C
clompramineman
New member
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2018
- Messages
- 4
Hello all, what a great forum this is!
I will try to explain my issue but may struggle to do so, hope what I say makes sense.
Since about the age of 7 I have suffered with 'needing' to compulsively think things through. For example I used to play a lot of soccer. If I scored a goal, I would 'have' to go through the sequence of events mentally until I felt that I had remembered things exactly as they were. Also, if bad things that had happened to people were reported on the news, I would 'have' to think through how I would feel if these events happened to my Mum, Dad and brother, and feel as though how I DID feel was exactly how I WOULD feel in those circumstances.
Down the years the compulsion has changed slightly but is similar. If, say, I remember a happy event fleetingly, I have to go through it and remember it as though it were real, often with use of certain words in a particular order as I narrate the story mentally to myself.
The really problematic part is this: if I think of something to do in real life, or a possible solution to an issue I face I have to think through until the solution feels 'right' and any anxiety which arises from the situation is dissipated.
If there is any anxiety present as I think through, I have to begin again.
A further problem is 'anti-OCD' OCD: if I feel that the thought has been processed with OCD features (such as having to use certain words) then I have to repeat it. The issue is that UNLESS I use these OCD features then the thought is processed with anxiety as a background feeling and so I 'have' to repeat.
How can I shake off these compulsions, and how can I decide what to do in everyday life if I am not thinking these solutions through because thet are OCD-driven?
I am at my wits end. (Oh, I am on venlafaxine and quetiapine for OCD and GAD.)
I will try to explain my issue but may struggle to do so, hope what I say makes sense.
Since about the age of 7 I have suffered with 'needing' to compulsively think things through. For example I used to play a lot of soccer. If I scored a goal, I would 'have' to go through the sequence of events mentally until I felt that I had remembered things exactly as they were. Also, if bad things that had happened to people were reported on the news, I would 'have' to think through how I would feel if these events happened to my Mum, Dad and brother, and feel as though how I DID feel was exactly how I WOULD feel in those circumstances.
Down the years the compulsion has changed slightly but is similar. If, say, I remember a happy event fleetingly, I have to go through it and remember it as though it were real, often with use of certain words in a particular order as I narrate the story mentally to myself.
The really problematic part is this: if I think of something to do in real life, or a possible solution to an issue I face I have to think through until the solution feels 'right' and any anxiety which arises from the situation is dissipated.
If there is any anxiety present as I think through, I have to begin again.
A further problem is 'anti-OCD' OCD: if I feel that the thought has been processed with OCD features (such as having to use certain words) then I have to repeat it. The issue is that UNLESS I use these OCD features then the thought is processed with anxiety as a background feeling and so I 'have' to repeat.
How can I shake off these compulsions, and how can I decide what to do in everyday life if I am not thinking these solutions through because thet are OCD-driven?
I am at my wits end. (Oh, I am on venlafaxine and quetiapine for OCD and GAD.)