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Mother left me when i was younger. seeking help.

A

Archiemay

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Leeds
Hi im new here. I have been having issue in my life for years which all seems to go back to when my parents divorced. I will explain a bit of background to the story. Any advice would be helpful. If anyone knows of any other websites that could be useful to help me solve this situation please let me know of them. Also if anyone could point me in the right direction of where to go with this would be helpful.
Parent divorce situation.
So my mother cheated on my dad when I was 14. This put me in a position that meant I took over her role in the house. Looking after my younger brother, sister and my dad as he struggled for years. She came round to see me about a week after they split up and because I had heard what she had done I said I didn't want to see her. Since that day she has sent a card on my 18th birthday, nothing special wrote inside it and she called once on Christmas but just breathed down the phone. Her and my dad equally have my sister at their homes as she was too young to make a decision. My younger brother saw her for a while then stopped and over the last few years I think he has seen her a couple of times but they are not close. I am 25 now so have not had contact for over 10 years.
Since the moment they broke up i went from being a well behaved, clever, wanting to do well child into a different person. Drink, drugs, gambling. Just an addictive, self destructive personality. I've never been able to hold serious relationships or friendships due to all my issues.
I have had issues with the drink and drugs and I have sorted all that out but the gambling went to a different level. I have been taking control of the gambling recently. I am now at 41 days without gambling. I am finally taking control of my life but even though I feel in control right now, I'm still scared that I might mess up again in the future. Nothing in me wants to gamble again but I've said this before and somehow done it again.
So I was talking to a doctor recently as I've just injured my hip and we discussed everything that I have been through. She thinks that I should face my demons and talk to my mother after all these years. Maybe this will clear the air and stop me living this life of mistakes, regret and misery . But on the other hand I know this would hurt my dad and I don't want that. The reason I haven't got into contact with her is that I don't think she deserves to hear from me. She lost that right when she left. I want to live my life without her because I don't want to ever need her. But obviously so far this isn't happening.
I just don't know if it is a risk worth taking. It could make my life worse or it could solve everything.
Any advice on my situation would be very helpful. Thank you.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
43,407
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Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. Its a difficult one to address. I think a mother leaving is worse than a father at times as she is the main caregiver and primary parent - but I don't know if I am being sexist here. She made very little attempt to keep in touch which must have hurt immensely. I think that therapy will help you a lot to work through your demons. Itisn't very expensive but finding one near you might be a little difficult as they aren't common any more. If you live in a city it will be easier but you will have to wait to start probably. This is complex for you and you have got into a series of habits that hinder your progress.
 
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