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Mental Health Millstone.

J

JellyHells

Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Yorkshire
I've been told I have a condition and that its called bipolar.

It makes my G.P and my shrink happy that they can put me under a neat heading, it makes them happy that I accept what they say and take the drugs they prescribe.

Ultimately though these 'professionals' are impotent, they don't have an answer or a solution. They merely grope their way blindly through the quagmire that is my symptoms with text books as their guide, prescriptions waving in their hands and "everyones different" excuses when things don't work.

I wonder do they actually have faith in the words they speak, in the diagnoses and solutions they offer?

I think not.

As I sit here I wonder if I will ever live a life not dominated by excessive highs and lows, if one day I'll walk free of this bipolar weight around my neck.

I pray to god.
 
J

JellyHells

Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Yorkshire
Thankyou jamesdean,

I'm thinking how odd that I always seem to desperately want the opposite mood to what i'm currently experiencing. I'd give anything to be high right now!!

Will there ever be relief, am I somehow responsible, am I not fighting hard enough to beat this monster?

Don't tell anyone, but secretly I want to give in.
 
T

teddybear2067

Active member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
30
Location
UK
I would seriously start believing in God if there was a cure for bipolar disoder.

Not to be selfish, but when I'm low, it's the only thing that matters. Worse than cancer and war in the middle east.
 
J

JellyHells

Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Yorkshire
teddybear2067,

I agree the lows are so all consuming. The utter pointless nature of life always dominates my 'downs' making me uncaring and hurtful to others because after all 'what does it matter'. I think a depressed person is very often the most selfish of creatures.

Then when I'm high my senses are so hightenend everything smells so rich and foods taste so good,the sun is on my face and I'm at the top of hill, feeling exhilarated after a long walk, I look at the view of the beautiful countryside in which I exist and I think I LOVE being alive.

I feels so good at these times I can do anything and usually go spend thousands on something random, ha ha!! If only I could settle for the view!!

Oh for some balance!
 
T

teddybear2067

Active member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
30
Location
UK
I know what you mean!!

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd just drive out to the beach at the dead of night and just watch the waves. It's the smallest of things, but it has the most calming affect on me. It makes you realize what great poets would write about.

The highs are seriously what would keep anyone alive. Remembering your highs can get you thrugh the lows I find. I just hate having to involve people in this, because it affects everyone in my life.

Are you a poet, because you're so creative. A lot of disorders give people amazing creative abilities!
 
J

JellyHells

Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2009
Messages
12
Location
Yorkshire
A lovely compliment.

Thankyou for your lovely comment. I'm not a poet, I think my poetry would probably send people over the edge, ha.

I think its so good that you've been able to get to the beach and benefit from it.

I feel strongly that the key to overcoming or least minimising the effects of my bipolar lay in developing an ability to live outside of myself. My depression causes me to become very insular. Forcing myself outside, into nature creates a feeling of insignificance, vunerability, but in a positive way, in a way that engenders appreciation. Appreciation for the beauty that surrounds me.

I just think that breathing in the natural earth is healing and often we forget to use it as a resource.
:flowers:
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
Hi there - there's a real good chapter on Manic Depression in Dorothy Rowes book Beyond Fear.

If you have the resources, do try and flick through it.

I really admire Dorothy Rowe and think she's on the right track - based on my own experiences. But I guess its up to you to decide, what you think works best for you.

I'm still experimenting with things at the moment, still haven't found all the answers....guess sometimes its not answers you need, but ways to manage.

I always like to think, that sometimes - time - will teach me to cope.
 
T

teddybear2067

Active member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
30
Location
UK
Woooow

Wow, I can't believe you're not a poet. You must at least be a writer or something, you have such a way with words! (y)

i know what you mean about how being outside helps a lot. When I'm on a low all I want to do is stay at home and write in my diary and read books and watch films. Eating a lot mostly too :unsure:

I miss being able to go to the beach whenever I felt bad, because you're right, it's totally liberating to be somewhere else and out of your own mind which is so killing me. I live in the city now, and going down the docks just doesnt have the same effect :cry:
 
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