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Meltdown

echo66

echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
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Went into meltdown this week in counselling session, was so bad she wanted to phone for an ambulance, but I managed to persuade her I would be safe enough to leave and go home.

Have never felt that bad before... never want to feel that bad again... Scared because I don't know what triggered it, frightened it's going to happen again. If it does and the counsellor thinks I'm at risk, she will disclose to emergency services... ending up in hospital is not a situation I want to find myself in.
 
krista

krista

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that sounds awful.
how long have you seen the counsellor? do you remember what you were talking about when it happened?
 
echo66

echo66

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I've been seeing the counsellor for 7 months and although I have made progress, she is concerned that the suicidal feelings are getting worse. It wasn't anything specific we were talking about, I'd gone to the session feeling very low and detached and that feeling just increased as we were talking, to the point where I couldn't speak, just sat there shaking, even though I wasn't cold - a million thoughts were going through my head, but I couldn't verbalise any of them.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Hi

Have you ever tried writing down any of what you're feeling? I find it really hard to verbalise how i'm feeling, but am better in written form. A couple of times I took stuff written down to therapy and the therapist read it out - which was embarassing, but not as bad as it could have been...- and a couple of times I dropped letters off to the therapy place in between sessions, so by the next time I saw the therapist she'd got it and read it.
She never minded, and completely understood that I found it hard to articulate what I was feeling - she was glad that I'd sent letters or written stuff down rather than sit there and not say anything (which was the alternative).

Could you think about doing something similar, maybe?
 
krista

krista

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maybe the trigger happened before you went and you had suppressed it until you got to talk openly about things?
 
Parissa

Parissa

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:hug5:

I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and disclosed to counsellors or others. It is important to get them out in the open. It does scare counsellors as they don't know how serious you are, how serious the risk is. Hospital isn't a good place to be i know from experience, but it keeps you safe from suicide.

With depression comes suicidal thoughts though. I am on anti depressants now and feel so much better. I still have to deal with my past as that is part of the reason i became depressed. You are dealing with your emotions through counselling so i'll bet you'll get ther eventually. It's good to talk! Keeping putting one foot in front of the other.

Love Parissa
 
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