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Mother dear

unlucky

unlucky

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They **** you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to but they do
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you

How true this is for me today, just had a lovely phone call with my mother telling me again that everythings my fault. I will now be inconsolable for the day, hope I can stay away from the bathroom cabinet, I don't want any more scars. Why, when they know how bad we feel, do some people feel the need to kick you even further down?
 
invise

invise

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I know what you mean, they always pick the days you feel worst too, just to really rub the salt in sore wounds.

Hope your feeling better soon, dont beat yourself up too much about it. These things are sent to try us. My mum was taken into hospital yesterday, went to see her, and all I got was, oh is the house tidy? If its in a mess when I get back you've had it, sort of thing.
 
unlucky

unlucky

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sounds like your mums as anally retentive as mine - all she cares about is appearances, one of the times i tried to commit suicide she asked me what she was supposed to tell the neighbours if i succeeded. aaah maternal instincts
 
invise

invise

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What!? thats so cold. Sounds like they'd get on bitching together just fine. Mines the same with appearances, although expresses it a little different I suppose. Everything she has or does is based on other people, if only I could be a sheep, maybe things would be easier.

I often feel bad for fighting with her and whatever though. She has her own problems, but it always seems like im the one to bear the brunt of them. Its like she needs to snap at people to make herself feel better. Never once gotten an apology though
 
unlucky

unlucky

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Its not just my mum, its my whole family - think i'm a big disappointment to all of them. its my mums 60th next month and my mum, my sister and my two aunts are going to a spa day and i'm not invited. my aunt arranged it and the worst thing is i don't even think she didn't invite me out of badness, its just like i don't exist!! she wouldn't even have thout about me! ic ouldn't hav gone anyway as i very rarely leave the house (only with husband wen i hold on to him so hard he bruises!) it would hav been nice to be acknowledged tho! As for your mum having her own problems, i bet your more sympathetic to hers than she is to yours.:rolleyes:
 
unlucky

unlucky

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haha wee postscript - sitting here howling my eyes out and my door just got knocked, answered and it was the Watchtower Jehovah Witnesses 'spreading their message'

Am I getting a sign?? lol
 
invise

invise

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heh, your problems are nothing compared to theirs! I think we need to try and not be too expectant of other people, and recognise that just because they think something doesnt mean its true. I bet your not a disappointment at all. Guess its like the old cliche, you gotta learn to love yourself. Having said that though, it does hurt like hell when people are proper cows. You could always send her a happy 5th birthday card, and when she asks why tell her its how old she acts :rolleyes:
 
unlucky

unlucky

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my husband keeps telling me that - its not me, its her. but i think we'll always have certain expectations about our parents - the most basic being that they'll love us!! i also tell myself that just because shes my mum she doesn't automatically hav to like me but it doesn't make me feel any better. my psychologist says most of my problems are down to me not having my mum as my safe place then i find myself defending her to everyone and saying shes not that bad!! people cant win with me!! my mums always been used to everyone doing as she says whether its right or wrong and i don't fall in with that - as you say maybe if i were a sheep!!
 
invise

invise

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Thats what im like with my girlfriend lol. I dont try to defend my mum, people feel the full force of my rants about her, although I do scowl if they join in. Most my mates dont like my gf though, but I feel like shes the only person I can confide in. That doesnt make me feel any less depressed, but my doc says its only healthy to speak to people. Guess here's good for that too. Anyway, what Im meaning is, while your husband can obviously not replace your mum, maybe he can be your safe place? It's not really a solution, but maybe it might get a smile every so often? I sometimes feel a lot better after unlaoding everything to my gf.
 
unlucky

unlucky

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i got hit with that from my mum today too 'you've got 'hubby' and thats obviously all you need' - she doesn't like him because he took a lot of her power to hurt me away from her, i stopped visiting very often because i was sick of not being acknowledged - she didn't even say hello when we walked in!! its good you'v got your gf but don't you feel that if you keep on that your boring her or burdening her with your probs? i feel that with hubby, theres really so little they can do except listen and i'm always aware that they can't really know what your talking about - gawd half the time i don't know what i'm talking about myself!! thats why i think this site might be good for me cos others know what your feeling - well better than people who haven't been cursed with 'the daftness!!' thanks for letting me bend your ear.:eek:
 
invise

invise

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No problem, thats what this forums for isnt it?! I like talking to people on here, it reminds me that Im not alone. I feel like i go to so lonely places far too often. I do feel like I bore her, and yes it scares me, and actually makes me even worse at times. To be totally honest things havent been that good lately. Shes been accepted to uni and is moving away for two years starting this September! I have no idea what Im gonna do. I know shes gonna find someone so much better and more exciting than me, after all its not hard. I started crying again, ooops. Im such a girl. I didnt mean to sound like your mum, sorry. I feel like I kill all the romance a lot too, I always seem to be down when shes in a good mood. I even run away occasionaly because I get so upset. I sleep in my car, how bad is that!
 
unlucky

unlucky

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:hug:At least you can leave the house alone to sleep in the car!!! The way I see it is that if shes stuck by you at your lowest ebb then she must think you're worth holding on to, I tried my best to drive my beloved away but he kept coming back!! As I say to him 'I'm supposed to be the insane one - you're worse, you married me!!' I think what we need to remember is that although it feels as if this illness has completely overtaken our personality as we were 'pre-illness' a lot of our old personality must shine through to partners or why else would they stay with us. Some days I can nearly be my old self and even when I am depressed I'm so self deprecating that I always manage to make my hubby and myself laugh. Don't worry too much about the uni thing, I'm trying to remember a quote from Waynes World 'if you hurl on her and she walks away then it wasn't meant to be but if you blw chunks and she stays......' can't remember it but you get the gist!!! Que sera sera and all that - I'm full of crappy old cliches today!! Sorry if I made you cry because you've done the opposite to me, I'm much calmer now and hopefully will stay away from that blasted bathroom cabinet for another day!! heres a wee hug to cheer you up:hug:
 
invise

invise

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Thanks :hug: You didnt make me cry, I do it to myself. I get what you mean by the quote, oh the philosophies of comedy! You actually cheered me up quite a bit too with the last post. I never though about it that way before, maybe she does still see good. I really really hope shes not with me out of pity. She cant be though, cause shes still here right? The uni thing would have been a perfect excuse to leave, but she didnt. Thanks for not ignoring me, its nice to just be able to talk to someone in a similar situation. Hope you feel better for the rest of today, give your hubby a big hug when he gets home! Im gonna go bug gf at work just now and give her a hug. Be back online in an hour or so. Stay happy :hug:
 
unlucky

unlucky

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I really don't think anyone could put up with someone with this illness and stay out of pity - I certainly couldn't!! Don't be so down on yourself, you're obviously worth something to your gf even if your not to yourself!! Thanks for letting me vent my spleen.

Q. have u ever shoed a horse?
A. Naw but I've telt a dug to eff off!!
 
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