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MH Group now feels awkward - advice?

SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I've been going to a mental health drop-in since the beginning of Feb, and i've found it really helpful.
I was just starting to come out of my shell there, by joining in with group discussions and volunteering to play games etc.

Here comes the curve-ball.
A guy that I had a lot of involvement with a few years ago, who ended up triggering a really bad mental health episode came in today to join the group. :BLAH:
It's a long story, but there were elements of emotional/verbal abuse towards me.

I left immediately without saying anything to the group facilitators. I couldn't concentrate on a word they were saying anyway.

I don't want to let him ruin something that was really helping me and that actually got me out of my flat. I don't have any friends and my contact with my parents is limited at the moment.

Has anybody got any advice as to how to deal with this situation?
I will go back, but I feel I need some sort of 'coping mechanisms' (can't think of the right phrase).
 
C

claude

Guest
sounds tricky. My first thought was could you perhaps speak to one of the facilitators ahead of the next group and explain that there is a difficult history there, which you don't want to get in the way of you benefiting from the group, but will probably bring some things up initially and that you might need a little extra support for your next few sessions..

I dunno how the group works so don't know if that's practical but it sounds like the kind of thing you need a supportive person looking out for you while you navigate it.

Otherwise something i often do when i have to face a sitatution i am worried about is i ask myself what the worse case scenario would be, and then i think about ideally how i would want to deal with that and what i would need to do to look after myself. It helps me feel more in control and often the worst possible outcome isn't what happens so it's often easier than i am expecting
 
C

claude

Guest
Also obviously i don't know the situation but if he was abusive towards you then he is the one who should be feeling worried. He is the one who should have to face the consequences. I know that isn't how things work in real life and it will of course be difficult but maybe try and hold onto a little bit of righteous anger! Keep remind yourself that he is the arsehole and you were the nice person and fuck him, you deserve to enjoy your damn group! :)
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Thank you so much for your reply, Claude. :hug1:
I think I will talk to one of the facilitators, i'm not sure if it's possible to speak to her beforehand but I will definitely have the chance when i'm there, as she offers one-on-one chats away from the main group.

And you make a good point about asking yourself what's the worst that can happen and what would be the best way of handling it. I'll have a ponder about it.

I think it was a shock to see him and it made me very nervous; i'm not sure why, maybe because I was scared of him in the past. :shrug:

Thanks again anyway. :)
 
C

claude

Guest
yeah, i think it is fair enough to feel nervous and shocked by him turning up, must have felt like he was invading your space! I have someone from my past a bit like that, whenever i see him i feel sick and get the fight/flight/freeze response even though all the problems was years ago now. I guess it is our minds and bodies trying to keep us safe cause they see this person as a threat because of previous experience
It's really good you are not going to let the situation stop you going to your group though, that takes strength and i hope you are proud of yourself for that
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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No, sorry I can't think of any advice SS.

I would probably just stop going, but I saw you don't want to do this.

Hopefully the advice above is good about talking to the facilitators, this may open more options, and hope it goes well :)
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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So sorry to hear that this has happened, I can understand it shaking you. I would definately discuss with one of the group facilitators next time so they can ensure the group continues to be a safe space for you. As he is the one that was abusive to you if anyone has to leave the group it should be him, not you.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Perhaps you could imagine him in his underwear if he’s there again? Quite a few public speakers use that trick on their audiences if they are feeling a bit nervous...

It does sound like a tricky and slightly unfortunate crossing of paths SomersetScorpio, sorry that your group was disturbed by this dude.
 
exyz

exyz

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Jun 14, 2017
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Hello Somerset,:)

I agree with everyone here. Definitely, speak to a facilitator in private, so that they know the situation. As Cazcat says, this should be your safe space.

Did he just turn up there because of his own MH, or because he heard that you were there? :unsure:

It is unsettling, I agree, and I would not like it.

But don't you leave if you can manage. :hug:

If you can get through the next few weeks my best guess is that he will drop out of the group. He will know that the word will be out eventually that he is an abusive tosser.

Try not to show any reaction to him if you can. Shout here about him, we are on your side here, and keep the thread going too for support. ( And I'm nosey and want a happy ending:D)

You have had enough abusive crap in your life. Time now to allow yourself to survive and to thrive.:peace:

Imagine that you are climbing up a hill with twists and turns on the path, sometimes you stumble or hit a rocky bit, but you will recover your breath. and get to the top, and out into the sunshine.:clap:

He has not control over you now, and do not allow him any. He is just an insignificance on the sole of your shoe.

:hug1:

You however, are a shining star of kindness and goodness.:flowers: Better times to come to you xxx
 
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