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mixed

loulabelle

loulabelle

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Hi guys im fucked up my mood is fucked. Im fucked no one likes me i have no friends im out i was fucking hi now i want the ground to swallow me and kill me ive had enough
 
calypso

calypso

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Oh Loulabelle, I am so sorry. I know mixed states and cycling moods. Can you get any sleep tonight? For some reason, for me, weekends make me worse, is that the same for you?

Please try to sit it out and let the mood ebb slowly. This fucking illness! Don't forget the Samaritans if things get too bad, they are quite good at times. Please stay safe tonight. xxx
 
loulabelle

loulabelle

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Im in bed now gonna try sleep if not ill take temazepam. I hate feeling like this i cant take it why what did i do so wrong for everything to be so bad for my moods to be like this my feelings and foughts. Me. I pushed my friends away and now i feel more alone then ever i feel like i have nothing my life is just going bad like mold. I hate that earlier i was happy and laughing and flying high now im in a grave pit trying to climb out. Maybe sleep will help
 
prairiechick

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Mixed episodes totally suck. I don't think it's you yourself that pushed your friends away, it's this damn bipolar disorder. I know I can be a royal fucking pain in the ass sometimes too, it's what bipolar does to you, and It sucks. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly right now. Maybe take that temazepam, eh. Sometimes a good night's sleep can do a world of good, even if it is a drug-induced sleep. You gotta do what you gotta do, eh. Take care.
 
loulabelle

loulabelle

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Bad night i woke after 2 hours bevause i could hear very loud fast foughts u tryed to sleep but it was so intense nd so confusing and awful at 3 in the morning i felt like pulling my hair out. I took some quetiapine and eventualy they quietened and i must have drifted off it was a restless night. Today happy and now sad ive felt spaced out and disconected since this afternoon im so tired worn out mentally its a struggle i know the symptoms from the bipolar make me act strange but bipolar is part of me so maybe it is me it feels like my fault... I dont like it im fucking everything up everyone is getting sick of me. I just feel like running.away from people and just being on my own then i can only hurt and annoy myself... What do u do with yourself when ur like this !!!
 
calypso

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Think exactly the same as you! I drew a picture for my therapist showing a single room, complete with bed, cooker, loo everything. (Loo is sectioned off LOL), and it is my imaginary place I would like to live. Alone. As you say, it a place I can't hurt others and they can't hurt me. Its not going to happen, but its a nice place to go in my head.

As for the racing thoughts, I'd do the same as you, take chemicals to help with it. All the talk of meds are no good is fine, but when you are being tortured like that, sod it, take them. But they are a short term solution, can you find out what may be triggering you? That is something I am trying so hard to sort out in my life, but at least I am trying - with limited results so far. xxx
 
loulabelle

loulabelle

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Ive been unwell for too long now my medication only works so far. I have no job as i cant work so im on benifits and i get looked down at because of this i live at my parents but have no bedroom i sleep on a put up in the loft which is my dads office no wardrobe or anything i have to go through thete room to acess it which is awkward when home late or ill or need the loo in the night my relationahip with my dad is strained and he is sick of me living here i cant pay rent as i have no money he says this id ok for now but says different behind my back i have no friends because i pushed them away no support from friends as there are none i have lots of triggers dam my life if i could click my fingers and be dead and no one gets hurt then bye bye lou . Sliding there
 
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bert tomato

bert tomato

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You are experiencing real life pains that seem to go hand in hand with the mental health problems. It is a double, probably triple whammy.

I have seen that life can be great, it can be miserable, but it is worth hanging in there and wait for the good times again.
 
loulabelle

loulabelle

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I havent had normal good times in 2 years i have good times while high with awful concequences. I feel like a ticking bomb at the moment self harm urges coming back. My life feels like a train crash. Its shitty... Triple wammy yes... Sometimes i feel like a coil which is gonna unravel at any minute i feel chaotic and confused.. Had appt with cpn she said to call more often uf i neef to vut so hard to pick up phone ......
 
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