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Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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Hi Shadow,

Definitely aiming for the work life balance, have put in a request to drop several modules next year to reduce my workload. It's just I have to get to September first.
Do have a bit of time off over the summer, 2 - 3 days a week from mid June which is looking like a Godsend right now
You are right though Shadow, my physical health has collapsed due to sheer exhaustion and 4 weeks of constant illness which has culminated in pneumonia hasn't helped one iota.
I spoke to S my boss the other day via email and just said I was overwhelmed but illness has contributed and now the worst of everything is over I'm already starting to relax.
I have spoken to a potential new line manager, I just have to see the head of school to make sure it happens. I need it to be someone I can trust not to talk or look at me sideways when all of this falls on her head.
I have talked to OH which is something and he is angry for me, I haven't got any spoons left for the emotion and tomorrow when I see John (new therapist) I'm not quite in the right frame to go through a load of rubbish but it's what needs to be done I get it, but again it is something more just to prep and I haven't got the energy.
I want to talk to Steve, I really do, but it's pipe dreams and won't happen so I need to do something about it.
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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Well I met John.
He's quiet and fond of asking me if I know what he's thinking...
Will have another go and see if there is a spark, he's easy to talk to, easy to deflect, easy to shift, may not be a healthy relationship, he's going to have to toughen up.
When I said we negotiate, push and pull, he said no I don't do that... oh but he will...
 
Shadow-one

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Lol Poppy

I think it sounds like YOU will be giving poor John therapy in the end!

He's probably terrified that you'll come back :eek2:

On a serious note - I'm sure he starts out with the soft approach as many people are first-timers (not like us experienced ones :) ) so he just needs to find the right place to start.

I do hope it works out for you..

He does sound nice and at least he's easy to talk too..... Maybe you need to keep reminding yourself that it's not Steve.....(not saying that you are either but may be something to watch.. :)
 
Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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Lol Poppy

I think it sounds like YOU will be giving poor John therapy in the end!

He's probably terrified that you'll come back :eek2:

On a serious note - I'm sure he starts out with the soft approach as many people are first-timers (not like us experienced ones :) ) so he just needs to find the right place to start.

I do hope it works out for you..

He does sound nice and at least he's easy to talk too..... Maybe you need to keep reminding yourself that it's not Steve.....(not saying that you are either but may be something to watch.. :)
I am trying very hard not to compare as the therapy they offer is very different, as much as CAT is supposed to be structured we lost the structure completely towards the end.

(I think it sounds like YOU will be giving poor John therapy in the end!) he said I would make an excellent therapist....LOL he's going to need something if he doesn't toughen up.
I told him he would have to shout occasionally, he asked if he could talk sternly.... God help him, I feel a good teaching session coming on... We have arrange to see each other 10 time in blocks of 3 to see if we can work together...
 
blacksmoke

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a cross between eeek meets :popcorn: what style is the counseling as that may have some bearing me thinks
 
Shadow-one

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Hey Poppy

From reading your stuff here I have no doubt that you would be an excellent therapist :)

But your current schedule definitely doesn't allow for anything more lol :)

I hope it works out that YOU get something from John as opposed to him learning from you!

I look forward to the updates :hug:
 
Poppy2014

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a cross between eeek meets :popcorn: what style is the counseling as that may have some bearing me thinks
His biography say he is an "existentialist counsellor and psychotherapist who is interested in listening to people and assisting them in gaining clarity and insight into how they can live life more fully"

The blurb for EC
A key element of existential counselling is that it does not place emphasis on past events like some other therapy types. The approach does take the past into consideration, and through retrospection the therapist and individual can understand the implications of past events. Instead of putting blame on events from the past however, existential counselling uses them as insight, becoming a tool to promote freedom and assertiveness. Coming to the realisation that you are not defined by your history and that you are not destined to have a certain future is often a breakthrough that offers liberation during this type of therapy.

I did a MA in philosophy and Ethics... My philosophy lecture told me I would never make a philosopher as I was too much of a pragmatist. The problem is my pragmatism is now getting in the way of my emotional reactions, Steve said I needed a EC or E psychologist. John is both so I'm here debating whether I can become philosophical about the situation with mum.

It's way way out of my comfort zone.
 
blacksmoke

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Gosh existentialist for me means deep lonliness in a crazy world that is distracted by trivia. And that you are the only one that can see it!

Gee well this is certainly interesting. So maybe your formulae wont quite work with this style lol. I kind of said to the counsellor I am seeing that I didn’t want/need to dig up the past as the present is hard enough. Oh sure sometimes I guess it does help but not in my case it just has entrenched me towards victim mentality.

Ah yes its in theory at least anyway.. cough.. that its our reaction to life’s events that is the game changer. Our woundedness gets in the way, sure its real but it still gets in the way. Somehow we have to move beyond/through this. And by doing this approach not getting sucked into the history I am no longer re-playing events. Especially the ones that happened over the weekend. So at last progress for me. Its only quite literally today that I have had this realisation!!!

Ah yeah all that education makes you reason your way out of the trauma and emotions aren’t rational which is why I sometimes think there needs to be some kind of counselling that addresses this. But sigh not the mumbo jumbo latest fad kind. Stuff that has tried and tested backbone and stability.

I allow myself to cry these days which has helped. I didn’t cry for years
Ah thinking out loud today I reckon but I hope its helpful


hey thats great its way out your comfort zone lol. its the challenges that change us
 
Poppy2014

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the whole thought of this is terrifying, I am so far out my comfort zone I have no idea what to say.
My whole life is so tied up in my past I cannot think how I can talk about anything else.
its going to be an education
 
Seachad

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the whole thought of this is terrifying, I am so far out my comfort zone I have no idea what to say.
My whole life is so tied up in my past I cannot think how I can talk about anything else.
its going to be an education
Kiting in. Apologies.

I've never heard of EC or E-Psych, before. It sounds fascinating. I'll have to see whether it's come to the US. Specifically, to Florida. (Sadly, I've my doubts that it has, we seem to lag behind in many advances.)

Do keep us informed as to how it works and how things go, yes?

Wishing you the very best of luck at it, and I very much hope you find it useful.
 
blacksmoke

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Time to fasten your seat belt! Anyway Poppy I reck0n you are in a better place to cope with this. Certainty dulls our attitudes and makes us complacent. Nothing wrong with certainty itself its how we cling to it that makes it counter productive.
 
Poppy2014

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don't know what triggered today, but I want to go for a drive.
Not wanted to do that for a few years. I haven't, I came home, was sensible but I really wanted to go for a drive.
Surprisingly dying wasn't a thought it wasn't about that, so I don't understand why I wanted to go for a drive.
I had just had a good session in the pool and gym, driving home, decided to call into supermarket for some chicken as I fancied a bhuna and I know we haven't any naan's, got to the supermarket realised I'd forgotten my purse turned round and suddenly my thought just went, you know you haven't been for a drive for a while lets go for one.
Not happy.
 
blacksmoke

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Hey Poppy sounding a bit choppy but you did well. You had the thought and didn’t act on it. impulse can be such a negative thing at times. These days you are aware of the thinking whereas before I would be prepared to say it was impulse that propelled you into these unhealthy actions.

I have thoughts that really are quite wearisome it seems when we get conscious of what it is that drives us to negative actions we then have the thinking doing a loop. which i guess the thinking was there all the time. It takes a bit of wash-rinse-repeat-spin-wash-rinse-repeat-spin.

Im having to start doing things differently to steady the constant at times wash cycle. Its just as well I aint around folk much.

So see today as a victory for not succumbing to that impulse. Can you maybe think what has led up to this?
 
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Poppy2014

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Here we go again folks:
Week 2 of Existential Psychotherapy, herein (EP)
What in the hell have I done? I am completely baffled, Steve confused me, John ties me in knots, asks me for words, which I have no understanding of, talks of feelings, cognitive responses and freedom.

When I ask for guidance he gives none, he told me that people have been guiding, telling and demanding me to do things all my life. This is about me making choices, telling him what I want to, I have to make the decision not to waste time, to decide what to say, and if he gets too close, asks the questions that hurt, it is my choice to guide him down the path and away from this.

WHAT?????????

I need structure, I need someone to say "you are pulling the wool Poppy" but he won't.
Steve and I battled for 48 weeks about me telling him what I needed to, this man says its all my responsibility, if I don't want to tell him then I don't but its only me that will know this.

I am going to go crazy, and we are only on week 2.
Poppy doesn't free flow, but apparently I'm going to learn...
 
blacksmoke

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that's the only counseling i have ever had done the i have to talk no structure and therefore big silences!

Sounds tough no guide ropes! Emotional honesty is very tough.. cough... much coughing.. in fact…a lot of coughing eeeek

A new way of doing things perhaps like you say you are going to learn! now's as good a time as any lol

gee fink i need me specs lol now where did i put them
 
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