- Jan 4, 2013
Hi Poppy,Today I taught a group of 2nd year MSc students about evidence based practice.
Rather than make it dry I put it into context of living my life and meeting all the people along they way who have hiven me information, told me to read this, look at that, told me what I have wasn't real, is real, maybe real, is a dustbin diagnosis because the professionals don't know what it is.
Another Dr saying that's wrong because look you trust me, here's your evidence, about suicide, wanting to die because you have diagnoses that people can't see, but will be with you for the rest of your life.
Have this therapy, do this programme, talk to this person, you'll get better, no you won't you will get worse.
Don't do this you'll break, do this it will make you better.
A lot of the students got it, one said I was selfish, suicide is selfish and I didn't think about the other people.
Of all the things I talked about today that's what she took.
Sometimes I feel like I would be better off being dry and boring, talking textbook rather than opening my veins to expose myself in real life to people who are going to look after me.
Trying to explain that pain isn't just physical but psychological and that teaching stops it hurting, but that teaching makes it hurt when you realise that what you were trying to say didn't work and that one person didn't listen.
If means I failed to teach them about communication, about hearing the story underneath and learning to really hear what people are saying, not the words but the pain.
I suppose I can't win them all. I'll have to try another way next year.
Tired, sore, and disappointed with myself. It hurts to lay yourself open to question but for the question not to be asked and for the people who are going to be the future nurses to be so judgemental at this stage is worrying.
Please don't be to hard on yourself, I'm sure your a wonderful teacher.
It is worrying that future nurses might already be judgemental.