I

itsmeagain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2010
Messages
578
Location
england
Go for it poppy2014.
Tremendous stuff that.
Well done, keep going, get stronger and stronger in yourself.
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
Wish me luck, I have my meeting with the Dean of another school to discuss my complaint tomorrow.
And I've busted my knee again, back in splints.
And I saw Eamonn on Monday and I'm wondering if it is going to be any use. We spent more of the time disussing stuff I'd done with Steve. He has given me an appointment for another months time, which he thinks is good because it will give me time to get to grips with everything that has happened rather than giving me any coping strategies, he thinks I should be able to do it by myself.
Help!!!!
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
That’s actually good news, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Given your history, if you showed signs of rolling backwards, they would increase the visits.

Whether you realize it or not, your resiliency has returned. That means you are equipped for tomorrow’s meeting!

Just tell the facts, avoid any emotional stuff; that will have greater impact with the Dean.
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
110
Hi

how did you get on?

x
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
Hey you, how did it go?
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
Hi
It went well, I think. He was really nice, asked me to tell him exactly what had happened, but did not interupt other than to ask for some points of clarification.

He asked me at the end if B had definitely not given me a reason, if he'd definitely made no approach to me, had there had ever been any concerns raised about my practice, if I'd ever had any compliments, either from staff or students. How my appraisals had gone.

I gave a copy of my last appraisal done 3 weeks ago, which said I was a valuable member of the team who worked above and beyond to ensure students received the best education. I gave him a copy of the nominations I received for lecturer of the year, for best supporting personal tutor and for outstanding achievement, going the extra mile in providing student support (which comes from our external partners). All 3 have come in the last week, I received 120 nominations through the 3 categories.

He then said he had enough information, my letter was extremely well written, and very clear, he told me he would be seeing B on either Friday or Monday, then would speak to P, C, and K.
I should have an answer by Easter (19th April).

Once the official bit had finished, and the note taker left, he said he knew how hard this must have been as he'd just helped his daughter do the same against her boss, so he was glad I'd taken time to think about it and seek advice from not just the union, but P, as P had a lot of experience and was not someone who gives out advice without considering the consequences.

So all in i was calm, considered, did not say anything that was not in the letter, no embellishments, no new information and when I left I felt I had been fairly listened to, didn't hang myself and i couldn't have been happier with how I felt.

Just have to wait now.
But whatever happens, I was able to tell my story in my words exactly how I wanted to say it.
And I don't think there is anything better than that.

Will let you know when I get the results xxx
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
I’m SO very proud of you!

It sounds like it went very well. Him telling you about his daughter and showing compassion was very telling. At the very least I suspect you’ve made a new friend. One who will look out for you, regardless of the outcome.

Xox
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
4,136
Location
Ireland
Hey Poppy

Wow you sure do have a lot going on - but I think you always do! You attract 'busy' I think which can be both good and bad as you know too well...

You know the way I always looked at a job interview (when I worked years ago) was this.... If you are completely honest during the interview - with the things you definitely DO know AND the things you DON'T know - And once you ask ANY questions you have - no matter whether they sound 'good or bad' Well then I believe that it is the responsibility of the interviewer to decide whether or not you can do the job and/or suitable for the job....

That way - you don't have anything to worry about if you get it. They know all your strengths (which you absolutely play up during the interview ) but also where you need training etc. That way - you can be sure that you ARE able for it and ARE the right person..... Tha's just my approach anyway and it never failed for me.

How are things going emotionally for you? I hope that you are holding things together because I know you are hard on yourself when you feel like you have reverted back to old habits..... Those habits are always so close though aren't they? They never seem to wander far and are all to eager to be part of our lives....

A short term therapist sounds like a really good idea if you could do that.... I know that (like me) you need to have the right feeling about the person though so I hope that works out for you....

Do keep us posted on how you're getting on....

I'll be thinking of you

:hug:
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
I did it.
I won, my grievance has been upheld.
He agreed on 4/5 points, but the one he disagreed with was only partially.
He will have to write a letter to colleagues explaining that i was not removed from my post because I did anything wrong,
It will go on his record that he has had a grievance against him upheld.
He has to explain his actions to me as he admitted it was his decision.
He was sanctioned for failing to follow due process after admitting it was the way i spoke in the meeting that angered him.
I lost out on a minor point as the role is not substantive (it is part of my workload) as head he can remove me from the role..... just not the way he did it.

I'm stunned.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,316
Location
basketville
hey that is good Poppy! takes a lot of metal and focus. the work place would be so much healthier if these little hitlers were taken to task. so you have more than likely made things better for other folk as well a double bonus.

he's on notice and will have to watch out i guess
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
This made my day.

I’m sitting here with the biggest smile on my face.

I’m so unbelievably proud and happy for you!

Better still, I know the dean will look out for you going forward.

Well done you for being so brave and following it through!!!!

Xox
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
They say after the high comes the fall.

The fall came.
But first the good news, my 15y autistic son, spent a week at uni doing a getting into higher education taster, he was the only one from his school chosen by the university to go, from 30 applications.
He went with 99 strangers, had no 1-1 support, no leave early pass, and travelled on school transport with 45 other kids.
Yesterday he "graduated" cap and gown, with a rising star award for his part in delivering a product their group had to design, plan, promote and pitch. He designed the programme and produced a 3D model of their concept.
Not bad for a kid who was expected to leave school with no qualifications and is now on target for 6 grade 4, 1grade 6, and 2 level 2 BTEC with distinctions.
(And a career in zooology)

4 hours i had out for the first time in 3 weeks. It cost me 16 hours of pain and medications i havent taken in months. Today i tried to go shopping. I pushed the trolley up 7 aisles, my daughter picked everything up. 2 hours, i had to call my husband to come and finish off, my knee wasn't holding, my back was in spasm, and i was starting to go blue because i couldn't breathe, the spasm takes my diaphragm. My daughter had to get my crutches i had to stand in the aisle, and then i cried all the way home.
Black thoughts, letters, and ways out are all cramming for dominance, while family, work and plain cussedness are fighting back.

I'm so tired. I'm not sure I'm made for living with this much pain.
But i live in hope that one day someone will find a way to make it go away without paying the ultimate price.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,316
Location
basketville
gosh what a mixed bag Poppy. really sorry reg the medication and pain part but what a star your son truly is
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
Well I've just coughed up to my PhD supervisor just how bad I am at the minute.
I promised her I'd tell her, she used to be my line manager, but I've changed line managers recently and don't feel like I can trust the new one as much.
Not sure how I feel but it's done.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
You’ve faced everything else honestly. I cannot imagine you not being up front with her as well.

Deep breath. You’ve been through a lot. But it was worth it. Now work on re-steadying.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,316
Location
basketville
takes time to adust in regards to new line manager but some people you just get a ...hopefully as time goes on you will trust her. better out than in ay
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
770
Location
depends on what time I post.
Week 1. EMDR... I don't like it.
It scared me, it made me feel

He asked questions about feelings. QUESTIONS and he expected me to be honest. NOT even a well just try, it was a YOU WILL BE HONEST, well not quite as shouty, but you get the feeling.

ME, HONEST, FEELINGS, 3 words I never thought would belong in a sentence written by me.

Also just to let you know
I HATE GREEN FLASHING LIGHTS
I hate that he can control how fast they go
I hate that he can control me even if it is just for 30 seconds.
And
I hate that I actually agreed to go back and put myself though this again, because even though this was only a baby try, just a quick 10 minutes of something that wasn't even a risky emotion. I realised that by the end of 10 minutes I went from being in the clouds, anxious and worried that I was doing it all wrong, because I felt like a nervous wreck when it started, to going to okay I can do this, you are okay, he'll keep you safe.

Now I'm sat here thinking shit if it was that intense for 1 10 minute simple practice, what the f**k are you going to be like after 45 minutes of it.

The sessions are 70 minutes long, 5 minutes to prep, 45 minutes therapy, 15 minutes to decompress and 5 minutes to settle before you leave and I'm not allowed to go to work after a session. Thankfully I'm having study days on Monday's otherwise I'd be in trouble.
Next session 14th June
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
Feeling safe is the most important. Go to a few more and see if you are getting anything out of it. Intense or not, only you can decide for you.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
M Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4

Similar threads


Top