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Money, Debt and Depression where I am at :(

  • Thread starter wheredoistart2021
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W

wheredoistart2021

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2021
Messages
2
Location
North east
Not sure where I start but thought I would share my predicament as I am badly struggling with depression and debt……

I have always been bad with money ever since I left school (I am 35 now) but about 7 years ago I setup my own business and it was very successful. The company was turning over £200000 per year profit(I had a business partner at the time who I gave 50% to). Everything was going terrific but I made a lot of bad life choices. Instead of using my money wisely I funded a lavish lifestyle ticking off things I always wanted to do.

I had a fiancé at the time and she also got used to the lifestyle we were living which then meant I had to keep up the pretence. Factor in so called friends I kept this going for a while.

Money was still good but then I found out my fiancé had cheated and I lost the plot for a few month. At this point I had also found out my business partner was also planning to leave and had been turning clients against me. This happened about 3/4 year ago. My business partner left and set his own up.

I lost the plot in honesty and was drinking heavily and spending money like no tomorrow. Not thinking of the debt I was getting myself in. I was still earning a decent crust but was spending it to keep up the pretence. I got diagnosed with depression around the time of the splits and I was on Prozac for a month or so. I came clean to family about my depression but I will be honest I didn’t follow up and the doctors didn’t follow up. A lot of my anxiety came from my business partner as he was in my head and I was obsessed that he was better than me etc

So here is where the debt comes in.

Whilst I was spending for fun I got my business in a ton of tax debt.

This was around 20k in corp tax. I got a letter and a house visit. I negotiated and started on a payment plan. This is now at around 28k.

I also neglected my self assessment which is around 15k

I also neglected gas and electric which is at 5k

I took a bounce back loan at 12.5 but that was used to pay other debts to keep me going.

I literally have no idea where I start or what I am going to do. My business was my baby and I am proud of it but I have ran it into the ground. I cannot not give it up but I might have no choice soon. The pressure on my back feels immense but I know I have only myself to blame. Everyone thinks I’m okay but I know I am not. So many look upto me and that kills me knowing very soon the truth will have to come out. I am going out and drinking to blank things out but I already know it is making everything worse. I have occasionally have suicidal thoughts but these are generally when drunk and I am certain I would do anything like that. I sleep most the day then I try keep occupied but my confidence is shot to bits. Although with mates I counter the confidence with taking the micky out of them. Over compensating for how I am feeling. Everything stems to regrets and hating myself. I keep seeing my friends leap frogging me in life and just wish I could turn back time

I should have had a few houses if the money was used correctly and this is something I cannot get out of my head and I hate myself everyday for the predicament I am in. I have nobody to blame but myself.

Luckily I have a understanding GF but she will only last so long with me.

On a positive I am looking for work as an extra income and also it will help me focus and I have an appointment at the doctors. I am going to keep off the drink for the foreseeable whilst I get things sorted. No idea how I tackle these debts.

Sorry for the long rant and I know a lot was debt related but it felt good getting it off my chest.
 
G

Gotmeagain

Active member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
36
Location
Newport
Sounds like you are already starting to make a sensible plan with quitting alcohol and seeing your GP. Alcohol is a depressant and will make will you feel worse in the long run, although understandably it’s used by many to self medicate and cope with life.
You seem to have a lot of regret about your past which can be stressful to continue thinking about and dwelling on. Easier said than done i know, but try to stop dwelling on your past actions, you can’t change what has happened in life.
Would you speak to a counsellor and maybe a financial advisor of some sort? A counsellor could help you to make peace with your past and maybe you need to speak to someone about how to manage your debt going forward. I’m not an expert so am unable to offer much advice other than would going bankrupt be an option? I know this means you would lose your business you have worked hard for, but some of the debt could possibly be written off and make feel less of a burden. I know bankruptcy comes with other issues e.g affecting your credit score etc and may not be the best option.
Another option if you have it in you, is to see if you can consolidate the debt and set up a payment plan and try and make your business work again.
Good luck with your GP.
 
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wheredoistart2021

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2021
Messages
2
Location
North east
Thanks for the reply, I have a few things in the pipeline to tackle the headaches just need a little boost which hopefully the doctor will help again.

I am generally a very social person so the pub is a big part of my life, however I need to get my life and mind in a better place before I contemplate having a drink. As much as my mind is good in company (takes my mind off things), its when I get home the bad mental place kicks in. Hopefully I can get the motivation to get fit again as well.

Little steps
 
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