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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Men run a mile when I am manic.

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PrincessPearl

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2010
Messages
14
Location
Maidstone, Kent, UK
Can anyone give me some advice?
I'm 28, female, intelligent and not unattractive. I have never had any problems meeting men or getting dates. However, I find the fact that I am bi-polar often gets in the way. If I tell a man I am like this they either run a mile or say it is fine, that they understand. The men who claim to be OK with it never actually are. When I get manic they cannot deal with it and promptly ignore me.
I suppose what I need advice with is how can I avoid this scenario? Should I tell the men I date that I have mental health problems? If so, when? I do not want to live my life never having any kind of intimate relationship and keeping people at arms length just in case I get manic.
I am on medication, on the waiting list to see a psychotherapist and am arranging to go to group therapy sessions at mind. I feel I am doing everything I can to help myself but my mental illness keeps me isolated from forming close relationships.
Do other people find themselves in similar situations? What is the answer?
 
K

Keturi

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2010
Messages
6
Location
UK
The problem as I see it is the attachments that "bi-polar disorder" has attached to it. People will automatically assume your insane and going to kill them if something causes you to go into one of them stages (sorry I'm not overly familiar with bi polar outside personal experience) but any man worth his salt with stick with you regardless whats wrong with you.

However as for a solution to the problem I can't say for certain that it'll work but slowly introduce them to the problem at hand rather than just blurt it out and when your are in that scenario all you can do is try to keep them as close as possible without causing harm to either party at hand.

Sorry if thats not very useful.
 
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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
Hiya Princess,
Well i think iv always had the same situation as you except iv only just found out iv got bipolar, wondered why they either ran a mile or i wasnt interested anymore even though i had been well into them in the past! Was definetly my ups n downs. I was lucky enough to meet someone 2 and a half years ago who gave my life balance, he stuck by me through my depressions and handled my mood swings pretty well, think it was my hypo side that he most liked though ;)

I dont think if i had to go through the whole dating thing again i would say anything at first because they should like you for who you are regardless, everyone just thought i was a bit of a crazy party animal at times and as he isnt one for going out that much so when im down or "normal" its perfect. Even some of my close friends really dont know what to say to me now i have told them whats wrong so i definetly wouldnt expect anyone id just met to understand unless they had been through something similar.

Im sure that once you meet the right person they will understand whatever you have to tell them, just do it gradually and they will like you for who you are :)
 
Lion Heart

Lion Heart

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 24, 2009
Messages
739
Location
kent
I would not bother telling untill i was deeply in love,not just puppy love,i mean real love.

when you are deeply in love a silly little thing like bi-polar will not stand in your way,thats only if he really is the right one for you.

if you have only just met he does not need to know.

this is only my opinion though :)
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
It is a hard one to judge I have tried blurting it out at the very start that I suffer from depression that varies from mild to quite severe at times, but other times I have said nothing. I think you have to play it by ear and only tell the other person when it feels comfortable, I also think if I didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell someone about my issues in the first couple of months that could be quite a strong indicator that it’s not going to work for me in the long term anyway.

One of my ex`s is bipolar, I was a lot younger when we met and I didn’t know as much about other conditions as I do now, we got into a long term relationship and i only found out the fact she was bipolar a couple of years in by looking up her medication Lithium and something else she was taking at the time online, she was suffering from quite a bit of joint pain at the time and I wanted to check the side effects, things made a lot more sense about our relationship when I became aware of that fact, but finding out that fact on my own virtually by accident opened a whole new can of worms regarding trust issues, when she was on a high she pretended she had been drinking to hide the fact and lows turned into fight and rows or I’m not talking to you today!

I’m not saying it would have all worked if she had told me from the start, but I do think it would have helped to fill in some of the gaps and not left me bewildered by her actions and responses at times.

I’m waffling sorry! ...what I’m trying to say is that i think you need really good communication and the other person has to be aware of what is happening with you and be ok with it for it to work in the long term. Some people just cant handle it! Bet those who can't wouldn't be a good bet long term anyway! :p
 
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AussieGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2010
Messages
54
Location
London
Being straight up is the only way to go.

My bipolar and unrest has dragged my partner from Adelaide (Australia) to London, to midlands to up north, back to london and now back to australia all within a year, if they love you they will support you and follow you wherever you need to go.

When I was manic for a long time he just got really angry at me, he'd get frustrated and say he was going to leave, but then when he realised that it's NOT MY FAULT he started to calm down and try to start seeing it my way.


All the best though, it's never easy

:grouphug:
 
M

maudikie

Guest
audikie.

It is important for you both that you have breaks. I don't mean weeks apart, but a place you can go to beyourself. If he is quiet he might want to read whilst you want to chatter. So apart fromthe bi-polar this is something that makes for a good relationship with any couple. You need your own space - we all do,
I hope thish elps a bit.
Best wishes.& I hope it works out.:):)
 
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Grotesque

Member
Joined
May 7, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Wisconsin
I find being upfront and honest about your condition is the key and trying to find a supportive partner is a must.

Now, I just got broken up with but it was due to something else, but we were together almost a year.

Here is something I learned that you should NOT do... and that is not to date another mentally ill person. At least for me, it was a terrible thing. I was dating a schizophrenic for almost five years. His condition was unmanageable and we were like time bombs around each other. For some reason, we became so attached to each other, we couldn't be apart. We had a great understanding of each other when times were good, but when times were bad, it was... just life shattering.

Rarely were we ever both okay at the same time.

Now, it IS possible... it's just about finding that treasure like I did. Consider encouraging any person you end up dating to join support groups.
 
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