• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Mum has lost confidence, how to help her help herself??

K

KitKat

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1
At the moment I am living back at home with my parents, I am 24 and because I have done quite a lot of travelling since university I haven’t had the cash or the stable job to move out.

My mum has manic depression; however she has been free from any major episodes for at least two or so years. Mum is constantly worried and anxious though. I will finish work and be a little late coming home and Mum will be half way to the bus stop looking for me! When ever I call her she will answer as though she is expecting the worst and I’m in a gutter somewhere.

I feel that she has lost so much confidence with her life. She has a responsible job as a manager of an old peoples day centre, however she has no hobbies or any 'things' to enjoy so to keep her mind active and not worry so much.

My dad and I have made suggestions to her so many times to have ago at new activities and not to be scared. we are always there for her and try and support her. I have suggested to go and see a counsellor once a week, or go to a group but she won't?! She seems to give up so easily and I can't see her ever changing, which upsets me greatly.

I feel like I just can't be bother anymore with her, I am frustrated and pulling my hair out :cry:
We do get on really well and I think that because we are so close, we arguing so much. I just feel that she has let me down, and she just won’t give anything ago.

Dad says to me just to let her be and said that he feels the same but you can’t change people, which of course is true. Am I not being understanding? I just want to help her!

I just want mum have the confidence challenge and help herself?? Any thoughts, please help?!?
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi KitKat

I'm sorry you are so upset about your mums predicament.
I do not suffer with bipolar but I do have depressive episodes where I have lacked the motivation to do any activities outside of work and everything seems negative and bleak.
I can only make a few suggestions but as everyone is different I can't say that they will work for you mum.

First of all it helped me to think about why I didn't want to do something.
For example for me because my depression made it seem impossible to commit to anything that required my compulsary attendance every week it would prevent me from doing some activities because I didn't feel I could meet that requirement if I was having a bad day. So for me doing an activity I could dip in and out of was more appealing to me. Some people prefer having the commitment so your mum would have to think about what she wants from an activity and the barriers that may be preventing her undertaking them.

I guess for me what helped me get out and about more was when activities are suggested that they are specific. For example instead of my husband saying "why don't you start any activity?" which would only make it seem overwhelming because I had no idea what I wanted to do, he would have more success with me by saying something "like why don't you try a flower arranging class here in the paper on a wednesday evening?", or something similar. He made endless suggestions and one day, one particular activity appealed to me and I've been doing it ever since.

My husband would offer to go to the activity with me until I built up the confidence to go it alone and I had made some friends. This helped me alot.

I don't know if you have pets, but for me having a pet lifted my spirits and spurred on activities to do with the particular pet I had. If your mum is a pet lover there are many voluntary activities that require walkers or carers/assessors that can help people get out and about.

Maybe leave some college brochures out or read some of the courses out to your mum that you think might appeal to her.

Sometimes a recommendation from a friend can seem more appealing, plus it has the added advantage that she has a friend to go with her which can help alleviate some anxiety.

But ultimately it has to be your mums decision. She may find that managing an illness as well as working is enough for her at the moment and in my opinion you would just have to accept that.

With regards to negativity well it may be the nature of her illness or just her nature. Some of my family are very negative and they don't suffer with mental illness. They are not unhappy but just tend to look on the bleak side of things. For me when I was unwell and negative it would help me and lift my spirits if people were positive around me. In a way it was a breather from my negativity. But there is a fine line, sometimes if someone was overly-positive I found it annoying! I guess it helped if people did not get drawn into my negativity, they just respected what I said and offered an alternative point of few. But as I said everyone is different what works for some may not work for others.

If you find that ultimately she does not want to do anything you suggest, do keep on suggesting every now and then, one day a suggestion may click with her. But accept that in the meantime that you may not be able to change her, or the way she feels and try not to worry about it. She may be making a choice that she feels is beneficial to her, she may feel that doing an activity will upset a balance she has reached in life and in my opinion you would need to accept and respect that.

I hope that helps in some way.
 
Last edited:
M

maudikie

Guest
Maudikie.

It must be distressing for you. Is your mother on medication - make sure she is taking it. Try to get her to see her G.P. You could ask for ahome visit although I understandthe G.Ps don't do many of these. Write to her psychiatrist and keep a copy of the letter. It may be that she needs a change of medication.If she is working in an old peoples home it is very tiring, but she needs to be fit for the job.
They should have noticed at the Home that she is not too well. If nothing else works ask their advice.:):)
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
RainbowHeartz mum has a bunion People 3
RainbowHeartz worried mum has cancer People 6
Butterfly_girl Need help and support for my mum People 9
G My Mum doesn't take no for an answer and wont leave me alone! People 6
_8CHU i don't understand my mum People 2
vanish I miss my mum People 2
M Brother made mum with cancer feel suicidal People 9
T My mum overdosed today People 10
C My mum doesn't let me bath People 28
W Now and then I struggle with my mum's mental health People 3
S Mum's Partner People 1
faded64 Mum People 2
C Step mum/family issues/doctors People 4
I Uncomfortable With Partner's Inappropriate Comment To My Mum People 1
L Please help get my mum home. People 2
A Carers allowance claimed when Mum was not a carer People 3
L My mum People 1
P Mum mad at me for telling her I'm having attack People 1
E My mum & her husband People 1
E My mum People 4
Z Why does my mum act this way? People 2
E Sometimes my mum really does annoy me People 4
C Hard dealing with mum. People 3
R Help. My mum needs diagnosis People 1
SomersetScorpio Disillusionment - over-sharing Mum.. People 5
G Wanting to tell my mum about my health. but i have no idea how People 3
L My mum and her friend People 2
L My mum and my cousin People 1
L My aunt, my mum's friend and my dad People 11
L My mum is being very secretive People 1
Jelly Yelled at in Sainsbury, sworn at, by mum People 13
littlemissanxiety I feel so much hatred towards my mum. People 3
RainbowHeartz Mum wants to kill herself People 4
W Around my mum's and being ignored People 5
E worried mum People 4
P Don't know what to do about mum People 4
W Dad has cancer People 7
P A friend, I've not spoke to in years, has been diagnosed with non curable cancer.. Advice please People 4
R My life has proven yesterday to be a dead end and things will never get better, I can’t stand it. People 0
J Do you believe in the claim that everyone has good in them? People 6
L Need advise partner has anxiety, depression&paranoia People 2
J My girlfriend has Bdp People 16
Y Please help - boyfriend has depression People 3
G My girlfriend has been abused and mistreated in the past and no longer feels emotions People 1
F Friendship has become very stressful People 1
J My brother has issues...I have issues. People 4
SpiritHeart Family has brought me down... once again... People 2
K My boyfriend has depression People 1
A Husband has schizoaffective and I think it's starting to affect me People 1
A Has anyone dealt with infatuation like this? People 4

Similar threads

Top