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Mid forties started self harm

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Rolandrat

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Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
169
I have been diagnosed with ptsd, have times of acute anxiety, agitation, flashbacks of the traumas, I have over the last year become reclusive, only going out to take child to school. I am consumed with thoughts of self harm, the minute I'm on my own I give into my urges, when family home think about it all the time. Dreading the summer, scared my kids will find out and gutted about the mess I've made but just can't stop. Currently on antibiotics for infection. Struggle to find support for self injury that is not aimed at adolescents, can't divert my thoughts from thinking awful ways to self harm its my only way to calm down.
Sorry for the ramble
 
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SadSoul

SadSoul

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2015
Messages
71
Roland Rat, i loved Roland Rat. I'm don't self harm but i do most days want to die so i think that is similar. I don't know how to stop thinking about death and so i don't know how you would stop self harming. I think what i do is do things that make me feel at peace and that helps. My gran had bad feelings like i do and she used to pack a packed lunch and take the children for long walks through fields and tire them out, tire her out, and this would help her. This is the perfect time of year to be outside, to sit on the grass and watch the children play, and think about what is in your head that is making you feel like this, or if that is too painful, trying to think of everything you have that is good, and that you are good, and that you can leave the past where it belongs. Easy to say leave the past in the past, trust me i know that, but being in the present, mindfullness, that seems to be the way to get through. It's just an idea, but if you feel like selfharming or think about it, do something and really do it mindfully. Unpacking the shopping, smell and feel everything. I might sound stupid here, but it works for me.

I hope you manage to stop or do it less. I suspect it will always be in your head but at some point to will regain control and not act on those thoughts.

Be kind to yourself

Sad x
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

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Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
914
Location
Lincolnshire
Hey Rolandrat,
You are not alone - I'm late thirties and I think about s/h in one sense or another almost constantly. I try to lead a normal life for my kids - I get up to take them to school but most days either the depression, anxiety or s/h thoughts send me back to my safe place which is my bed.
I do have a distraction list, which does help a little - it's a list of little things I can do for 5-10 minutes to take my mind off things - can be anything you like, take a bath, listen to music, eat cake, go for a walk, go take a photograph of nature. Anything short and sweet and do able for you - then when the urges take hold go through your list one by one.
I hope this helps, even a little x
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hello Rolandrat

Welcome to the forum. :welcome:

I think you will find members here who understand what you are going through and who will provide advice and support, like SadSoul and Sparklypurplepaws.

Have you had any treatment or therapy for the PTSD? Even if you have, maybe it is time to go back to the doctor and say you really need more help?

I hope you will find the forum interesting and useful.

Best wishes, Sarah
 
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echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Hi Rolandrat
Welcome to MHF, so sorry you are struggling with ptsd, anxiety, agitation and flashbacks - that is a lot to be dealing with, so please don't beat yourself up about the SHing. I too am in my 40s and only started SHing a couple of years ago. I wondered why I had managed to get to this age and manage perfectly well without it, but sometimes a combination of issues can push us over the edge and SH is a release.

You mention that you are on antibiotics for infection, would I be right in thinking this is linked to your SH and if so, is your GP aware of the situation? Please consider talking to your GP if you haven't already, they may be able to suggest courses of action that might help you. You are correct in saying that most SH sites appear to be aimed at youngsters, however this site might prove helpful for you
Adult self-injury | LifeSIGNS
also might be worth taking a look at the mind website, they have useful information and articles.

Hope this helps, keep reaching out here and talking. You are not alone.

kind thoughts
Echo
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
Hello and welcome to the forums. This forum is a wonderful place and i'm confident that you will makes friends and not have to deal with your problems alone. We are here for you :)
 
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Rolandrat

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
169
Amazed

Hello and welcome to the forums. This forum is a wonderful place and i'm confident that you will makes friends and not have to deal with your problems alone. We are here for you :)
I've never used a forum and don't know if I've got this reply right. Thank you so much for the wonderful words, I feel so sad about things. Yes my GP is aware and the infection is due to SH. GP has been wonderful over the last year and has kept me from going over the edge, totally frustrated and fed up with mental health services, I've been waiting 4 months for therapy to restart (EMDR). Can't believe how SH has become my friend and at times I sit and look at the mess I've made but I feel comfort at the same time.
thankyou thank you for the words, I'm soaking up what I can fit in
 
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khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
888
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I used to SI and haven't done it for years. I use this link to help me and I think it could be useful to you as well.

bus

It's a forum and the people there are all supportive and will be able to relate to any problems you may have. I hope you give it a try!
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Welcome to the forum. :hi:

I'm sorry to hear about your difficult past and how you're struggling at the moment.
We have a self-harm subforum here, and as the minimum age limit for the site is 18, it's used by adults here who currently or have previously self-harmed.

Just wanted to say that yes, you got the replying right.
As you've not used the forum before, I wanted to share this link with you - Easy guide to getting started on the forum.
If you have any questions about using the site, don't be afraid to ask for help..

Other than that, i'd say dive in and I hope you find it helpful.
 
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Rolandrat

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
169
Now to find a sub forum, the technical challenges are a good distraction for SH. Thanks for suggestions
 
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