips, slopes or kerbs. so it would depend on why she uses the stick.
 

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