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Mixed episodes are scaring me

J

juliaw

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
17
Hi bi*ches!

I haven't been online for about a year now, which is good couse that means life's been pretty calm for almost a year.

Now I just wanna write a couple of words about my experience with a mixed episode. For your information, mixed episodes is a manic/hypomanic episode with depressed tendencies, or a depressed episode with manic/hypomanic tendencies, or just a super-mix of both.

I'm right now experiencing a very mix between a super elavated mood, much less need for sleep, creativaty and self disgust, self harming, worrying etc. It's sometimes both at the same time, and sometimes it shifts from one to the other.

A week ago I tried to kill myself when I was under the influence of alchohol (I have to point out that I've never really tried before, and I've never harmed myself before). I self-harmed and I was rushed to the hospital. It wasn't a super close call, but I lost consciousness for about an hour and that fact scares me. I feel like I showed a really classical mixed episode since I remember them stitching me up and I was trying to convince them of how happy I was and that I loved life.

This is so scary, because I feel like I'm loosing control totally and that under the wrong influence and in the wrong moment I could do something really bad to myself and to others.

I'm not in hostpital because I have great parents who offered to look after me. But ofc, I'm seeing a doctor soon, (don't have a regular couse I just moved from Berlin). I'm just really confused about this, since I am feeling so great right now. I'm super inspired by my art-project and I just saw a friend of mine for drinks etc. but at the same time I have this fucking stitched up wound on my left arm. The fuck is wrong with me? I just feel like a total loon.

Well, all I wanna do is provide you with some crazy ass story and perhaps see if anyone recognizes this... It might not at all be unusual, I don't know, I'm not very well read up unfortunately.

Ok, so. Cheers!! Sorry bout the language and the spelling :LOL:
 
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Faylen

Faylen

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2015
Messages
372
Location
England
Hi julia

I have been like this too - so you are not alone!

It is scary feeling out of control and swinging back and forth it can be very confusing

I am sorry that you got to the point of hurting yourself - alcohol can just be enough to set us over the edge.

Atleast you have that support network in your parents and a positive safe environment to be in - I would definitely speak with your doctor about what your experiencing and try to avoid any triggers (highs or lows) as much as possible while your still feeling mixed.

I know its difficult when your thoughts are changable but you are definitely not alone or a loon!! :)

Big hug keep updating when you need to xxx
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi julia. Mixed states for me are very uncomfortable. I myself do not drink alcohol exactly because it can cause such troubles.
 
Faylen

Faylen

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2015
Messages
372
Location
England
Hi Julia,

Thought I would pop back and see how are you getting on?

xxx
 
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