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messed up

jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
I have not been too well. My nurse (M) has been wanting me to see the crisis team (now known as home response team) for few weeks. She's also mentioned going into hospital often too. I saw her on Friday at 9.30 am and she told me she was getting the crisis team involved. She asked me to wait in another room and then told me they were coming to see me in the day hospital -where I was. I thought this a little weird as they've always visited me at home. I think what had happened was that(M) had already asked them to come the day before when she saw me as the crisis people arrived about 10-15 minutes later. Their offices are about 25 minutes drive away.

I spoke to the two of them at length. I reckon about close to an hour an half. One of the nurses on the team (R) that came, I know from my psychiatric hospital years ago when she worked there. After we finished, they usually ask to speak to each other in private so they can decide if they are going to keep you on and what they will do. I asked (R) if she wanted me to leave, she said, no Jacqui, in a clear cut case like yours - we don't need to discuss anything - we will be keeping you on. She said I was very unwell. I sure as hell felt it!!

The interview was all over the place. I felt so distressed, chaotic and I was feeling extremely anxious. The female nurse told me that she saw changes in my mood many times in the meeting. My moods have been going from all sorts of extremes. Not just highs and lows. Anger, wanting to be violent ( I am most definitely NOT a violent person - I detest violence; nor am I an angry person), irritability, confused, agitated - gosh - on and on the list goes. I couldn't count the amount of times they change in on day!! (R) saw me later that day and I was in a complete mess. I was sobbing and saying that I felt so 'mad (Crazy). I was not normal, I was frightened, I was messed up. Mixed up. This is how I felt and still do. I don't think I've been this bad before. R got me diazepam from my GP. It helped a little.

Another female nurse called (L) came today. She said I was very high. She asked if my thought were racing. They didn't feel like they were to me. She said they definitely were.; that I started to talk about something and I jumped to about 20 other different topics all in a few minutes and finished none lol. She said I couldn't sit still. She told me to be calm today not to get stimulated and to ring anytime of the day or night if I needed.

Tow friends have spent so much time with me this weekend. They've been fantastic. My friend (D) said she was worried sick about me Friday as she said I was not making sense and was really out of it. She's not at all the nurturing type or the worrying type. Dear love her, she rang me twice last night when she left and arrived without warning today and stayed a few hours until (L) arrived. She couldn't believe how different I was today compared to yesterday. My other friend (L) has been brilliant too. She arrived late Thursday last night as she said she couldn't have gone how without checking on me to see how I was. She stayed with me all evening tonight and coming to spend the day tomorrow.

This evening I had another anxiety problem. Maybe a panic attack? I don't know I was breathing very fast, frightened, feeling very strange. - but I am grand now = maybe too grand? It is nearly 5 am and I have not slept yet. Crisis team are coming in the morning. Monday I am to see a Psychiatrist and (R) from the home treatment team).

I can't go into hospital. None of my family are talking to me. (Since I asked my mum to move out) My mum is in Canada and I have a cat and two rabbits that need taking care of. Not that my mum would take care of them anyhow. None of my family will do it. The rabbits need an awful lot of work and attention. I must be out to take care of them.

Sorry for sucha very long post.
Thanks,
Jacqui
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
You dont have to say sorry its nice to hear from you jacqui you take good care
love Frank x:hug:
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Thanks Frank. :grouphug:

See you're up early or maybe you are like me and have been up all night. x
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
I have been up since 1am though I tried to sleep at 5am but couldnt, its very quiet here this morning though x
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Well I guess it is a weekend and everyone is having a lie-in. Just what I had planned to do :/ Ihave the water on to have a shower and then I may lit down on the sofa. Just to rest as the crisis team will be here this morning. How come you couldn't sleep? x
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Just one of those nights, I hope it goes ok wit the crisis team take care Frank
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Thanks frank. Hope you get a wee nap today. I am off to have a shower Have a good day. x
Jacqui
 
N

noodlepixie

Guest
jax
i hope you manage to get some sleep... i think your doing as well as you can you just keep taking one day at a time and slowly slowly things may start to calm and relax and you'll get a breather from it..
 
G

grace68

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
599
Location
yorkshire
its good you got such good friends jax
i hope the crisis team will help, they're supposed to give you the support you need to stay at home.
i have had the opposite problem, ever since i got depressed a few weeks ago, i have just seen my psych.doc once (i see him again on wednesday)
he just restarted my prozac (i'm on lithium as well), but said that 'i wasn't poorly enough for day hospital'.
well the last few weeks have been dreadful. i'm scared to leave the house, i've been in a right old state, even getting a shower is just too much effort- just horrible depression stuff, but the feeling of despair can be overwhelming, and the sick feeling of anxiety thats like a physical pain- that's unbearable.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Jax I hope yo managed to get some rest in the end.I hope the crisis team look after you properly and you don't have to go to hospital.
Take care.
KP
 
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