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Mental hospital turns promising mathematician and computer programmer into basically a tortured monkey...

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WorWullie

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Mental hospital turns promising mathematician and computer programmer into basically a tortured monkey...

OK I wrote a program to manage a video store which has had more than ten thousand downloads on download.com. It's free now, and made me NO (and I mean no) money. I put it on sourceforge (where free programs go to pasture). Also whiloe coding years ago my tutor likened my work to a professor - quite a proud moment, but I did do the blood sweat and tears thing as I wanted to make a go of programming but it did me no good as it turns out.

So bang (or boom) I hear voices as the Illumiinati (nice paranoid organisation) or whoever activate my implants and torture me for 15 years now. They even put me in the hospital a load of times to upgrade my implants and stuff and now I'm subject to : brain implants the works, sound and vision devices, throat implant to read sub-vocal (non audible) thoughts, and also and the worst thing - nanobots which are used to electrocute me and cause depression.

Anyone else been thrown on the scrap heap? Perhaps the local mental hospital couldn't face me becoming a success or whatever, I don't know. I'd like to read your thoughts, perhaps I could meet you in person...anyone from Northumberland want to make friends. Most days I'm totally crippled and can't do anything and I've been wishing for death and have the thoughts (yes them).

Thanks for reading.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Sorry you are still suffering Worwullie.

Illuminati generally only do that stuff to famous people under their control, from what I've read, so not sure why you'd think they are doing it to you. I don't think one programme you wrote would be enough, no matter how good it is/was.
 
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WorWullie

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Crumpet - thanks for the reply, which is why I made this thread as I've more or less given up on getting a rich philanthropist to save my bacon with a couple of million LOL.

If say it WAS the Illuminati, what's the point of controlling me, as with the stuff the do like repeated taunts, and depression, it makes future programming impossible? Is that what they want? Me not working?

I don't know if it is the Illuminati, I just used their name as I read a little bit on disclose.tv (yes, i'mm SO lucky to have 10 minutes of reading even though I couldn't finish the article). I prefer text actually.

OK, see you for now.
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

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Crumpet - thanks for the reply, which is why I made this thread as I've more or less given up on getting a rich philanthropist to save my bacon with a couple of million LOL.

If say it WAS the Illuminati, what's the point of controlling me, as with the stuff the do like repeated taunts, and depression, it makes future programming impossible? Is that what they want? Me not working?

I don't know if it is the Illuminati, I just used their name as I read a little bit on disclose.tv (yes, i'mm SO lucky to have 10 minutes of reading even though I couldn't finish the article). I prefer text actually.

OK, see you for now.
Have you considered that there is a possibility you are mentally ill? I mean by that have you considered that you *may* be deluded? Just playing devils advocate here.

Also, can you still do programming? If it's something you enjoy then just keep at it, if anything it should mess up plans (if you are being controlled).

Don't give in. Sorry if this sounded harsh by the way, I'm not trying to sound rude I just talk quite straightforwardly, just the way I am.

It's just hard to understand exactly how you know all this is happening to you.

I have heard though (re: your question "why would they pick me") that that doesn't really matter. If I were the illuminati I'd pick someone who didn't matter so as not to arouse suspicion.

I get the sense you really don't want to accept that there is a possibility you could be depressed or delusional. Do you think that contributes in any way to fuelling all this? That you feel less capable maybe? Again just playing devils advocate.
 
BillFish

BillFish

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OK I wrote a program to manage a video store which has had more than ten thousand downloads on download.com. It's free now, and made me NO (and I mean no) money. I put it on sourceforge (where free programs go to pasture). Also whiloe coding years ago my tutor likened my work to a professor - quite a proud moment, but I did do the blood sweat and tears thing as I wanted to make a go of programming but it did me no good as it turns out.

So bang (or boom) I hear voices as the Illumiinati (nice paranoid organisation) or whoever activate my implants and torture me for 15 years now. They even put me in the hospital a load of times to upgrade my implants and stuff and now I'm subject to : brain implants the works, sound and vision devices, throat implant to read sub-vocal (non audible) thoughts, and also and the worst thing - nanobots which are used to electrocute me and cause depression.

Anyone else been thrown on the scrap heap? Perhaps the local mental hospital couldn't face me becoming a success or whatever, I don't know. I'd like to read your thoughts, perhaps I could meet you in person...anyone from Northumberland want to make friends. Most days I'm totally crippled and can't do anything and I've been wishing for death and have the thoughts (yes them).

Thanks for reading.
Go code an app mate, mass murder in Syria, ice caps melting, no jobs, the seas are full of plastic particles, secret Illuminati global conspiracy, the new cold war .........and how do the public respond? They play angry birds mate!:LOL:
 
W

wellness

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OK I wrote a program to manage a video store which has had more than ten thousand downloads on download.com. It's free now, and made me NO (and I mean no) money. I put it on sourceforge (where free programs go to pasture). Also whiloe coding years ago my tutor likened my work to a professor - quite a proud moment, but I did do the blood sweat and tears thing as I wanted to make a go of programming but it did me no good as it turns out.

So bang (or boom) I hear voices as the Illumiinati (nice paranoid organisation) or whoever activate my implants and torture me for 15 years now. They even put me in the hospital a load of times to upgrade my implants and stuff and now I'm subject to : brain implants the works, sound and vision devices, throat implant to read sub-vocal (non audible) thoughts, and also and the worst thing - nanobots which are used to electrocute me and cause depression.

Anyone else been thrown on the scrap heap? Perhaps the local mental hospital couldn't face me becoming a success or whatever, I don't know. I'd like to read your thoughts, perhaps I could meet you in person...anyone from Northumberland want to make friends. Most days I'm totally crippled and can't do anything and I've been wishing for death and have the thoughts (yes them).

Thanks for reading.
Don't take this as an offense, or affront... reading from this post it does seem that you have some serious issues that need to be resolved ...
1. No such thing as "Implants into the Brain" ... you just have some damn nasty Voices that are making you paranoid into believing such. Since you are a Computer Programmer you should in the first place know that Technology is simply NOT that advanced to make "Brain Implants" !!
2. Writing a Malicious Programme will only in the worst case scenario get you "Arrested" ... not in the Civilized world will you be simply captured and tortured !!
3. Best advice is to seek a more compassionate treatment plan that you can relate to and get the maximum benefit from ... try getting your Psych changed if you are having issues ...

Cheerio !!
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
So bang (or boom) I hear voices as the Illumiinati (nice paranoid organisation) or whoever activate my implants and torture me for 15 years now. They even put me in the hospital a load of times to upgrade my implants and stuff and now I'm subject to : brain implants the works, sound and vision devices, throat implant to read sub-vocal (non audible) thoughts, and also and the worst thing - nanobots which are used to electrocute me and cause depression.

Thanks for reading.
I'm not going to tell you that you are right or wrong, or ill or unwell or even tell you what to think. After all this is your experience, your reality, and you own that, not me.

What I want to ask though is why do you think the voices of the illuminati are talking to you, who do they represent, what are they saying? what is their message? Are they good or bad?

Sometimes it can find years to find meaning through something like this, but when you do, everything makes sense.

For instance, in 2012 I saw a massive UFO and started communicating with Aliens, not through words but through mind reading. they knew my thoughts and knew everything I did. They came across as a protective force, and they choice me, gave me special treatment.

No one believed me when I told them and I ended up on section 2 of the Mental Health Act - put in hospital for 3 or 4 weeks.

Then last year, I began to process what happened, what these aliens represented and everything clicked into place.

And the voices and the hallucination of the UFO was real for me, even though no-one else could see, hear or experience it to validate my experience.

I worked out, with help from Ron Coleman, that the UFO represented my step father who abused me. It came across as protective, but really it was malevolent. They wanted me to keep them a secret and knew that if I told anyone about the UFO I would not get believed, I would get laughed at and seen as crazy. This was because at the time, I was on the cusp of reporting sexual abuse to the police, then this UFO cropped up and prevented me from getting believed again, the same thing that happened to me when I was younger.

Because I was thinking about what happened to me, it caused a trauma reaction which made me hallucinate and see this vision and hear voices. But they weren't crazy or meant nothing, for me it was stemming from my subconsciousness and meant something. For me, it was better to process them after the event, find out what their message and meaning was. Once I learnt this, I stopped frantically searching the sky for another UFO that was going to control my mind.

Having said that, whilst I was experiencing it I find it difficult to process as the UFO wanted me to believe in them, Although they represent malevolence, they were actually benevolent as after my hospital admission, I told my family once more about my step father and this time I got believed by them finally. The hospital admission made my family members step up a gear and start protecting me from him in the way I wanted. So even though these Aliens I experienced talking to me represented my step father, what they really wanted was me to be protected from him, but to make that happen they had to scare me, forced me to become crazy, in order for my family to start addressing what happened to me.
 
D

Dissatisfied

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Often voices purpose is to frighten us for some reason, I've experienced voices in an extreme way on just 2 seperate occassions, 15 years apart, and the intention of my voices on both of these occasions were to send me so crazy that I had no choice but end up getting help. Although their function was to scare and frighten me, underneath they were trying to protect me. So much information and so much meaning I gained from that experience, and still even though the first episode was 15 years ago, I still today am finding meaning of the voices.
 
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wellness

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Often voices purpose is to frighten us for some reason, I've experienced voices in an extreme way on just 2 seperate occassions, 15 years apart, and the intention of my voices on both of these occasions were to send me so crazy that I had no choice but end up getting help. Although their function was to scare and frighten me, underneath they were trying to protect me. So much information and so much meaning I gained from that experience, and still even though the first episode was 15 years ago, I still today am finding meaning of the voices.
Hi !
Keen to know that while your Voices were doing so much Malice to you ... why do you feel that underneath they are helping you as well ...
The only situation this could make send is if you had a mix bag of Good and Bad Voices ....
Where while the Bad ones are going about doing their Malice ... the underneath could be a core of Good ones that may have been helping you ???

Cheerio !!
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
It felt bad at the time, but when it was doing the same thing as an inner critic. An inner critic's true purpose is for protection. When I did voice dialogue with my voices, I realised they had their own feelings and need, for instance, if a voice told me 'don't do that you'll fail' - it seems that the voice is being a bully, but when I write down it's feelings and needs, it has fear of failure, and the need of the voice is to succeed, so it will try to convince me not to try do something because of the fear of failure is greater than the need to succeed. So it's true purpose is not to bully me, but to protect me from failure - this is my inner critic.

When the voices came along, it was very complex as it always is, but each voice had a message. Some were bad and represented the voice of abusers some were good. But each voice, for me, was stemming from my subconsciousness, and my subconsciousness wanted me to survive, where as in reality i was close to suicide. At the time I had decided to kill myself, the voices came along and sent me crazy, but created a distraction from me killing myself, and because they scared me so much I had to seek help, at that time I had withdrawn from anyone and left alone to cope by myself, and I was very close to killing myself, my voices wanted me to survive, and they only they could do that was to send me crazy, so crazy that people would notice and rescue me. So at the time it was the most frightening period of my life, but the voices came into my life as they didn't want me to kill myself, therefore they had good intentions. If they came to me as very calming and healing, I wouldn't have got the support and possibly would have decided to kill myself. I needed something to happen to me that would scare me so much that I had no option to contact someone and seek help.

Everyone has different experiences, and my experience won't be the same as another, some my resonate with this, others won't, but that is how I experienced my voices and the meaning I have made over the years which I own, some might make sense of that, others won't be able to understand, but that's fine, as I feel each experience is unique, and each person will find their own meaning which is unique and important to them.
 
D

Dissatisfied

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In a country, I think it could be somewhere in Africa, there are fishermen that go out in narrow wooden boats and will fish for days. Often they run out of food and water if they can't find enough fish for their community, and they have to stay awake and keep afloat or they will die. It is common for these fishermen in this particular community to experience voice hearing whilst they are out in the ocean alone. However, because they start hearing voices, and perhaps they will experience scary and threatening voices, the voices help to keep the fishermen awake so that they don't capsize and drown, in that particular community, wherever it is - need to find out from Rufus May - the community accept voice hearing as a human experience rather than a mental illness and they get nurturing compassionate treatment when they arrive back on the shore, rather than sending them to an acute ward and offer meds. The voices will run it's course, after sleep and food, and then they will go out again.
 
W

wellness

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It felt bad at the time, but when it was doing the same thing as an inner critic. An inner critic's true purpose is for protection. When I did voice dialogue with my voices, I realised they had their own feelings and need, for instance, if a voice told me 'don't do that you'll fail' - it seems that the voice is being a bully, but when I write down it's feelings and needs, it has fear of failure, and the need of the voice is to succeed, so it will try to convince me not to try do something because of the fear of failure is greater than the need to succeed. So it's true purpose is not to bully me, but to protect me from failure - this is my inner critic.

When the voices came along, it was very complex as it always is, but each voice had a message. Some were bad and represented the voice of abusers some were good. But each voice, for me, was stemming from my subconsciousness, and my subconsciousness wanted me to survive, where as in reality i was close to suicide. At the time I had decided to kill myself, the voices came along and sent me crazy, but created a distraction from me killing myself, and because they scared me so much I had to seek help, at that time I had withdrawn from anyone and left alone to cope by myself, and I was very close to killing myself, my voices wanted me to survive, and they only they could do that was to send me crazy, so crazy that people would notice and rescue me. So at the time it was the most frightening period of my life, but the voices came into my life as they didn't want me to kill myself, therefore they had good intentions. If they came to me as very calming and healing, I wouldn't have got the support and possibly would have decided to kill myself. I needed something to happen to me that would scare me so much that I had no option to contact someone and seek help.

Everyone has different experiences, and my experience won't be the same as another, some my resonate with this, others won't, but that is how I experienced my voices and the meaning I have made over the years which I own, some might make sense of that, others won't be able to understand, but that's fine, as I feel each experience is unique, and each person will find their own meaning which is unique and important to them.
Well it may just be you possible inability to distinguish your Inner self from the Voices that is causing this confusion ... from the looks of it it might have been happenschance that the Voices came to your rescue to prevent you from committing suicide ... but no deliberate assistance ... So unless it was some of the Good Voices that directly impacted you, your theory of underlying benefit from the voices seems to be on shaky ground !!!

Cheerio !!!
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
It how I experienced it, as I stated, we all own our own experiences, no-one else can say no it wasn't like that, because no-one else experienced my experiences,

We all will have different meanings to our own experiences.

To you my experience and the meaning I've made is shaky, to me my experience and the meaning I've made makes sense to me, and that's what's important here - not someone else making sense of my experience because that won't resonate with me.

It's important that we each find our own meaning to our own experiences. If you found meaning with your experiences and someone said no you're wrong - then in my eyes the person who didn't experience your experience is wrong to say that your wrong, because how can you judge something when you didn't experience it.

Everyone who hears voices will find very very different meanings, I've never found 2 people find the same meaning, it would only happen if they were influenced by each other. If I found meaning for another's experience and the person to me ,no you're wrong it isn't like that' then I'd accept that, but when that other person tells me their meaning for their own experiences, it is very wrong of me to assume that they are wrong because I didn't experience their experiences.

. Others can try but they'll never quite get it because they didn't experience it and vice versa.
 
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wellness

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It how I experienced it, as I stated, we all own our own experiences, no-one else can say no it wasn't like that, because no-one else experienced my experiences, We all will have different meanings to our own experiences. To you my experience and the meaning I've made is shaky, to me my experience and the meaning I've made makes sense to me, and that's what's important here - not someone else making sense of my experience because that won't resonate with me. It's important that we each find our own meaning. Others can try but they'll never quite get it because they didn't experience it and vice versa.
No Not trying to "Tell" you what you are hearing or experiencing but rather "Emphasizing" ...and wanting to find out more with the rather ulterior motive of seeing if I can personally then get better insights into my own situation ...

Cheerio !!
 
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