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Meth induced voices

M

mkomlofske89

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Portland, OR
Where do i even begin with this! Without sounding completely insane!

Well let's go back to the commencement of my meth use! The year was 2013, tried it a few times and stopped! Well how i wish i would've never tried it because, in 2015, my need for the drug worsened. I was 25 then, 32 now. Moving on to the voices! Unfortunately for me, I never really believed people heard voices since that's not something my family ever experienced! Well little did I know in June of 2018, my own voices which i seriously thought were my neighbors began.

At first, it was small things, comments here and there about being loud, laughing at my stupidity but, once my ex wife determined she wanted a divorce that's when the voices took a turn for the worse. We will call the voices my "neighbors," since that's what I believed for so long due to minor things i remember doing, keep in mind there were times i was so high on meth that sometimes, i remember things so well and other times I'm reminded by said neighbors. Well once my ex wife asked for the divorce, my neighbors went full blown asshole, bringing up my drug addiction, also the porn addiction i picked up. So much so that i started up believe that they were sexually assaulting me via audio frequencies on my phone, on my TV, and somehow magnetically! Insane right? Well my little brain immediately tried to figure out what the hell was going on. I downloaded audio frequency detectors, audio frequency interpretors, audio file recorders, i even found magnets that would spin around dramatically when i felt certain things which led me to believe these things were real. Not to mention the audio files, would spike when i would hear certain things. Sometimes i think back and try so hard to figure out what was happening and always come up the conclusion that my brain was probably making words out of noises if that makes any sense? Things actually worsened when i made the mistake of downloading an app that would transmit high frequencies that i believe may or may not have harmed my actual neighbors dogs but, at that time that's the only thing that would completely quiet all the voices and for a time i was so relieved that everything died down but, my win was short lived.

Once i moved from that apartment complex into another in the great state of Oregon, on my own, that's when i attempted suicide number 2 & 3. I apologize for jumping around so much but, there is so much i need to share! If it doesn't make sense well again my apologies. Once i had completely moved in, i had been sober for about a month and then relapsed this is where, i have a hard time deciphering between voices and my neighbors. At the time my new upstairs neighbors... Loved to stomp around and literally i felt like they would follow me around somehow when i was high! I tried to make sense of this because there was no way they were that interested in my life! But, one day i downloaded a Bluetooth device finder and the amount of apple watches that were closer to me than my own Samsung watch was eerie. None the less, the car i was driving at that time was brought up on multiple occasions. This is where i really do believe my upstairs neighbors kindve knew what was happening but, I'm not sure to what extent. I was driving a rental BMW at the time and the first time something was mentioned i was sitting in the car and a girl passing by very loudly says "meth!" Of course I immediately looked up at her and she turned her head and started laughing. The second time was when i was supposed to return the rental and had, had a phone conversation with my father explaining that but, ended up keeping the car for longer than i thought. All of a sudden i hear "did you steal the BMW? How the fuck did you pay for it. You're gonna go to jail." Now that's when i started laughing because obviously, the misinformation threw me for a curve ball since, i don't believe my own voices would get information like that wrong? Well in any case after that the neighbors got worse and would stomp around and do outrageous things well so i think.

There were a few times where, actually a number of months where i kept hearing multiple people say "get out," "we don't want to be next to a drug addict." So i would unfortunately go and seek my ex wife and always came back home and things would be calm but then worsen as soon as I started using again. Well, let's fast forward to the 2nd attempt at taking my life kindve, while I'm sitting in my tub, crying, it was as though a playback of my first suicide attempt was being played back to me and at the end of it i hear a woman say "take the pills," now when i heard that i don't remember my reaction but, that's when my perception of reality blurred. I kept dealing with it since of course everyone from my ex wife to my family instilled it in my head that it was just the drugs and i was just hearing things. This went on for months. Now let's skip forward to my 3rd suicide attempt, this is where... I get exceptionally emotional.

I had just gotten extremely high and these voices basically brought me down to again a point where i just didn't want to be around. So i went home, blocked the door with a huge table top, turned my phone off and took an overdose and locked myself in my walk in closet. As i was gasping for air, i literally believe i probably should've died that day. In the midst of all that, my brain or someone started talking of course it was my ex wife at the time telling me basically everything that i ever wanted to hear as far as her still being in love with me etc etc it was literally a movie in my mind. I honestly can't tell anyone how long i was in that damn closet for but, as "my ex wife," was about to leave i very... Dramatically crawled out of the closet and opened my sliding door now since i wasn't wearing my glasses and i was also high, i don't know if the person i saw walking away was real or not but, i do remember it being a woman.

After that, i managed to crawl to my trash can and tried puking up all the pills i had just taken. A series of events occurred that evening to where i heard so many things that i just can't sit and type out and a lot of it had to do with my family. Fast forward again to March 2021 i made the decision on moving back home to New Mexico, and also that's another thing "my neighbors," insisted on telling me as well again not sure if it was said voices or my actual neighbors. Well on the drive there, i made the huge mistake on getting high and driving, yes i know it was horrible and dangerous and etc. Well, halfway through my drive a very impactful event happened with the neighbors... I was asked to throw the drugs away and well for some reason I pulled over and did just that, after that i kept he was hearing a woman by the name of "Stephanie," (later clarified her name was Jessica). Talking to me basically saying she had fallen in love with me and etc etc things that now i think back on and tell myself damn you have a very active imagination. But, this voice basically entertained me the entire way home, so much so that i hear this voice on and off i believe and my stupid, emotional, sentimental, sensitive, dumb ass, fell in love with said voice. I mean c'mon! Who in there right mind does that?! No one! The last thing I believe i heard from her was she had a bf or husband and it wasn't easy and she may or may not have a child? Again my perception of reality comes and goes especially when I'm high. Two other things that i always think about are the songs that were playing while she was talking and the fact that she told me that while i was crying over my ex wife or sad she was literally above me "cuddling," with me and there for me even though I didn't know.

In any case the voices have come and gone always a different topic, and sometimes i respond with the most random things and start laughing historically i don't know if it's at my own stupidity or the thought that someone would find me just as funny. But, who in there right mind, would sit there for years... Monitoring my life! No one! That's who! Not to mention when I'm told "stop doing drugs, we've been trying to help you for years, dumb ass! Fucking stupid bitch." Then of course I've heard outlandish stories being told to me about a car i used to own and that this person has it or that they deal with sexual predators and drug addicts more specifically meth users, and finally the fact that well this person idk if it's said Stephanie, isn't supposed to be in love with me. In any case, i am finally going to ask my question!!!

Has anyone else ever dealt with such detailed, outlandish, voices?!?? Sometimes i think they are real other times i believe it's my own voices mixed with these people but, sometimes i just wish i could find out. I don't think i ever real and well the fact that i started getting extremely emotional over someone that i have no idea if they are real or not that's when i had to start ignoring that particular voice.

Also i should mention yes these voices all sound robotic etc or as if they purposely quiet down etc. But, there have been 3 separate times where i have clearly heard a man and either one woman is 2, speaking clearly and sound nothing like the normal voices i hear.

Well there you have it! Congratulations to anyone who gets through this entire thing! I'm just sharing my experience with these voices I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. Sometimes i think i continue to use to just hear the one voice i am always waiting for but, in the process i am really hurting myself and damaging my body and brain even more. Thanks for listening! Please let me know if anyone has ever dealt with something like this and if your voices are inactive and answered any questions you may have had! Having full blown conversations basically telling me I'm a dumb ass and to stop fucking up!
 
EdEd

EdEd

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2019
Messages
3,800
Location
USA
Interesting read.. yea they voices seem intensified when I was high.. they would have full blown conversations with me about quitting pretty much. I winded up quitting.. I hope you're able to stay away from that stuff.. but interesting story man. I hope you're able to maintain a peaceful thinking environment.
 
M

mkomlofske89

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Portland, OR
Interesting read.. yea they voices seem intensified when I was high.. they would have full blown conversations with me about quitting pretty much. I winded up quitting.. I hope you're able to stay away from that stuff.. but interesting story man. I hope you're able to maintain a peaceful thinking environment.
Hey thanks for the reply! I find it hard to stay away but, I'm trying. Some days i overcome, other days i fail and it sucks a lot hurts a lot but, at least I'm not doing as much as i did before. But, i still have a long way to go, i just had to share a portion of my experience and now that i did share it, it doesn't seem so intense.

Thank you, for you kind words though! You keep away from it too and congrats! I hope to be there too some day!
 
jojoe

jojoe

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Thomson, Georgia, United States
I just recently found out that my husband who hears voices was doing meth when he first started hearing the voices. A lot of your story reminds me of what we have been through. He has been put on anti-psychotic (abilify) which may help if he would take them. The only difference is it seems you come back to reality when not on meth and my husband doesn't. Our neighbors spy on him, the law has a device that they are spying on him with and can read his thoughts. They are trying to get him in trouble for doing drugs. The only good thing about this is he is scared to do any drugs because "they" will know. So he is clean but he still believes whole heartedly it's all real.
Now he sleeps all day and all night everyday. Doesn't shower because they are watching. He won't talk about it much or tell me what they say to him. He knows i don't believe its real and anybody would think it's crazy so he lies to his psychiatrist saying he hasn't heard them and he knows it's not real.
Are you taking any medication and if so is it helping?
 
M

mkomlofske89

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Portland, OR
I just recently found out that my husband who hears voices was doing meth when he first started hearing the voices. A lot of your story reminds me of what we have been through. He has been put on anti-psychotic (abilify) which may help if he would take them. The only difference is it seems you come back to reality when not on meth and my husband doesn't. Our neighbors spy on him, the law has a device that they are spying on him with and can read his thoughts. They are trying to get him in trouble for doing drugs. The only good thing about this is he is scared to do any drugs because "they" will know. So he is clean but he still believes whole heartedly it's all real.
Now he sleeps all day and all night everyday. Doesn't shower because they are watching. He won't talk about it much or tell me what they say to him. He knows i don't believe its real and anybody would think it's crazy so he lies to his psychiatrist saying he hasn't heard them and he knows it's not real.
Are you taking any medication and if so is it helping?
Hmmm I have questions, how exactly do you know that the neighbors are sitting on him with a device that can read his thoughts? I would think maybe they have gotten to know him and his lifestyle and vocabulary and we as people are so repetitive with everything we do that anybody eventually call catch on to exactly who you are. I'm not trying to down play your explanation but, is there any reason why they would actually call the cops? I've actually heard that before but, because I'm so stubborn and with salty, i would literally talk back and say "ok go ahead," and well if they would repeat it i would say "is you already called them shouldn't i already be in jail?" Them unfortunately for them in Oregon possession of drug paraphernalia got decriminalized for a certain amount and you had to go to mandatory drug rehab.

There was also a time, omg i will never forget this so. I always heard the sound of a siren, but the siren was always the same it seemed like something you would download via an app and then play. Well it got to the point where i would hear... "This is the Portland police department open up," or "come out with your hand up." Or they would count down from 5 or 3 sometimes and act as if they were going to knock down the front door of my apartment. Eventually i caught on and well, i made it fun where i would just laugh or prepare for entry there were times where i believe the front door did get knocked on but i always made it a point to open the door. Then sometimes it would change to "this is the tualitan police department."

So my advice to him is man up a little no no. He is his own person and people deal with things differently. I hope he fights through it and gets sober, I've been doing meth for 7 years and i just want it to end but, i have come to a very disturbing conclusion that there's one voice particular that I've come really attached to and dare i say started falling in love with something that can or is literally a figment of my imagination, what i find hard is i recently started paying attention to her/him... Hopefully her.. And i feel like it's just hurting me more than anything like my ex wife.

Anyway, i wish you both the best of luck! Don't let him fall into a dark hole where i have been one to many times, honestly i don't know why I'm not dead!
 
Atalose

Atalose

Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Georgia, usa
I tried telling him all the things you said about his theory that the neighbors are spying on him. Trying to convince him he is mistaken or explain how I look at it is absolutely impossible. I have never been so frustrated in my life, it all I can do not to just lose it with him.
When he started hearing the voices inside the house then he decided maybe it wasn't the neighbors. Now its the law and they want him in jail. They hate him he says. I asked why he thought it was the law, because thats who they said they are.
At one time he would leave and drive around for hours. I would just sleep in his truck while he drove. He always done this at night. One night we got home about 3am, I went to sleep. When I woke up at 6am he was gone. He didnt come back until 1pm. I asked where he had been, at first he said he didnt know, he must have fell asleep in his truck. Well that made no sense. I asked when you woke up where were you. He just shook his head. Later he said while he was driving he heard the cops tell him to pull over and get out, get on his knees and wait for them. He said he must have fell asleep while waiting. When he woke up he was down a dirt road maybe 5 miles from home.
Now they tell him to turn TV off and be still and quiet and they will leave him alone so he has been on the couch for months. The voices do not like me even the slightest bit!! Which when he told me that I laughed and said good I don't f***ing like them either.
I don't know how to help him if he won't help himself. He is not even remotely the man I married!
 
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