Mental Health Keeps getting worse.

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change

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Jan 15, 2019
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33
#1
I worked hard to reach 'progress', and I feel like the people whose instruction I took were just guessing, and guessing wrong.

I'm getting worse. I feel like my CPTSD is turning into psychosis. I get this weird feeling sometimes that somebody just knocked on the door but I was too spaced out to notice. So I'll get up and check the door. It happens like once every other day.

My hygiene's not great. I am actively avoiding food (overweight anyway, lost 30 pounds). I misplace everything I touch.

I dunno. I've kind'a lost hope.
 
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Darkveldt

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Sep 18, 2018
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#2
Sometimes we all have setbacks.Dont give up hope.Sounding spaced out and misplacing things aren't definite symptoms of psychosis maybe shock intense stress as a reaction to trauma.You need to eat despite your weight maybe just what u like and when u can manage it.Maybe speak to a loved one friend.Are u under a Doctor?Best wishes.
 
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OCDguy

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#3
I'm getting worse. I feel like my CPTSD is turning into psychosis. I get this weird feeling sometimes that somebody just knocked on the door but I was too spaced out to notice.
Could it be that your CPTSD is the cause of you being spaced out? Are you getting any support for this, and if so how is it going :hug: I'm no Doctor etc. but I would have thought it's important to eat for both your physical and mental well being :hug:
 
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Trekster33

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#4
Your spaced out sounds like dissociation to me.

What has triggered you off recently as there must be something that's caused the decline in your health? Either in your home environment or externally.

I have to avoid the news both on radio and TV, I don't read the papers. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on stuff but rather that than the hypervigilence on higher alert.

I fought with my MP to get the help I needed including EMDR, a second opinion to get the cptsd diagnosed, risperdal on PRN and subsequent support.

I have to battle with self harm, self neglect etc thoughts on a daily basis. But I am stronger than my past. I'm still alive my main abuser is dead. I owe it to myself and anyone else battling abuse recovery to keep going.
 
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#5
Okay, so what happened was...

I hardly ever make friends.

I don't feel connected to people. Like at all. I'm very socially awkward, but people like to talk to me and try to be friendly. There was this boy who was flirting with me. We hit it off. I thought that we had a real connection. His background mirrored mine, like to the point that I asked him if he was making it all up. I made him wait until the third date before I'd let him kiss me. Then, we ended up sleeping together, and he dumped me.

Afterwards I watch him go from girl to girl to girl. I feel dumb, but more than that, I feel like he was some sort of sociopath. I feel like every guy who's attracted to me is a sociopath. I don't know if that's delusional. I can list out the evidence, which has me thoroughly convinced. Like, I believe all my exes in the last 5 years were narcissistic sociopaths.

I don't talk to people when I'm out in the world. I feel like they're either annoyed that I'd talk to them or that they're trying to get something from me. Rob me, stalk me, etc. It's painfully obvious to me that people are generally selfish, self-seeking, and greedy.

From high school until about age 25, I Really Believed that all of America would end up in a type of concentration camp. When conspiracy theories started to mirror that thought was around the time when I was beginning to realize that that wasn't true. I use to stockpile food and everything.

I think my CPTSD has devolved (or is devolving) into psychosis. Age 25 is the average age of onset for schitsophrenia in women, and I'm 32. I have all of the symptoms of a quick google search for psychosis.

I'm not sure when I originally made this thread, but I still feel the same.
 
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Trekster33

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#6
You made the post on July 11th 2019. I got the date from under your initial C.

I've had ex's use me and abuse me as well so have some idea why you feel things are getting worse. The hardest part of cptsd (and to an extent autism) is the social naivety part, sometimes that's used to help others, people also use this to abuse me.

I can see why you think you're developing psychosis, I have a lot of quite loud auditory flashbacks which to the untrained ear could seem like psychosis. However a very low dose of an antipsychotic medication when the flashbacks get too much or I feel my anger building up tends to ground me.

My parents always fought over money so when I was on holiday away from them, i would hoard my food because I was scared of running out. Also I get in a panic over money management and my budget goes up and down.

I haven't been in a relationship since 2013 and that went badly wrong after a whirlwind romance. I discovered last year that my ex had died which caused a dip in my mental health.

You mentioned you don't talk to anyone when out? Cptsd can play tricks on you making you feel that people don't like you or are against you especially when someone like your recent ex takes advantage of you. What he did was disgusting but you are much better than him.

Are there any sexual abuse survivor charities nearby that you can get help from? Despite being an adult when a soap featured child sexual abuse recently, I phoned a children's charity and they were amazing with me on the phone.

One charity a quick search has come up with is Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn) which is based in the USA. Hope you can find the help you need from there and here
 
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change

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#7
Omigoodness, I appreciate your response, so much.

I really wasn't sure when I had made the previous post. It seemed like it had been months. For whatever reason, I am incredibly awful at gauging where I am mentally. I'll think I'm doing fine when I'm not, and I'll think my whole life is a shitshow when really I'm just having a bad week or two.

I guess I just really needed to hear that people are considered disgusting for taking advantage of, or using, others. I don't have very strong faith in humanity, and it just seemed like human nature to take advantage, for whatever reason.

There are charities here for survivors of abuse. I've utilized their help in the past. I just kind of hit a wall where I don't want to talk about it anymore, I don't want to think about it anymore, and I want to ignore it. I've got an awesome therapist, so hopefully this all just buffs out.

I hate CPTSD. It took me awhile to get here. At first I was excited to know that there were other people who experience what I do. But, like my GP has told me, there's no linear recovery. There will be good days and bad days. It's just that I'm super awful at gauging whether or not I'm facing a mountain or if it's just a molehill, and it gets discouraging, so, so fast.

I feel incredibly hopeful, atm. Too much sugar and caffiene, maybe. But I do value your response.

Good Luck To You, as well.
 
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Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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#8
thankyou I found this really helpful
none of the doctors have ever looked at my ptsd
I'm convinced I have it and thats what led to my other symptoms

x x x