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Messed-up

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emerald

Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
5
Location
nowhere
Hi all,

I'm a member of another mh site and thought i'd join another one that's more active.
This intro is what I used for the other site, and I'm not a fan of copy and pasting, but I'd only end up pretty much saying this same thing anyway.
Just to introduce myself...
I realised there was something wrong from when I self-harmed in my early teens and took an overdose years later.
It's like I'm two different people, when I'm happy, I'm on top of the world and easily excitable, jumping up and down and shouting with excitement. It's like the smallest things trigger to bring me right down, from things people do or for no reason whatsoever, and I'll just isolate myself in my room and shun my closest friends, I feel like nothing. I've always been paranoid and am generally self-conscious and negative, but when I'm happy, I'll be completely over the top and confident. Last year I ended up pregnant and had an abortion, but strangely, I feel 'blank' about it, I'm not sure as to whether it's related...
I am currently at university, I thought I would finally find happiness here, but it seems I am still fluctuating from being high and low. I don't think I'll ever find happiness. I also have a serious spending problem and continue to self-harm. I also love to go out and drink all the time and am too distracted to do my work.
I have the hottest-temper ever and take a long while to sleep, even when I am extremely tired. I dont know whether I have bi-polar or not, I just don't think it's natural to be how I am.
I'm planning on going to the doctors, although i don't want to straight up say that i think i have bp, as it's too daunting, i'll just say that i have sky-high and rockbottom uncontrollable mood swings and have trouble sleeping.
The funny thing is, I'm probably the most unsuspecting person, the ones that know me have no idea...
 
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laulipop

Guest
:(

It sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment. Im not diagnosed as yet either and am similarly in a bit of a state. I love this forum tho. you get great advice, comfort and support from people in similar situations. if you want to chat at all...feel free im on here quite a lot since I found it yesterday.
keep smiling.....if you can:hug:
 
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emerald

Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
5
Location
nowhere
Thanks laulipop, it's good talking to people who are going through the similar thing, 'cause I can't and don't want to tell anyone I know.
 
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laulipop

Guest
i know what you mean. I talk to my husband about it who also thinks I have bipolar...but he's the only one. He is really supportive etc and I don't know how he puts up with me, but I dont talk to anyone else about what goes on with me and my moods and the crazy things I say and do etc.
What uni are you at? is there any sort of uni counsellor or that sort of thing you could access?
:oops: i forgot to say :welcome:
:hug:
 
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emerald

Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
5
Location
nowhere
I'm not going to say what uni I'm at on public messageboards due to risk of being found out, if you really want to know then I'd message you.
That's good that you have your husband to talk to, who understands and doesn't think any less of you.
I'm going to try and go to the campus doctor's, am absolutely nervous though.
Have you been to see your GP yet?
 
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laulipop

Guest
oops

yes i understand about the putting your uni on message board....it was like a rhetorical question really as in what uni are you at? do they have people you can talk to ? that sort of thing. sorry for the confusion :)
um...it would be good if you could go see the campus doc. I know it's going to take nerves of steel though. it did when I went to the doctors, nearly 2 weeks ago now. I have an appointment with the community mental health team on the 15th june, but things are so bad at the moment, im going to ask my husband to call them and bring the appointment forward if they can.
Is there bipolar or anything in your family history? Some things I have read have said there is a link, but I'm not so sure. I think its more likely u will get it if you have someone related to you that has, but that doesnt mean that you wont get it just because there is no one related to you that has it. does that make sense? I don't have anyone diagnosed in my family, but I think that my mum has had it for years. Im not sure though.
:hug:
 
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emerald

Member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
5
Location
nowhere
No-one has had it in my family, as far as I know, but I highly doubt it. Whether I get diagnosed or not, I'm not going to tell my family, it's not what I want.
I'm assuming it'd be the same system for me about getting an appointment with a guidance counsellor or whoever, annoying that you have to wait so long though. Thanks so much for your advice and support.
 
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laulipop

Guest
it's ok. No worries :)
I'M not going to be passing on my diagnosis (if I do get diagnosed as bipolar) to anyone else either.:redface:
 
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