Mom Has Left the Building

Groot

Groot

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#41
Now let me tell you all little something about cops and cigarettes. Cops give me cigarettes in jail. For free. Even though that is strictly forbidden. You want to why cops give me cigarettes in jail? Probably not for the reasons you imagine.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#42
Geez you have been though a lot Groot. I feel like a bad person though. I hope your court battles go in your favor. I find it admirable that you can care about your mom so much. I'm sorry that one psychiatrist said that you would need to be institutionalized for your whole life. Some times I think that would be best for me. I'm glad you had one good psychiatrist. How are you getting along with your current one? Anyway sorry this is about your mother dementia. How much longer does she have? :hug:
 
Groot

Groot

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#43
Let me tell you something Fubar. WHEN I go back to the east coast... ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. IF and when I ever return to New York.... well let us just pray together I NEVER go back because you have no idea how ANGRY I WILL BE
 
Groot

Groot

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#45
I'm good. Groot is ALL good. Groot just needs some sleep now. Groot need a nap. Hugs, kisses, lullabies gimme hugs n kisses baby
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#46
Good night Groot. Sleep well. I think I will log off too. I just got done checking everything. :hug:
 
Groot

Groot

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#47
Sorry for my ignorance but why would you be angry?
Because it is WRONG and UNFAIR my mom should die this horrible way. And leave me all alone in this sick cold cruel world. That is why if I go to NY to visit her, I will become ANGRY AF and take my anger out on everyone. Whether they deserve it or not. They WILL FEEL my pain and furious rage, Fubar.
 
Groot

Groot

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#48
Coping skills Groot. Coping skills. That is what your last therapist warned you about, like when the cops surrounded the house and you had self harmed to the point of nearly bleeding out... without getting too graphic, my bathroom tile floor looked like a crime scene.

She said, Coping skills Groot. You have NONE. You punish yourself harshly for things that are completely out of your control.

I'm glad you called me before the cops kick in your door and blow you away. I'll tell the cops to back off and leave you be. You just need someone to talk to. That is all. Sing you a lullaby maybe? If that will help ease your anxiety and rage maybe?

So a cop handed me his cell phone through my busted glass bedroom window and I called her and Groot was all good again.

PS: My thanks and apologies to that police officer, whoever he is. Never got his name or badge number. Anyway thanks for not killing me officer, and sorry about the blood stains I left on your cell phone that day.
 
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Seachad

Seachad

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#49
Coping skills Groot. Coping skills. That is what your last therapist warned you about, like when the cops surrounded the house and you had self harmed to the point of nearly bleeding out... without getting too graphic, my bathroom tile floor looked like a crime scene.

She said, Coping skills Groot. You have NONE. You punish yourself harshly for things that are completely out of your control.

I'm glad you called me before the cops kick in your door and blow you away. I'll tell the cops to back off and leave you be. You just need someone to talk to. That is all. Sing you a lullaby maybe? If that will help ease your anxiety and rage maybe?

So a cop handed me his cell phone through my busted glass bedroom window and I called her and Groot was all good again.

PS: My thanks and apologies to that police officer, whoever he is. Never got his name or badge number. Anyway thanks for not killing me officer, and sorry about the blood stains I left on your cell phone that day.
Yeah. Life's a b*tch, ain't it? Sounds as if I've more coping skills, but even mine get sorely tested, some days. Today's one of 'em, but I'm managing. I'll manage. I will. Because I say I will. So I will manage, and that's that.

FWIW, I'm glad she called you, too, man. The rage gets to be overwhelming, it can do some f'ugly things to a body. Same with the fear. And both, at the same time, well...

Odd thing about cops. For all that some of them are utterly vile, then you'll come across one who completely gets it, and can be absolutely golden. Occasionally which are which won't be the ones you'd think.
 
Seachad

Seachad

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#50
I can imagine quite a few very different reasons. Very few would surprise me. What're yours, since you raise the subject? *g.*
 
Groot

Groot

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#51
Guess it's pot luck, luck of the draw when it comes down to cops eh Seachad. I've had loaded 9mm cop Glocks pointed at my chest on 3 different occasions. But they didn't pull the fuckin trigger.

As for when the cops surrounded my house.. wasn't any real need to get confrontational when I wasn't threatening anyone.

I just needed someone to talk to. Someone I trust. That is all it took to diffuse the situation. Why ramp things up to maximum overdrive when all the person in distress really needs is someone to talk to right? Someone calm. Somebody they trust. So the cop did the right thing when he handed me his cell phone through the window and I called my therapist. And she said to the cops... please, drive off. Leave Groot be. He just needs a little time to wind down with me. No need for anyone to die today.

God bless her heart for that. 10 or 20 minutes on the phone with her and I laid down on the floor and fell asleep like a lil baby. In the morning I was good as new.

I can't say that approach will work for everyone.. but with certain people... in manic or psychotic episodes... all they really need is someone they trust in their corner and they will maybe chill.

But most cops... all they seem to understand is Raw AGGRESSION. They get off on violence and bloodshed and brutality. It's an adrenaline rush for them. Honestly I think cops orgasm whenever they kill the mentally ill
 
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Seachad

Seachad

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#53
Guess it's pot luck, luck of the draw when it comes down to cops eh Seachad. I've had loaded 9mm cop Glocks pointed at my chest on 3 different occasions. But they didn't pull the fuckin trigger.

As for when the cops surrounded my house.. wasn't any real need to get confrontational when I wasn't threatening anyone.

I just needed someone to talk to. Someone I trust. That is all it took to diffuse the situation. Why ramp things up to maximum overdrive when all the person in distress really needs is someone to talk to right? Someone calm. Somebody they trust. So the cop did the right thing when he handed me his cell phone through the window and I called my therapist. And she said to the cops... please, drive off. Leave Groot be. He just needs a little time to wind down with me. No need for anyone to die today.

God bless her heart for that. 10 or 20 minutes on the phone with her and I laid down on the floor and fell asleep like a lil baby. In the morning I was good as new.

I can't say that approach will work for everyone.. but with certain people... in manic or psychotic episodes... all they really need is someone they trust in their corner and they will maybe chill.

But most cops... all they seem to understand is Raw AGGRESSION. They get off on violence and bloodshed and brutality. It's an adrenaline rush for them. Honestly I think cops orgasm whenever they kill the mentally ill
Most cops are adrenaline junkies. And, well, cops have a really high tendency toward having control issues. Basically, they tend to feel the need to control everything and everyone around them. Most cops, that is. I've known some really good cops, who didn't have those issues.

Add to that the bunker mentality that many of them are prone to (they get this idea that everyone who's not a cop hates them and that they're battling to save the 'civilians' from the 'bad guys' while the clueless 'civilians' are hating them, always hurling insults at them, and trying to spit upon them...it gets pretty weird. (And I'm not exaggerating. I've worked as support staff for state-level law enforcement. I've seen the stuff they have posted on their internal bulletin boards and in the magazines you have to send in proof you're a cop to get a subscription to.) The other two components to that are a high percentage of religious zealotry ("We work for God, and are doing his work!" hence anything they do is justified via divine mandate, and breaking secular laws and regulations doesn't matter ("We don't have to worry about the law. We are the law")) and a conviction that "Everybody's dirty." Hence, if they 'bust' someone for something they didn't do, it doesn't matter, because of course they're guilty of something else they haven't been caught at, so it's all justified in the end, anyhow. So it's okay to falsely arrest someone, because if they're not guilty of what they did 'bust' them for, they're guilty of something else they haven't been 'busted' for. "I can tell, just by lookin' at 'em. I can smell it on 'em." There's a reason the suicide rate, and the divorce rate among cops is so high as it is. The recent trend toward viewing themselves as a sort of domestic military force hasn't helped a bit, either.

Then there are the exceptions. I've met intelligent, reasonable, compassionate cops, who'd surprise the living hell out of you. And, occasionally, even the ones I'd swear would be the bad sort will suddenly pull a 180 and do something astoundingly compassionate. People aren't two-dimensional.

But yeah. Generally, most of the cops I've encountered and worked around are more like junkyard dogs -- suspicious, sometimes a bit sleek, but show the least bit of nervousness or fear, and they'll be after you, howling and barking. Challenge them, and they'll attack, going for the throat. And once they're chasing you, they don't tend to think, much. It's all about the chase and bringing down their prey at the end. They tend to view themselves as something between warriors and predators, and the rationalization and self-justification can be...rather remarkable in the extremes they carry it to.

Mentally ill tends to equal "Crazy," and "Crazy" = "Dangerous." "Dangerous" = "Danger to the public and to public order," so if the mentally ill person becomes a "problem," they have to be "taken down," by any means necessary. And to many cops, that's an excuse for violence or killing. After all, everyone knows those "Crazy" people are unpredictable. Better to put a round or three into them, just to be on the safe side. You can always justify that, by saying you thought they were going to attack / were attacking you, and you felt threatened. Public Affairs will point to their psych history, and it'll all be good for the press. Internal Affairs will clear the shooting.

We don't live in the world as it should be. We live in the world that is. It's always important to remember that.
 
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EstherRose94

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#54
Maybe your mom pushed you so you could reach your potential. Regardless of course it’s not just Stockholm syndrome. She might have been a dysfunctional parent but she’s still your mom. It’s normal that you have a love/ hate for her, but both sides can be true at once. I know someone mentioned music. She might not be as verbal now but it doesn’t mean you can’t connect. And you have every right to feel lost and angry but at the very least try to be kind to yourself. You should be proud for stepping up to the plate to take care of your mom. Doesn’t matter whether she “deserves” that from you or whatever. It speaks to your character. Which it sounds like the judge saw too; she said to not let her see you again because you don’t belong in the legal system, especially not with people trying to stab your eyes out 😳