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MN Guide: How to… Make a Borderline Personality Disorder

firemonkey

firemonkey

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Aug 12, 2008
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For the ongoing success of psychiatry, I have come to realise that we are potentially likely to become ‘employably challenged’ if we actually ever do “cure” people. So I think it utterly necessary to find new ways of sustaining employment in Psychiatry.

Here begins the first in a series of How to… guides that will equip us to provide a prolific future of “service users”

[I'm taking the piss, just in case it needs pointing out].

Beginning with the most contrite of Mentals I will teach everyone how to make your very own Borderline Personality Disordered patient.

Ingredients:

One moderately messed up kid.*

[*Usually found growing wild in low socio-economic groups +/or highly oppressive parental/societal regimes. Genetically modified versions can be artificially produced by inducing severe or chronic trauma - especially when placed in 'safe' government hands]

Method:

Add neurotic +/or oppressive parents.

[In the absence of parents - a neurotic government agency will often suffice, and indeed can produce preparations that often surpass the quality of the home grown variety.]

Mix well.

Add in some variegated government agency workers. For best results - use “Nearly Retired” or “Burnt Out” or “Power Trip” - or a mix thereof.

It is recommended that the ‘parental’ [oppressive control] be kept on top of the kid and that if any particle of kid emerges through the mix, it immediately be covered over with liberal amounts of government agency [Tip- Power Trip is usually best for quick coverage over large areas].

Once effectively mixed, there will be no sign of the kid and a good mix of everything else sitting on top. The mixture on top will tell you what kid looks like and how it is going.

Cover and place in a dark place for several years.

Once the kid looks to have ‘matured’ to adult age, remove the upper mix and set aside for repeat use on another ‘kid’. Replace upper layer with an identical yet completely different and slightly more oppressive upper layer and mix in the same method upon the young adult.

Cook using the ‘invalidation’ method: Rotating the mixing bowl, repeatedly irradiate invalidation through the top layer. This causes the mixture on top to become heavy upon the adult and increases the pressure until kid begins to solidify - or ‘harden’.

Best methods for ‘invalidation’ are (based on EBP) - dismiss any emotional pain disclosed; give strange rules and limits for no particular reason that no one else has to follow; allow as many others to make decisions about adult as possible; listen intently to disclosures of childhood trauma then never go back to discuss again having safely documented the ‘collateral’ in the notes; teach to resolve all emotional difficulties by instilling with mind-numbing drugs; learn to “tut”, roll eyes and sigh loudly when adult looks to be leading to or having an ‘emotional crisis’; refer to the person as a “PeeDee”; recognise that the PeeDee has extreme difficulty in relating to others, extremes of emotion and dealing with impulsive emotionally driven behaviour - and then insist they stop being that way.

Once the hardening process is complete* you can remove the upper layer (may be used again for several young adults).

*Hardening is considered suitably complete when adult is repeatedly wishing to commit suicide +/or self-harm.

Turn out the young hardened adult onto the street for several months. (Don’t worry -the oppressed invalidated adult will return to you for appropriate icing).

When adult returns, check the hardened exterior. If any signs of cracking then invalidate some more until completely hardened throughout.

Encourage adult to be left alone for as long or as often as everyone else thinks necessary.

To avoid the adult preparation losing it’s freshness; frequent brief episodes of repeat ‘invalidation’ should be continued at regular and random intervals with a healthy dose of government agency involvement on each occasion.

http://www.mentalnurse.org.uk/index...ow-to-make-a-borderline-personality-disorder/
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
"To avoid the adult preparation losing it’s freshness; frequent brief episodes of repeat ‘invalidation’ should be continued at regular and random intervals with a healthy dose of government agency involvement on each occasion."

- How true
 
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