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Mental Issues and the opposite sex

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whiteflag

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
18
Hi everyone

I had posted the thread "Mental Issues - approaching the opposite sex" pretty much exactly a year ago, and I got some good advice from seemingly good people. I have since then seen a psychologist who recognised motor tic disorder, dismissed Tourettes, diagnosed social anxiety and gave me meds for that. He didnt know what to do for ADD and MS, I think he wanted me to deal with one at a time.

Now for the last year I have been unemployed (I have been living on savings) and instead of looking for work, I have spent the last one year wasting my time on the net on useless things. On many days I have been stoned during the day. It is so sad and embarassing to say and to admit this to myself, but truth is I basically lost interest in life.

I met a girl a couple of years back, very accomplished in what she does, and it turned out that she is what I have always pictured my partner (more like soul mate) to be. She has been wonderful to me whenever we have met and chatted over msn etc. We live in different countries.

Last month we became really close after she called me from abroad and told me that she had broken up with someone and this killed me to know that she had been going out with someone. The someone is a friend of mine! She cried on the phone to me, and picked up on the fact that I myself sounded a little down. A couple of emails exchanged between us and she really appreciated that I was there for her to share her emotions with. She said I should do the same anytime with her. BTW she does not know how I feel about her. With my situation as it has been, I have had no guts to tell her that I am so depressed and that I dont do any work or have any income. And this is not necessary unless and until I'd know if she has any feeling for me.

So two weeks ago she called and sensed that I was somewhat down and have been for a while. And WHAM! I broke down and told her that I suffer from motor tics (I couldnt possibly mention ADD and MS, it becomes too much to handle or listen to). Obviously the MT itself was a little much for her. I think she was expecting me to say something like I was feeling low due to a break-up or girl issues or work issues.

Over the next few days I received a text message from her saying that she had been reading abt MT online and it disturbed her, and how have I been able to handle it all on my own without talking to anyone. She asked me what the tics are and I explained them to her. She said that she'd like my reports to show a neuro, to which I said ok. After realising that the reports mention motor tics, MS and urinary hesitancy, I felt severe anxiety and told her that I'll send the reports later after getting a second opinion. Excuse, I know.

Now I have felt so so so conscious that she is imagining me with my MT disorder, and that I go through this everyday. As of very recent, she sends polite messages and always says 'hope u're ok'. It could be my perception, but our conversations are much shorter and a little more formal.

My friendship with her has now has turned into a councellor-patient relationship and this makes me very uncomfortable. We have common friends and I dont know how to face her when I next meet her. I have asked her to keep whatever I have said between us, to which she has said that it goes without saying. Yet I remain paranoid about this.

I had initially planned to get to know her, let her have some feelings for me (if it turned out that way) and then tell her the truth about me and then let her decide what she wants to do. But I think I prematurely opened up too soon and she now knows that I have mental issues. I do know that my work and income situation is important to disclose, but the smart thing to have done was to have let her get to know my personality better, and then tell her my problems.

Now I will never know if this would have materialised into a relationship or even a closer friendship. I am regretting telling her my MT disorder too soon. Especially since she confided in me with her emotional break-up issues, and I dropped a bomb on her.

If you have any thoughts, I'd like to hear them as I've having a lot of trouble with what to think and what to do. Thank you.

(Oh upside - I'm getting a job!)
 
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telemetry9

Guest
It's always been crucial for me to be honest about everything in my life. When we feel we can't disclose everything to someone then perhaps there's a clue to something there.
Being in and looking for a relationship and living with MI is a real challenge as you know. I've been single for nearly 5 years now - the irony being that I am a passionate and romantic person at heart.
It's enough for me to live with the challenges of this illness everyday never mind worrying about another person and all the pressures that entails. They would have to be VERY special and have a fulfilled life and interests of their own.

From my own experience there are also a lot of people who will use people who are vulnerable in all sorts of ways. They might not understand MI at all - and have lots of prejudices and misconceptions. They can see the person as an opportunity rather than a chance to love someone genuinely (and yes I speak from the heart and from my own experience).

I have a feeling now that the only relationships that would work for me (laughing inside); would be one with someone who also had mental illness. It's not that people without MI don't understand - just mostly that they can't. Sounds awful but unless someone truly loves you from their heart then I would proceed with extreme caution and with only friendship in mind.

Protect yourself and your mental health...please.
 
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telemetry9

Guest
Incidentally; I wonder if anyone can relate to how difficult it can to find someone to love if he or she is homosexual?

I'm sure there are people out there who almost find it impossible to find love. The numbers are just stacked against them - finding love heterosexually almost sounds like a breeze; even with mental illness.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
I dont think we ever know how love finds any us gay or sraight love moves in mysterious ways.
 
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