Sunshine after the rain
- Jan 3, 2019
Hey, every now and then I get really anxious feelings to the point I can't talk at a normal level and feel like everyone is judging me when they look at me. I lose all confidence in myself. It can happen out of the blue or there can be a slow build up. It can last for a short amount of time or for ages This week I've been very emotional, have struggled to be around people and to leave my house. The closer it gets to time do work the worse I get. However, usually I try to hide it and keep myself busy but I couldn't, I was breaking down in tears in work when someone spoke to me, I was having palpatations and every part of me was telling me I can't do this I need to get out I need to leave. I couldn't, and didn't, do my job and I came off as simply not bothering to because I didn't feel like it. I tried to explain the next day but I feel like I wasn't believed by my colleagues (In the past I've asked for help in regards to something and after a while people stopped and actually made it a situation where I had to do the thing I needed help with and I heard them talking behind my back saying they think I was only doing it for attention and they didn't believe me and saying other stuff which wasn't so nice) since then I've heard whispers again which only makes me feel worse and more anxious. I find it hard to talk about these feelings with someone so doing it took a lot of effort and courage from me but now I feel I've made it worse by doing so and don't know how to act in work. Inside I'm a mess and outside I'm trying to out on a facade like I'm fine. Of course that's making people think I was only being silly and rude/lazy because I've "had too much of a difference in a few days". I've thought of getting help from a doctor too many times to count but can't bring myself to call them but I feel like, I'll never be believed unless I have medication to prove it. What am I supposed to do?