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mother's day.. need your advice

R

ruby_slippers

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Founding Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
6
Hi,

I have borderline personality disorder. At new year my mum said she didn't want anything more to do with me,due to my behaviour (the bpd in other words) i can't say whether she is right or wrong, its her choice and i have accepted it.

So.. why do i feel so guilty about mother's day? I don't know whether i should send a card or not, as i know that she will be upset if i don't.. however i realise that her being upset isn't my problem, as it was her who basically disowned me!

Maybe i just want to stop my own guilt, as it will be the first time for aslong as i remember that i havent given her a gift and a nice card. Then again.. i would be lying if i sent her a card saying 'you're a wonderful mum' when she wont even speak to me! what would you do?

My partner spoke to both my parents about 6 weeks ago and they said the situation remained unchanged. I have spoken to my dad on msn but thats it.


Please help.. any opinions, thoughts or advice are welcome here!


Thank you.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Thats awful of your mother really to behave in this way, but then nothing surprises me these days the way of this world. Though I'm not so sure about the mothers day card thing I think I would proberly send one.
I dont t really love my father but I send a card to keep the peace. The thing is she will proberly say if you dont my child doesnt care about me just get a blank verse then she cannot blame you for the rift.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
If your mother doesn't want contact with you then don't send her a card. It's not worth the potential hassle. You shouldn't be feeling guilty. You didn't ask for BPD even though you were landed with it. We are all responsible for our behaviour whatever we are but sometimes it's really hard to live responsibly. If your parents can't recognize that it's because of their limitations and not yours.

If you want to do something for mother's day perhaps there's an old lady living by without a family that might appreciate a bunch of flowers?
 
R

ruby_slippers

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Mar 17, 2008
Messages
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Both options make sense. I have been really horrible at times to my mum tho, and i need to accept my own share of the blame for the rift i think.
 
ms_P

ms_P

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If she doesn't want to know you, it's best not to press the issue right now.
Don't send a card or gift, in my opinion.
Personally, I love my daughters no end regardless of their faults, shortcomings, character flaws, or mistakes. I could never let them go while I live & breathe.
 
R

ruby_slippers

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
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For my own peace of mind i have ordered a gift card with a message... which will be posted to her address. I feel fine with that.

TBH Im not sure if i want to reconcile with my mother. I am enjoying the breathing space and i haven't felt any need to see her. Is this 'normal' or should i be crying/freaking out/begging for contact??

The borderline's worst fear is being abandoned, but my mum has abandoned me, the worst has happened, so why do i feel ok?
 
S

saffron

Guest
I feel the same way, although my mum did not exactly disown me, she did make me feel distant and pushed aside, and I do not think she is a good mother, so I feel a hypocrite to send her a mothers day card, However, when I do I do it for myself, im not going to feel guilty over something I have not done wrong, I am not a bad person and will do the right thing even though I feel she does not really deserve it, I guess, it is also to show her that for all her faults I am not going to lower myself to her level. I can hold my head knowing that I have done the right thing. if that makes sense, dont put yourself through unnecessary anguish or bitterness over a simple jesture. if that makes sense. anyway, the final decision is yours. take care
best wishes
S:hug:
 
N

northern

Guest
I would like to add my angst! regarding something as simple as a 'Mothers Day Card' etc.

It isn't as simple as some people think! What is the saying walk in my shoe/moccasions then you would know etc........

For years I felt guilty for not sending a simple card whether that be for Birthday or Mother's Day! Yet did I get anything? the answer is NO! Not even a birthday card, when I was in my teens.....

I did take note of past and I did apply it to the day in question? Hell! Yes!

What otherway was I to deal? Being that you treat me lower than shit, I will do the same back at you. I think it is called surviral.

That once I finally escaped the shit, that my mother would never ever ex-knowledged that I was born, or had a family of my own WTF!

Even when I finally turned 50 against alot of medicial crap (I had cancer) some 21 years ago) she still did not send me a card wishing me the 'Best on my Fiftheth' etc...... nothing not even a phone call..........yet an Aunt did.

Great! that I lived a past what wasn't what I wanted as child but did I get a Happy Birthday! most times. In your dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still waiting and the bitch died recently and could not name me in her will, yet expected me do do alot of the running around for her in her few last months. According to her will I am kn own as .....as for the other two nothing.............gives you how much I of worth to a mother being her her first born....................
 
S

saffron

Guest
Northern
you are very angry over this and I can see why, but holding on to such negative feelings and responses is doing your mental health no good at all. all that bitterness and anger, and yet you are doing the same as she is. you are both ignoring each other, and whilst I do not know your mothers reason for it, I doubt you do, but you know your reasons and it is ruining your life . Break free.
I hope you find peace.
S
 
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