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TAhlpotb

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
I have always had underlying problems with my mental health. The severity of my depression and suicidal ideation has lessened, however at the beginning of last year I had two bad experiences with drugs which has now caused other problems. I am un-able to eat or drink foods and fluids that are not pre-packaged as there is constantly a part of my mind telling me it will be contaminated with drugs. For example, I will only be able to eat new food that I, myself, have unwrapped. If a family member has made me a drink I won't be able to consume it due to lack of trust. I also regularly get flashbacks to being on a substance, which will cause me extreme paranoia and terror to the point where I am close to calling an ambulance and am afraid to sleep. The other night, I had to put on a pair of socks to walk around the house as I was worried there was a tab of acid somewhere on the floor that I couldn't see and I was going to step on. I have a feeling this may have stemmed from 2 things; the time I overdosed and started having very vivid hallucinations and the time I smoked suspectedly laced cannabis and also started hallucinating, bearing in mind I was used to smoking often and had never experienced anything like this before. If I smell cannabis or see any drugs, in person or on social media I will have a panic attack. I am also afraid to step on the grass in the garden unless I am wearing shoes as there are mushrooms growing and I don't want to step on them and it soak through my skin. Sometimes I won't be able to stroke my cats as I'm worried there will be traces of a substance on their fur and I don't want to touch it. I also bought 2 books of Amazon (I didn't realise they were used) and cannot read them as I do not want to touch the pages other people have touched. I can't even remember the last time I drank water as I have only been drinking from cans, as I don't want to drink from the cups and glasses other people in my family have touched/used and possibly contaminated.

Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry if this comes across as silly. I just have no idea what to do.
 
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singingspringtime

Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
23
Location
england
That sounds really difficult to deal with, and definitely not silly at all. I'd struggle hugely if i was trying to handle that.
Have you spoken to your doctor/psych at all yet, and if not, is that something that you'd feel able to do?
I think it would be helpful to have some professional input into what you're going through, and hopefully you'll be able to find a way of reducing the crappiness pretty quickly.
 
T

TAhlpotb

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
That sounds really difficult to deal with, and definitely not silly at all. I'd struggle hugely if i was trying to handle that.
Have you spoken to your doctor/psych at all yet, and if not, is that something that you'd feel able to do?
I think it would be helpful to have some professional input into what you're going through, and hopefully you'll be able to find a way of reducing the crappiness pretty quickly.
Thank you for your reply, unfortunately I have very bad anxiety, and speaking to my therapist is hard. I usually ask my mother to speak in place of me, however the psychiatrist isn't bothering to listen to what I have to say and has jumped straight to trying to increase the dosage of my medication (quetiapine). I have asked my mother if I would be able to change my psychiatrist multiple times, and I'm still in the same position.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,758
Location
England
Hi,
Please do get help if your feeling suicidal again, these links may help you and others feeling the same.
 
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