Mum wont come to my wedding!!!

[starlitskie]

My Mum has had bi polar since I was a baby. I am now 21 (going on 22) and during my life Mum has been admitted to hospital 4 times. Usually this is because she thinks she doesn't need the pills anymore. She has never been sick apart from those times however her experiences stick with her. She was good for 10 years then since she's been with her new partner she was so happy she thought she didnt need pills. He monitored her going off them but by the time he told her to go back on them she wouldnt and turned on him. We put her in hospital last year and i felt like i did so much of the work.... he didnt tell us she was 'crazy' and had been having insomnia for a week until the day before she had the police escort him out of the house. it was us that contacted him.

Now this time shes not coming to my wedding because church is evil, but she believes in jesus (who she thought was the devil for 20 years and now suddenly she believes) but she doesnt believe in the bible or religion or christianity. she wont step into a church, theres no logic in it except some thoughts that dont make sense. she will come to get photos after and go to the reception... but i want my mum at my wedding. i tried to reason with her and it just turned into an argument and she told me off for calling the hospital just to see what they could do for her (while it was at an early stage) she thinks i shouldnt of yet she was at the stage of trying to change her first name from Rose to Arabella.

 

[starlitskie]

I just want my Mum to be there -- watch me walk down the aisle and get all teary or whatever it is that she would feel...that mothers feel. First she didnt want to go because of my Dad going (they are divorced since i was a baby too). This was when she was well. Then she got sick and decided she wasnt coming at all... and now she is.

It is stupid though!
She will go to the ceremony if its outdoors with the same pastor.

But she will be going to a different church later for the reception. It's still a church... I just do not understand!



And at this stage its a couple of weeks till the wedding. i cant change the venue at such short notice and to be honest im not turning the whole thing around for her when she will probably be so sick that she will do something else to ruin it for me.

 

[gingerbear]

Just from a personal experience, my sister got married back in febuary ( we also have a mentally ill mother ) mum critisised absoloutly everything about the wedding, grudgingly came along and didnt have a good time. months later she told my sister about how little she enjoyed it wich still upsets her to this day. Im not sure what would of hurt more, mum not turning up or mum saying how bad it was. Like you have said you cant go changing the venue at such short notice and I imagine the next few days are going to be busy to say the least and obviously you want your mum there! I guess all I can really offer you advice wise is just try to make sure you have the best day of your life with or without her there (easier said than done im sure) youve got enough to worry about as it is with the big day fast approaching, is there any close friends or family of your mums that you could ask to talk to her?

I hope this helped a little

 

[DiagnosisBipolar2]

Could you not arrange an alternative to a church when you know she has these issues; regiser office/ outside wedding etc?

Otherwise you may just have to be content with her at the reception.

 

[SimonB]

Hi

She clearly isn't rationalising this one well. I like gingerbear's response, it may be best she stays away from church rather than you regret it forever.

I know its naff but thats the nature of Bipolar 2, my work colleague is also bipolar 2 and can be hard work with similar problems.

Simon

 

[DiagnosisBipolar2]

I know its naff but thats the nature of Bipolar 2, my work colleague is also bipolar 2 and can be hard work with similar problems.

Simon

That seems a rather strange generalisation for a healthcare professional to make?

 

[SimonB]

I suppose it is ...hadn't thought in that respect.

 

[maudikie]

To starlitskie

It's hard for youthat your mum won't come to your wedding, but if it is going to upset her I should ry to accept ti. it is good that she has agreed to come to the reception, so try to come to term with that. It woudl probably upset her more if you insisted on her going to church, and that would spoil your big day.
I do hope you will be very happy with your husband to be, and that you wil have a happy life together.

All best wishes and congratulations.