Mind splurge about suicide - triggering

M

Maisiemoo

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Joined
Nov 1, 2018
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#1
Suicide. Suicidal thoughts. They are words you hear so much when dealing with depression, anxiety or pretty much any mental health issue. Every time you google something you’re feeling just so you can try to feel less alone. Almost every time you have to go to speak to your dr/therapist/naturopath/insert specialist title here. I’m not sure if I could be classed as suicidal. On my way to see Katie; the natrupath this morning. I was thinking about what it would feel like to do certain things to harm myself. I’m not so comfortable with the idea of overdosing, because I feel that would take longer and I don’t fancy being really sick. I think probably because I take so many pills on a regular basis anyway I can imagine what it would feel like to overdose. Being hurt in other ways is a little bit harder to imagine, hence easier to swallow?

I picture these things because they help me feel like there is a way out. The only definitive way to stop feeling like my head is about to explode. Like I want to tear it off.

When anyone asks me how do I feel. I want to punch them. I want to scream. How do they not know that there aren’t words to explain? Regardless of enough time either, I don’t have it in me to try to make my mouth make the right shapes to help someone understand.

Then, if anyone truly understood how I felt, and possibly if they loved me enough, maybe they would save me the effort.

I don’t think I’ll kill myself. But I do believe this depression will kill me. Does that still count as suicide? Death by depression?

At least that sounds less selfish
 
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R

Rebeca1

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Jul 6, 2017
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#2
Please read how to survive after death in hearing voices forum incase you do, please don't! try ringing the samaritans if you feel that on edge. Hang in there be strong, I've had depression but it did passed, its horrible I know.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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#3
Hi and welcome to the forum! :welcome:
Remember these are only thoughts. They are not going to harm you - only you can harm you.
I have been through what you have described and it is possible to come through this.
Intrusive thoughts are distressing but you do not have to act on them.
Overdosing is very painful, i have been there and survived and yes it was a painful experience- hence i would not try it again.
As for other methods- nothing is certain and you could end up injured with life changing injuries- again something to avoid.
Talking really does help, message me if you want to talk more.
Hugs
Fox