Poppy2014

Poppy2014

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We are all in the same mess, there are 11 of us who teach, and our WAM average last year was 2366 hours each. We all had our hours reduced to comply with the 1550 regulations, its amazing that every single member of our unit worked the same number of hours despite our WAM saying something very different.
The highest number was 2790 and the lowest 1987
Not bad really.
Double the students no increase to staff means we are all going to be doing a whole increase of numbers.
Heigh ho.
Let's see.
 
G

Girl interupted

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So at the very least you should host a dinner with your colleagues to brain storm. Try to figure out a way to at least meet management’s demands halfway, then push it back on them to figure out a solution. Bear in mind you are not privy to budgeting. Their hands may be tied in that regard.

But I think if you work with your colleagues, there’s strength in numbers.

It just reeks of manipulation though to set you up, so be careful.
 
Shadow-one

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Gosh Poppy - that sounds completely outrageous.... And illegal..... How on earth can they even begin to justify it? Crazy..... You should definitely get a few more people if you can who feel the same way and approach the idiot decision maker as a group... Totally ridiculous...

Your therapy sounds so challanging Poppy..... But I always have felt that you aren't afraid of pushing yourself if you are confident that you're with the right therapist and can see benefit for you in doing it... I always think you're very brave :)

I love reading about how you're doing so keep us posted!
 
Shadow-one

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Hi Poppy

I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to get your opinion on something as you are very wise in terms of therapy (I think anyway :D) and I'm in a bit of a quandry...

So my Psychiatrist fast tracked me in CMHT to see the Psychologist there to try and help me with the sorry state of my life....

As you know I have been going to Catherine (Psychotherapist) for almost 4years now so this change is absolutely MASSIVE.... I did agree to try Psychology with Finnoula as my Psychiatrist really went out of her way to get me an appointment within 4wks (in January) when the waiting list is 11mths.... Also my psychiatrist really does think that the structure of psychology being very different from what I'm doing could really benefit me - so she is really trying to help me..

We agreed a timeframe of finishing/starting at the end of April but I ended up in hospital for 9 days so this got pushed out.....

So here is my quandry - I am still seeing Catherine at the moment....... Finnoula is going on holidays from June 3rd until the week of June 17th.... She has offered to start our sessions then - so we would do 3 sessions and then she is on holidays again last 2wks July first 2wks August...

So that would be a break of two appointments as we will meet fortnightly.... I have also been given the option of starting at the end of August when she is back fully.....

I will see Finnoula every two weeks and the week I don't see her, I will see Claire for a session - she's my key worker and nurse..... really lovely....

So based on your extensive experience of therapy - can I ask your opinion on which date I should start? Do you think to start June 17th and have 3 sessions and then a break would be the right thing - just see what it's like and then have some time off - or am I better to start in August when she is back fully?

In my thought process it the fact that I am now talking about June or August when this was meant to happen in April - so I do feel everyone has been very patient with me........ but I need to decide what's best for me in this.... If I go for June - I will have finished with Catherine so would have 4wks of just seeing Claire - but is this better than finishing one week with Catherine and walking into completely new therapy the following week........

HELP!!!

Any advice would be great Poppy.......

Thanks a mill :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

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Hi Poppy

I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to get your opinion on something as you are very wise in terms of therapy (I think anyway :D) and I'm in a bit of a quandry...

So my Psychiatrist fast tracked me in CMHT to see the Psychologist there to try and help me with the sorry state of my life....

As you know I have been going to Catherine (Psychotherapist) for almost 4years now so this change is absolutely MASSIVE.... I did agree to try Psychology with Finnoula as my Psychiatrist really went out of her way to get me an appointment within 4wks (in January) when the waiting list is 11mths.... Also my psychiatrist really does think that the structure of psychology being very different from what I'm doing could really benefit me - so she is really trying to help me..

We agreed a timeframe of finishing/starting at the end of April but I ended up in hospital for 9 days so this got pushed out.....

So here is my quandry - I am still seeing Catherine at the moment....... Finnoula is going on holidays from June 3rd until the week of June 17th.... She has offered to start our sessions then - so we would do 3 sessions and then she is on holidays again last 2wks July first 2wks August...

So that would be a break of two appointments as we will meet fortnightly.... I have also been given the option of starting at the end of August when she is back fully.....

I will see Finnoula every two weeks and the week I don't see her, I will see Claire for a session - she's my key worker and nurse..... really lovely....

So based on your extensive experience of therapy - can I ask your opinion on which date I should start? Do you think to start June 17th and have 3 sessions and then a break would be the right thing - just see what it's like and then have some time off - or am I better to start in August when she is back fully?

In my thought process it the fact that I am now talking about June or August when this was meant to happen in April - so I do feel everyone has been very patient with me........ but I need to decide what's best for me in this.... If I go for June - I will have finished with Catherine so would have 4wks of just seeing Claire - but is this better than finishing one week with Catherine and walking into completely new therapy the following week........

HELP!!!

Any advice would be great Poppy.......

Thanks a mill :hug:
I know this wasnt aimed at me but i'm a bit confused, would you be seeing all of the people you named or would you be swapping Catherine for Finnoula? :unsure:

If you'd like my opinion as well, when it comes to dates I'd say go with whatever feels right for you :grouphug:

Of course, feel free to tell me to mind my own business if you just wanted Poppy's opinion and nobody else's :hug:
 
Poppy2014

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Hi Shadow,

Having 3 sessions then a break of 4 weeks would be a nightmare in my opinion, especially if it's a new therapy and you are just getting into it. You would be just developing your relationship.

If I had the option, you are right, finishing Catherine 1 week and starting with Fionnoula the next isn't good as you will still have an emotional attachment to her, especially given the long relationship between you both.

I'll be honest here and say I often felt Catherine backed down to you when you became upset. If you remember Steve pushed me so hard I ran, but the same day I realised I was exactly where I needed to be rather than where I wanted to be and as I asked Steve to push me and not back down was the only reason I made the progress to get me to where I am now.

So if it's possible I would plump for the end of August with Fionnoula and 4 weeks with Clare to give you the break between one therapy and the next and reduce the reliance on Catherine with support, and a break from therapy even if you are seeing Clare may be exactly what you need to get ready.

BTW I'm not brave, EMDR scares the shit out of me, but I know that E will support me and keep me safe, it's about having the trust in the person to push you past the limits of comfort, to take you to the parts that hurt and to deal with everything that comes with it.

Good luck with whatever you decide. XXXX Poppy
 
Poppy2014

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In my life, can I be a little bit OMG.
The Dept Head who I brought the grievance against, hasn't done anything about what he was supposed to do. Today I received an email from work saying he is leaving effective immediately.... Go figure.
I then received an email from HR asking me if my case had been resolved, so I said no.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with the Dean of the school to discuss it.
Scared beyond anything
 
blacksmoke

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just hang on in there Poppy you have done nothing wrong. just hold your nerve and know what your bottom line is good luck!!
 
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No don’t be scared. You were brave and he was an asshat. It’s good he is gone, I’m pretty sure everyone else who endured his nonsense sent up a silent cheer. You are the hero.
 
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It’s an opportunity to speak about your hours too. You can explain everyone is in the same boat. Be compliant and gracious though, remember this dean is on your side. The more flexible you are, the more he will try to find a solution, I’ll wager.
 
write

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Poppy, It sounds as though he's in trouble and they need to see you ASAP as action is being taken against him... . I hope they will be supportive of you tomorrow.
I'm sorry your work hours sound illegal and impossible. Know that doesn't help you xx.
I'm glad you're being treated properly re doing the EMDR. My experience was awful, damaging, due to lack of trust, inconsistency and lack of preparation. I hope it helps you. Sounds as though you will get the therapy as it's meant to be done.
Hope OK too to say good luck Shadow with your therapy decision too. This stuff is all so tough xx
 
Poppy2014

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Hi all,
Thank you, it's just everything is happening so fast, one minute I was going to leave it alone and decided to be quiet, I knew I'd won, he knew I'd won and I have a lot more to concentrate on than him. To be honest, since I was removed, I've slept better, work hard but not ridiculously, have booked an actual holiday knowing I'll actually be able to go on it and not worry about what I'm coming back to.

The fact that B has left the uni isn't a surprise, I anticipated it several weeks ago, once the letter went to him. The Dean I see tomorrow isn't the guy who investigated it, he's the one I didn't want to investigate it because he is very close to B and was in the meeting where I "spoke out of turn"...
I am going to mention the hours as our WAM has just come for this year and mine looks beyond horrific. I have an email trail showing how it was changed to meet the university requirements.

Write, I'm sorry you had such a bad time with EMDR, I met with E 6 times before we actually started therapy and he did a 10 minute trial, followed by a 20 minute run before he did this one which was 30 minutes + debrief. From next week I will have 70 minutes in a session, 10 minutes to start, just chat and set the scene, going over anything that came up following the last session, then 45 minutes for EMDR followed by 15 minutes for come down and immediate debrief. As you said it's the trust that's the main thing, being so vulnerable is hard, but I can say without the prep from John, Dave and Steve, there would have been no way I could have done this. I don't understand how people can do EMDR without some sort of prep work. John stabilised my pain and started me with the diagnosis, Dave spent 2 years doing emotional recognition and self soothing, Steve battered me but CAT was phenomenal and E will finish everything off with EMDR going over some of the worst memories, those that still pinch my calm.

Tomorrow I will be calm, she says with all good intentions and hope. I've done it once I can do it again.
 
Shadow-one

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I know this wasnt aimed at me but i'm a bit confused, would you be seeing all of the people you named or would you be swapping Catherine for Finnoula? :unsure:

If you'd like my opinion as well, when it comes to dates I'd say go with whatever feels right for you :grouphug:

Of course, feel free to tell me to mind my own business if you just wanted Poppy's opinion and nobody else's :hug:
Hi Midnight,

I'm delighted to get your opinion thanks :hug:

I specifically wanted to ask Poppy as she has such a huge amount of theapy and has had these type of changes before so I knew she would be objective (where I can't be)

It wasn't that I didn't want anyone else to offer opinions - I just didn't want to be taking over Poppys thread by raising my own issues in it!

Thanks for you support and advice....

Oh and to answer your question - yes I would be leaving Catherine my psychotherapist and starting with Finnoula the psychologist! :panic:
 
Shadow-one

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Hi Shadow,

Having 3 sessions then a break of 4 weeks would be a nightmare in my opinion, especially if it's a new therapy and you are just getting into it. You would be just developing your relationship.

If I had the option, you are right, finishing Catherine 1 week and starting with Fionnoula the next isn't good as you will still have an emotional attachment to her, especially given the long relationship between you both.

I'll be honest here and say I often felt Catherine backed down to you when you became upset. If you remember Steve pushed me so hard I ran, but the same day I realised I was exactly where I needed to be rather than where I wanted to be and as I asked Steve to push me and not back down was the only reason I made the progress to get me to where I am now.

So if it's possible I would plump for the end of August with Fionnoula and 4 weeks with Clare to give you the break between one therapy and the next and reduce the reliance on Catherine with support, and a break from therapy even if you are seeing Clare may be exactly what you need to get ready.

BTW I'm not brave, EMDR scares the shit out of me, but I know that E will support me and keep me safe, it's about having the trust in the person to push you past the limits of comfort, to take you to the parts that hurt and to deal with everything that comes with it.

Good luck with whatever you decide. XXXX Poppy
Hey Poppy

Thanks so much for your advice.... It's exactly what I need to hear..

I think you're right about Catherine (although hating to admit it) but yes, she has backed down on occasions when I was finding things difficult and was afraid she was getting too close to home. She would then always say that we will go there when I feel more stable. She sees an expert in BPD every few months in the UK and always brings my case to her... And that lady has told her to expect years of very slow work with me so I think that's part of why she can pull back at times.

In saying this - if I were to be honest - I seem to be able to get around people to do what I want most of the time.... If I were to name it - it would be Manipulation..... I seem to have a knack of people letting me off the hook - even the Crisis Team who would have definitely followed their very clear structured procedure at times when I have said things about SH -but they never have done it with me because I get around them.. I'm beginning to see it in a more negative light of late however... Hard NOT to do it when being in control of myself and my world seems to be my strongest survival technique.

So I think I might now finish with Catherine in the 2nd week in July as Finnoula goes on 4wks holidays - and meet Claire only until Finnoula is back in August so I'll be a better place emotionally....

Thanks again Poppy - you are always straight up and that's exactly what I need....
And I remember well the day you ran out on Steve...... but more importantly I remember that you did go back......

:hug:
 
Shadow-one

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Hi Poppy

To get your thread back on track after my 'sabotage' :rofl2:

Best of luck with your meeting today....... You will be great...

I know you probably have everything you want to see written out - but if not do so you don't leave and remember something that will haunt you afterwards...

Let us know how you get on....

:hug:
 
Poppy2014

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Oops....
Well,
Shadow, I've said before thread hijacking is absolutely fine, it's not "my" thread I just happen to contribute to it... In terms of what you said about "manipulation" not sure if you remember, but Steve used to call it "puppetering" he said I held all the strings of people around me and put them where I wanted to and how I wanted to. Manipulation is done with malicious intent and neither one of us did it maliciously, we did it to protect ourselves, it's our coping mechanism. Now you can see it, you have learn how to control it.

Catherine sounds very much like Dave was for me, excellent to talk to about the stars, the moon and the sky, just not about the emotions that make the world go round!!! He didn't have the confidence to push back and call it. Because I gave Steve permission and told him I would fight him every step of the way, he took me at my word and pushed me further and harder than any other patient he'd dealt with. I vividly remember him telling me I drove him to seek therapy at one point as he really thought he couldn't help me. I was really upset to see just how much self doubt he had, because I'd manipulated him intentionally during one session, not puppetering, pure manipulation because I didn't want to do what he wanted.
That was our turning point; I didn't want him to feel like that, I knew he could help me so much, I was just scared to let him in. 3 more weeks and I finally capitulated, I gave him total control over me and he never once abused that control. From then on I listened, worked hard and did everything he asked.

Sounds like you have a good plan, logical and practical, I think if someone had mentioned leaving Catherine a year ago, you'd have told them to take a jump from a tall building. So well done on being brave enough, good enough and absolutely strong enough to take that jump into the unknown. You go......

Now for my half.
In 30 minutes I managed to cram a lot in... I told him all about what happened, he offered me the field lead role back, I politely turned him down, he has said I can support the new lead (which helps) and hopefully it will mean that she will feel less stressed in her role.
He was on my side, even went as far as saying there wasn't anything in the meeting he remembers me saying that was out of order, wrong or aggressive and if he had known about the situation with B he would have stopped it immediately (makes me glad in some ways he didn't, rather enjoying less stress...), asked me what I needed to make me feel like I was a valued member of the team... I thought REALLY LONG and hard for about 30 seconds...he told me I could say anything as I wouldn't upset him, so I did.
I told him we as a team of adult lecturers felt unsupported, our WAM's were appalling and untruthful, we were suffering from burnout/stress, work overload and no one was listening.
We had more students, less staff and were being penalised for it, being told we had nothing to be proud of for our hard work in maintaining our league table position, and a whole host of other things including the fact that after having been there for nearly 4 years I had only seen him twice and the first time I thought he was a student...
Outcome, the adult team have a 3 monthly meeting with him until we feel we have some support, that what we do is recognised and that we are kept up to date with everything that concerns us at higher levels rather than being locked out.
He's going to sort my letter out and was annoyed the B didn't do anything about it or even inform him that he was under investigation. So all in, I think I did okay.
Baffled but okay, went in for a complaint and came out with 3 monthly meetings for the team.

(Shadow, that's what you can call manipulation, had an agenda, had some peripheries, came out with both and he never knew what hit him!)
 
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Poppy that’s flipping awesome. That’s the best possible outcome you could have hoped for. Better still, you not only helped yourself, but you helped others, too. Well done. Really. I mean it! Xo
 
Poppy2014

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Well the meetings have been put in our diaries, (3 for now) and I have had positive comments from the staff for arranging them, lets see what happens now.

Week 4 EMDR
I cried, I hurt, I was stressed and I finally told E I needed to stop, but I made it to 35 minutes.
Today E explained a little more about what he wants from me as I was honest and told him sometimes I don't understand what he means and what he actually wants from me.
For example, the first question he asks is about how I felt the last session and have I had any movement? I wasn't sure what he meant, it was confusing me so I stopped and decided to be honest and say I wasn't sure what he meant.

I'm not sure if I've explained but when we do the actual session it's covered as a train journey, starting at a fixed point in time and then let my mind take me to places in time that hurt, mean something, cover periods of uncertainty, but at the end of the day only I can do it, and I have to be honest and go to the places that hurt. At the same time as my mind is going on a train journey my eyes are watching a bar with green lights on it that light up in singles, doubles and quads, and he controls the speed, the length of time between "stations". A station is where he stops me and asks me to tell him how I feel there and then, wanting to know if it's images, thoughts, feelings and I do my useless best to try and figure it out.

But, he explained in terms I understood... that was brilliant, I could finally see what he meant and what he wanted and this allowed me to think about things in a different light.

The first session we started he picked a point from my timeline, he chose the day my brother went missing, the day that my parents fought in the street and the day I found out that my brother was in fact my step brother in quite a brutal way, my dad shouted at mum get that Ba**ard back to it's father, my step brother was 14 at the time. 2 weeks later the abuse started and the rest as they say is history. E couldn't have picked a harder day to start on of he'd tried. Anyway, he wanted me to think of that image and given that the first time he asked me how distressed that image made me feel on a 1-10 scale I could say without thinking that it was a 9.

On Monday when he asked I couldn't think of it as distressing, I told him that actually I was okay about coming up to about 2 hours before the session started and then I started with palpitations, nerves, nausea and wanted to eat... He said that was a good sign as it meant I was becoming emotionally attached to the sessions and was now invested in therapy. He said he would be more worried if after 3 sessions I didn't feel anything as it meant I was detached.

So the session started, we got on the train age 8 and started the journey, the problems started immediately, I didn't want to be 8, I didn't want to go on that journey, my mind wanted to be 15 and start on a whole new journey. I stopped E and told him it wasn't behaving, and I'd changed trains today... He got it, and said okay go for that journey, there must be a reason why the journey is important today.
So Monday was all about my mum, her words, her hate, the absolute total disregard for her daughter, he becoming a widow, her telling me she knew, about my dad, and this week she asked me to contact my step brother as son and daughter have had more children and got married, then caused my son to become distressed and finally driving me crazy in general.
Phoning me at work to ask me to pick up some cat food she has forgotten.

By the time I finished the journey, I was crying, I was lost, I didn't know where to go or how to get back on the train and move away from the distress and fear. E told me to stay there, to find my way, to own my feelings and accept them. He asked me to then go back to the initial thought, to just move to stop being lost and to go straight back to being 8. I tried, I really did, but as soon as I started the journey I went straight to my safe space, I couldn't do any more and E told me to stop immediately and he was really pleased that I had the confidence to ask to stop rather than try and fake it.
He let me have 5 minutes just thinking about it, being there, in the library, in the bean bag with Amy or Jean bringing me a cup of tea and letting me curl up in the quiet room with a book (or 2 or 3 depending on when it closed) then going home with 10 books and coming back in 2 days to do it all again.

He then asked me to tell him all about my safe space, describe it to him and then we talked about how I felt now, was I calming down. I went to pick Dan up from school and we got home at 4 by 4:30 I was out cold, the rest of my day completely gone as I slept until 12 got up, had something to eat and went back to bed at 2, got up at 7:30 today, still washed out tired, but mentally more settled.

It's all getting real now, we are in the real session's and it's getting as tough as I expected it to be, unless it gets harder here on in.
 
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