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Mental Health / Asexuality

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blackroses

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2008
Messages
16
Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction.

i don't know if its related to my bipolar, i've never really been interested in sex. when i first had sex i was very upset with myself and didnt enjoy it at all,i thought maybe wrong person, but alas, no. i've never found myself really ATTRACTED to either the opposite sex or my own (im male) it seems to be all my friends can think about,they see an "attractive" girl and say something stupid like "look at that arse!" "yeah? so.." i mean i can see if a person is beautiful, if they have symmetry or nice eyes or just something stands out about them. but i never feel like hey i want that :S?

i have a good mix of male and female friends, but out of those i've tried to explain how i feel to, it seems only the girls and only some of them who understand. i also have this thing about people touching me in certain ways like i used to work at this place and a female friend of mine came up behind me and put her hands around my waste and i practically shouted GET OFF! it feels like an invasion of my personal space.to me a hug is the most loving thing i can give someone and only to those i trust/love. kissing is messy and jus eww. anything beyond that is worse. i hate nightclubs because so many people close together and people u dont know touch u. some playboy bunny dressed girls came up and slapped me on the bum and i felt FURIOUS, i wanted to react violently but felt others might see it as innappropriate.

i feel fine going through life not controlled by sexual impulses, but i feel kind of an outcast in a way to my male friends who are ALL about sex, sex isnt LIFE, it isn't great.i like the feeling of being in a relationship but i cant handle the sex, i feel like its SO IMPORTANT to the girl but i feel like im trading sex for hugs..im kind of young still and i guess my medication kind of curbs my sex drive. can anyone relate?:confused:
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
Yes I can relate. The older I have got the more uncomfortable I have got with intimacy & sex. With me I think it is a number of reasons. Bad Relationships & break ups in the past; leading to difficulty trusting others. Also the tablets have had a huge effect on confidence & sex drive. I think these "difficulties" are common with those who have suffered severe mental illness.
 
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Sammisal

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
17
Location
London
Blackroses,
I've just read your post, and I'm trying to work out how to say what I want to. Before I was diagnosed with depression (although I think I suffered from it at this time, however not as severely as I do now) I thought that I was asexual for some time. I define as a lesbian now, and I believe that I thought I was asexual because (massive cliche coming up!) I wasn't able to be attracted to women because of my upbringing. There are definitely some links between being asexual and just having a low sex drive (I don't have a high sex drive now - I doubt I'd ever have thought I was asexual if I had a high sex drive), but they are absolutely not the same!
I don't want to tell you how you should define your sexuality. That is something you will find out with time. The important thing though, is that it's ok to not be sure. I don't know how old you are or anything, but whatever way you feel about sex and about other people, is absolutely fine. If you're happy having sex then I would say that's fine, even if it's with someone you don't feel attracted to, but if you don't want to you shouldn't feel you have to. There's a lot of pressure, I believe, especially on men, to want sex all the time, but if you don't then you don't. What does it matter to anyone else?
Equally, the question of why is a pretty difficult one; maybe some of your meds are messing with your sex drive and all that to such and extent that you're not attracted to people where you would be otherwise, I don't know how stuff works. Maybe that's not the case, again, I don't think it matters. If you decide you do want to have sex now, you can decide next week, next month, or in 70 years time, that you no longer want to. The same is true the other way around.
I know it's not that easy. If only! I find that when I'm particularly low my sexuality is one of the things that is impacted (but not in the classic - I don't ever want to have sex way; rather, I end up having totally unsatisfying sex with a man). It's confusing. This is the nature of life, I think!
I hope this makes sense, and I'm really paranoid that it seems I'm trying to tell you what to do. I hope it hasn't come across like that! Except - if you want to, or if you don't, either one is fine!
Sam
 
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blackroses

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2008
Messages
16
of course it doesn't seem like you're telling me what to do. anyone would struggle to tell ME what to do :evil:

i don't think i've EVER desired sex, except in a, it must be amazing because everyones obsessed way. but i've tried it and i don't enjoy it whatsoever, i seem to need hugs much more than sex.some of my male friends are a little confused about me and the way i view the opposite sex in that i value them more but speaking to and approaching them doesn't faze me whatsoever. one of my friends asked me how i can speak to girls so easily and i told him, to me mate,they're just the same as you so that's how i talk to them the same.

female friends are a bit more understanding but im not sure they completely understand.i'm a kind of eccentric person as it is so i guess people take it as that. one time i had sex with a girl i "loved" and the sex itself was boring for me but afterwards i felt really happy lying their in each others arms.i always seem to sleep better with someone else in my bed for some reason!

there is a LOT of pressure on men but as one i can take step back and look at the world and it seems "oversexed" on tv in the movies etc.one thing i find useful about it is,i don't have to worry about it! one of my ex-gf's who im still friends with told me that i "actually operate better without someone" and that she wishes she could be the same. as an outsider i see a lot of people jumping into relationships straight after getting out of one, it's like they have to be in a relationship to feel good about themselves? i dont know if anyone knows anyone like this but im sure u do! i do!

thank you for your support :)
 
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