Mentally exhausted and feel like I’m drowning in my eating disorder

[Chris187]

Hi everyone

I’m really struggling at the min my bulimia has been getting rapidly progressively worse over the last 2 months and I’m just sick and tired of the relentless obsession with food calories weight exercise shame regret remorse self hatred. Feel like the more I try beat it the hard it gets feel like I’ll never be free and I just can’t see a way out at the min... defeated depressed and exhausted

any advise

 

[Tawny]

Chris, i'm so sad to hear that. I know nothing about eating disorders but can imagine how much you are suffering and stuck in a cycle.

Do you have a doctor?

 

[Mary26]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. Chris, I felt that way too, that I'd never get out, until I hit rock bottom and it was like something switched in my brain and I didn't want the eating disorder anymore. I know everyone's experience is different but never underestimate how incredibly powerful we humans are. If you are truly sick and tired of all this pointless self harm, great because that's the first step. For me, the next step was understanding why I got there. Have you done any work with a therapist?

 

[Chris187]

I’ve got a counsellor and a support worker (I’m in supported housing cos I’m a recovering alcoholic) I’ve been referred to eating disorder service and have assessment in December

 

[Chris187]

Chris, i'm so sad to hear that. I know nothing about eating disorders but can imagine how much you are suffering and stuck in a cycle.

Do you have a doctor?

My Gp has been useless I made a referral myself to mental health team and had 3 assessments in last year but they finally referred me to Ed service as it’s been getting rapidly worse

 

[Tawny]

You swapped alcohol for an eating disorder?

So now is the time to swap any type of self-harm, for self-love, self-care, sympathy for yourself, for whatever you have been through or are going through, you deserve so much care and love.

It is time to start to get better, to come to terms with whatever has gone on, to cry, to accept it all, to see the harm it has all done, your past that has lead you to this.

I'm sitting in bed typing this, my cat is in the hallway moaning as 'her' box has stuff in it so she cannot climb in. How dare i put my junk in her cardboard box

I have my own flat now, my cat, my things, my privacy. I spent a couple of years resting, looking after myself, learning how to look after myself, learning what i need. I have made a nice life and i can keep well here.

I hope by next Christmas, you are out of supported housing and are well. It is a frightening thought to be well, as much as it is painful to be unwell, it is a massive leap. The longer i am well, the more i love it. I still have some very bad days, still frightened of being very unwell again, but i manage to keep relatively ok.

December, not too long to go. Any help is going to move you further in the right direction. With each day that passes, you are moving further forwards, you know more, understand more, small steps.

 

[Chris187]

You swapped alcohol for an eating disorder?

So now is the time to swap any type of self-harm, for self-love, self-care, sympathy for yourself, for whatever you have been through or are going through, you deserve so much care and love.

It is time to start to get better, to come to terms with whatever has gone on, to cry, to accept it all, to see the harm it has all done, your past that has lead you to this.

I'm sitting in bed typing this, my cat is in the hallway moaning as 'her' box has stuff in it so she cannot climb in. How dare i put my junk in her cardboard box

I have my own flat now, my cat, my things, my privacy. I spent a couple of years resting, looking after myself, learning how to look after myself, learning what i need. I have made a nice life and i can keep well here.

I hope by next Christmas, you are out of supported housing and are well. It is a frightening thought to be well, as much as it is painful to be unwell, it is a massive leap. The longer i am well, the more i love it. I still have some very bad days, still frightened of being very unwell again, but i manage to keep relatively ok.

December, not too long to go. Any help is going to move you further in the right direction. With each day that passes, you are moving further forwards, you know more, understand more, small steps.

Thank you I really needed to read that. Means a lot!!!

I’ve suffered with my eating since secondary school but it’s definitely come back with a vengeance since leaving rehab in may!

I hope to get to a point we’re I can build a life for myself struggle to see it at the min. But ur message has given me hope at least! X

 

[bpd2020]

Hello Chris. It is so good to hear you are going to get help from an eating disorder. Like you, I was dismissed by GPs. Do not worry because the eating disorder clinic will be the best people to support you through this.

 

[Chris187]

Hopefully they can help cos I’m really struggling. What did they manage to do for u? Do u still struggle with ur eating disorder?

 

[Tawny]

There is hope, always, but it is hard to imagine sometimes. I cannot believe i am still alive, it surprises me every day. It surprises me to be brushing my teeth even, because i couldn't even see the point in those things for a long time.

I'm going to bake a cake later. My heating is on, i am sitting on my bed which has clean sheets. It's amazing

 

[bpd2020]

Hopefully they can help cos I’m really struggling. What did they manage to do for u? Do u still struggle with ur eating disorder?

I had therapy which got to the bottom of my need to eat. I realised I was trying to fill up my empty and lonely feeling. I have binge eating disorder so a different one to you. I have not had the urge to binge for a few years now.

 

[Mary26]

I’ve got a counsellor and a support worker (I’m in supported housing cos I’m a recovering alcoholic) I’ve been referred to eating disorder service and have assessment in December

I'm so glad to hear that. I really hope you get the help you need.

 

[Zero One]

Hi everyone

I’m really struggling at the min my bulimia has been getting rapidly progressively worse over the last 2 months and I’m just sick and tired of the relentless obsession with food calories weight exercise shame regret remorse self hatred. Feel like the more I try beat it the hard it gets feel like I’ll never be free and I just can’t see a way out at the min... defeated depressed and exhausted

any advise

Eat only when you are hungry to when you are comfortable. Brush your teeth often as the acid can harm the tooth enamel