Might have become a bit obsessed with calory counting

[JohnDoe1]

So I'm feeling pretty ok anxiety and depression-wise (best in 4years, kinda weird really, though I don't really take pleasure in much). Bit worried that I'm getting a bit obsessed with eating, though, or rather analysing how much I eat. I kinda (imagined myself to notice) a bit too much protruding in my abdominal region in November or so, which was likely more bloating than fat. Starting light training thereafter. Have become a bit obsessed with it lately. Counting calories with an app and am hesitating to eat certain foods now. I analyse my belly and sometimes wonder if it's too protruding. The whole thing's rather ridiculous because I'm probably quite underweight (don't have a scale). With training, I can slightly see my abs and without training it much at all my serratus anterior is quite visible, so yeah, I've actually got no fat to spare.
The fu.ny thing is, now that I've had an idea of the caloric intake of my usual foods, I've realised that for a long time during the anxiety and depression, I've probably eaten far below what the usual recommended intake is for a man. Now I'm taking around what a woman should be eating per day but I also walk for an hour at night and train every other days, so that's probably not enough either, though I've never worried about that before.
Maybe it's just a fad.

 

[Acorn]

It doesn’t sound like a fad to me.

Do you have any professional support? It’s impor to catch these things before they get worse

 

[JohnDoe1]

It doesn’t sound like a fad to me.

Do you have any professional support? It’s impor to catch these things before they get worse

No, I'll probably just try to eat a bit more.
The thing is also that my anxiety was/is predominantly health centered and now I'm kinda worried about having liver failure (an occassional worry but hasn't been in the “top 5“ of health worries ) because the veins on my stomach have become quite visible. Then again, I've always been pretty vascular (my arms look like those of a bodybuilder, just not in size ), haven't been eating that much and have been training abs every other day for a bit.

It's just really annoying that this has now become a bit of an obsession because I'm actually eating more healthy now and even more than before (just didn't think much about eating beforehand) and for a short time was feeling kinda, well not allright but more relaxed. And now this actually positive thing (training, eating more healthy) is constantly occupying my thoughts instead of anxiety (might be just a variation of it though, I suppose).

 

[Acorn]

Sounds like a coping mechanism to me. You’ve found something to focus on to take your mind off everything else.

I wouldn’t worry about the vains in your stomach that’s normal at a low weight

 

[JohnDoe1]

Sounds like a coping mechanism to me. You’ve found something to focus on to take your mind off everything else.

Might be because now I basically spend the same amount of time obsessively ruminating on my calorie intake for the day that I formerly spent on my looming/imagined stroke/heart attack/ cancer diagnosis.
Gotta say, it's gotten.a bit worse. I eat more, I'm basically above my calculated necessary calorie intake (TDEE) to maintain weight but then I basically cheated myself and based that on a “sedentary“ activity level which is probably not fitting for my routine (an hour of brisk walking every day,.every other day bodyweigjt training (though rather doodling with that, few pushups, pullups, bit abs), and I scratch the 10 000 steps just by going through my day).
It's kind of ironic, I eat probably more and more regularly than I've done in years but I never really gave my nutrition a thought bit now that I'm eating more but aware of it I'm always hungry, which I never was before with likely fewer calories. Few days ago I had a bit of a fit and overate the whole day on sweets and fast food until my stomach was literally bulging out from bloating. I've just fought with myself against the desire to eat a twix (lost, but added an apple instead of the desired biscuits beside it). I stare longingly at sweets I like in supermarket aisles.

I've also been rather depressed these last two weeks, though last week was worse.

Thinking about buying a scale, which wouldn't be a good idea. Weighed myself in the pharmacy a few days ago - am a bit underweight (though that really has always been the case, just my normal body composition I suppose).

 

[JohnDoe1]

So I've bought the scales and turns out that my BMI is even less than I thought after the pharmacy, there I had like 2kgs more, but was still wearing some clothes and it was during the day. Weighed myself at home first thing in the morning - my BMI would clearly put me in the underweight range.
Decided to.continue training and sinultaneously eat more so that, that's the idea at least, I'll mostly gain muscle. That should also aid me in the training because muscle growth has been there but quite slow (more definition but that'll be the lack of fat too - I can now see every vein in my body). I probably eat 20 percent more than my daily calories before now. I've got this weird craving for sweets now, so they are a good part of that sum. Curious really because I was never really hungry before and didn't eat more (could that be due to the few bodyweight exercises I do?).

Anyways, seems like the right direction, though I catch myself trying to mitigate the number of calories I'm taking in.even while I'm trying to eat more.

 

[goodgollymiss]

What about making fruit veggie smoothies. Even skinny people can get diabetes, so I would focus more on complex carbs than sugar

 

[george81]

I understand about the counting calories, I've started counting them for about 2 weeks now and have lost quite a bit of weight in those 2 weeks since restricting. Am surprised how rapid it's been. I really do think it's a control thing and giving me something else to focus on instead of the shite things that are going on in my life right now. People keep commenting on my weight loss and I know I look terrible but to be honest I don't care, there's nothing to get better for and no reason to take care of myself. It's nice to know people are here on this forum to talk to should I feel like it and I hope you continue to post on here too and know people are here if you need to vent. I guess everyone has their own reasons why they are not eating properly and it's complex for most people. Please carry on posting and sharing your thoughts and people will try and help you best they can. Look after yourself x

 

[JohnDoe1]

I understand about the counting calories, I've started counting them for about 2 weeks now and have lost quite a bit of weight in those 2 weeks since restricting. Am surprised how rapid it's been. I really do think it's a control thing and giving me something else to focus on instead of the shite things that are going on in my life right now. People keep commenting on my weight loss and I know I look terrible but to be honest I don't care, there's nothing to get better for and no reason to take care of myself. It's nice to know people are here on this forum to talk to should I feel like it and I hope you continue to post on here too and know people are here if you need to vent. I guess everyone has their own reasons why they are not eating properly and it's complex for most people. Please carry on posting and sharing your thoughts and people will try and help you best they can. Look after yourself x

Thanks.
I've just weighed myself after one week - I've lost 0.3kg. How? I've been eating a few hundred calories more per day (though I still catch myself trying to restrict foods, either in view of my daily total or in favour of certain times I like to eat more, like eating less throughout the day so I can have a bigger dinner/evening snacks). Still, bit weird.
Then again, with water retention depending on carbohydrate intake, changing physical demands, etc., weight's naturally gonna fluctuate. And it's not like I've been heavy-set before, I might weigh a bit less (BMI underweight) but I've always been thin although eating a normal amount of food, so I've got a fast metabolism I supposw.